Dear all and sundry...

Yeah, I know we're 2 months into 2002 already, but I've been busy like a madman promoting TLC (mmmm), and it's just now calmed down. So here we are. I feel like 2001 wasn't that great a year for films...am I wrong? It looks like I saw a film about once every two weeks, and I haven't included re-releases (Kubrick's 2001 at the Uptown would chart pretty high on my list) or reperatory releases (Visions' midnight screening of Blue Velvet with a keg in the theater was probably my #1 movie experience all year).

Also this year, the DVD player I got for Christmas really started to make a dent in my theater attendance. Gems on DVD would have to include Blade (the film is awesome – I salivate for the sequel), Final Destination (wow, that's great pulp), and the Tron 20th Anniversary Edition (extras, gimmee extras).

All that said, here are the 25 films I saw in 2001, in reverse order of excellence.

25. SHORT FILMS OF JAY ROSENBLATT Ack! Why did I go to this crap! And what was Kristin doing there, having travelled all the way from Baltimore to DC on a Tuesday to see these pieces of shit. Who told this guy that this was art? O.k., some of it was almost good, but it was the kind of almost where you said, "If only this bit didn't go on and on repeating this 2 second shot for five minutes, it might be endurable." Yech.

24. HARRY POTTER & SORCEROR'S STONE Fuck you Harry Potter. I'd gladly tune in to a film about his redheaded chum, but Harry is so dullsville, I'm getting bored even writing this review.

23. JUMP TOMORROW Ummm, not a film I would normally go see on my own, but what the hey, you gotta take a chance sometime, right? Wrong. Despite having an adorably clueless protagonist, this little film-school- film was so full of cliches I gave up trying to count them halfway through. If it had sort of built up a world in which all this stuff was happening in, fine, but no, it was supposed to be the real world. Blech.

22. PLANET OF THE APES Planet of the fucking pieces of shit. This film was so terrible. Tim Burton what the fuck? I guess Tim just needed to get PAID. Markey Mark I fucking expect it from, but I want a little more from TB (I know, I know, Mars Attacks wasn't exactly The Earrings of Madame De..., but you know what I mean). Do not see this film.

21. ROCK STAR Fuck you Markey Mark. Take your Good Vibrations and stuff ‘em. And Jennifer Aniston what the fuck? You don't have enough money or fame, you gotta do this shit? My theory is that she was sucking Brad Pitt's cock so much she was hyperventilating and about to pass out when she signed the contract. Yes, I know that's graphic, but this film was so bad I can't savage it enough so I'm taking personal swipes at the cast.

20. ALI Points for Will Smith turning himself into someone else entirely. Points because Michael Mann knows how to make a movie. Points for the use of digital video. Points for the fight scenes which were unbelievably amazing. Points for Voight's Howard Cosell. Points off for the ridiculous fake nose Voight had to wear. Points off for the lack of focus. Major points off for the last hour of the film being a lame re-tread of When We Were Kings. Points off for being too long. Points off for ignoring the fact that Ali was a mega womanizer. Is it worth seeing? Maybe. It's worth seeing the Fresh Prince beat the crap out of some people, but other than that I dunno.

19. STARTUP.COM Here's the thing. It's called Startup.com so you think you're gonna see a doc about a net enterprise. But it's really about those two guys. If they'd called it DRAMA ABOUT TWO GUYS IN BUSINESS I'd feel o.k., but I wanted to know about a startup dammit! Most egregious error -  excluding scenes explaining how and where they got all that money. I could use 12 million! Points for staying hardcore to cinema verite, but not all that.

18. SPY KIDS See it on the plane, it's worth the headphones. We had orginally planned to see it after a huge day of tripping on magic mushrooms, but that never really happened, and I'm glad. That shit with Alan Cumming wasn't so much creepy or spooky as it was...odd. Super odd. I found it hard to imagine Robert Rodriguez directing this after seeing his laconic performance as himself in Full Tilt Boogie (a must-rent documentary if ever there was one). Count me out for the sequel though. Unless Christopher Walken is in it. Damn that guy rocks!

17. LANTANA Liked the acting a lot. Liked the setting. Loved the use of only natural light. But here's the problem. The film constantly gave these clues to make us think we knew what was going on, when actually, the clues were ALL red herrings. And that's just not very satisfying. Instead of having bits add up to a whole, this film gives us all these bits that don't really addup to anything. The film has to tell you the whole at the end, and you end up feeling a bit cheated, don't you? I did.

16. THE MAN WHO WASN'T THERE Hmmm. Cohen brothers, eh? Black and white, that looks nice. Billy Bob, doing his best work since he made "mm-hmm" a catchphrase. Stylish stylish shots. Laconic dialogue. Wayyy noir. And that fucked up flying saucer bit. Add it all up, and by rights I should've flipped over this movie.

But I didn't. Hmmm. Maybe it's ‘cuz it kind of seemed like it was full of references to other movies that I wasn't getting. Actually throughout, I kind of got the feeling like they were making this movie for themselves, and it just happened that I saw it. Hmmm.

15. SHREK Umm, it was fun, I guess. But I had some sort of problem with the way it was being fun. It was like fun was being thrust down my throat, whether I wanted it or not. Still, it was a hoot, and the sight gags and Eddie Murphy were a blast. Plus it was nice to see a style of computer animation that was different from Pixar's (though still not as good as Tron's!)...

14. SNATCH Right. I don't mind re-treads that much (see Evil Dead 2), but this seemed like a little too much of the same here, which can be pretty annoying (see Royal Tennenbaums). I loved Lock, Stock, and couldn't wait to see what Guy "Yeah I'm Fucking Madonna" Ritchie was going to come up with next. Turns out he's got a couple of good ideas, and he replays them over and over. O.k., sure, it was fun, but the whole time I kept saying "I wish I was just watching Lock, Stock." The only thing that saved it was a fantastic performance from Mr. Brad "Oh Yeah, Well I'm Fucking Jennifer Aniston" Pitt, and that guy who played Brick House who was chewing up scenery left and right.

13. MEMENTO Alright, it was pretty fucking smart (like all of us). And it did re-invent form, I suppose. But to me it came off like one of those film school excercises where at the end you say "Neat." Then you go home and watch the Simpsons or whatever and it's done. The form was stellar, but the story itself was a bit light, wasn't it? I mean, I'm not wrong here, am I? Everyone seems to go so ga- ga over this film I feel like maybe I missed something, but I didn't, did I? Oh, and yes, Guy Pearce rocks but still, I mean ‘cmon.

12. MOULIN ROUGE I was so ready to love this movie. The opening was great, I loved Kylie Minogue,the songs were really working, Jim Broadbent rocked, the energy of those nicely dressed gents singing Nirvana was palpable. Then the Bollywood stuff, which I loved as well. Then the "love" medley which was pretty good. Then it got dull as dirt until Jim Broadbent did "Like a Virgin" which was a riot. Then it got horrible horribly dull for a long long time, until "Roxanne," which totally pumped me up. Then it was awfully awful until the end, by which time I was screaming at Nicole Kidman "Die already! Die bitch! I'm out of popcorn and bored out of my skull!" Still a film unlike any others, but should've been cutdown by an hour, and Baz should've been given more amphetemines for the last half.

11. GHOST WORLD Welllll, I loved the comic of this so much that I was bound to be a bit dissapointed, and I was. It was pretty good, and the characterizations were strong, and Stevie B did a swell job, but for my money it never really hit the tone of the comic. In the comic, Clowes can do all this super-cool stuff where he uses panels with no dialogue to underscore the tone of the story. But that doesn't really translate that well to film. So yeah, it was good, and I like seeing a high school film of people I might've hung out with, but you should still go grab yourself a copy of the comic and see what you're missing.

10. SEXY BEAST Yeah! Fuckin' A! That Gandhi can swear like a sailor, can't he? And yeah, he does look like a walking penis, and yeah, he steals steals steals every scene he's in, and a few more besides. This was a good genre-tweaker, with the guy who played Gal doing a great job too. But I really couldn't take Ian MacShane as the big badguy (am I the only person who's ever seen Lovejoy? The British show where he plays an antique dealer?). And all along I though Gandhi would be there for the whole film, so I'm thinking "what a great post-modern gangster film -the whole film is about trying to get this guy to participate in the heist, they'll never actually show the heist itself! How brilliant!" And then they showed the heist and I got all bummed out.

9. AMELIE Yeah it was cute, and precious, and sort of...knew that it was, but hells bells, it was also so much fun. And a million times better than City of Lost Children or Alien 12, so I feel pretty good about that. Created a solid, real world, where kooky things happen to kooky people. Which is just the way I like it. Loved the way the clown guy from Delicatessen was such a crazy French bad- ass.

8. LEGALLY BLONDE Wow, this film caught me totally by surprise and blew me away completely. That Reese W is one smart, sexy, cute, funny cookie. The film was constantly winking at us, but never obnoxiously. It wasn't that cool guy in High School cafeteria trying to get you to laugh, it was your little five year old sister making up jokes to tell you that all have the same punchline. Jokes like this:

"Why did the chicken cross the road?"

"I don't know..."

"Rollerskates!"

"Knock knock!"

"Who's th-"

"Rollerskates!"

So cute and smart.

7. HEDWIG AND THE ANGRY INCH While this film was happening, I thought it was pretty damn good. As a production, you dig? But it wasn't until after it was over that I realiazed that it was really sticking with me. The imagery, the sounds, that sequence where Hedwig is leading Tommy through the hung-up clothes, young Hedwig dancing on the bed, the head in the oven, the uber-rock-star bit where the trailer front comes down and it turns into that rock stage — all truly amazing. One man's vision. Rock n roll, baby!

6. MULLHOLLAND DRIVE Oh, shit yeah. Hey, fuck off with your whole "I can explain this" shit. That wasn't the point, right? What is this film about? It's about David Lynch saying, "Hey, look how much you love a mystery, you know what I'm sayin'? You love it so much that as soon as I hook you in, I can give you clues, un-clues, red herrings, whatever, and you ‘ll just come along, won't you? Won't you? Hee hee hee, I knew that you would." And then he kind of looks at you askance and leans one eye towards you and goes "Aaa'ite?" in that homeboy slang.

And you know what? He's right.

I loved every minute of this film. Why couldn't it be a series? And hell, it had one of the few (if not only) actual EROTIC sex scenes in a movie ever. I am not wrong here. The film rocks on all levels. When we saw it, the audience didn't know whether to laugh nervously, be creeped out and silent or bite their nails. Rock on, David Lynch!

5. WAKING LIFE The first time I saw this film, I went on my own in the middle of the day, rocked out of my head. I thought it was amazing, one of the most stimulating films I had ever seen. Then I did this thing I sometimes do, where I want other people to see the film, but I know they won't go if they know I've already seen it, so I PRETEND to not have seen it and get them to with me. It's childish, I know, but it works.

Anyway, that second time, I was stone cold sober (except for some Sprite) and yeah, there are parts where you say "Stop pontificating, dude!" But even then you can totally groove out on the animation. If you like this kind of thing, then you'll fucking love this one. If you don't, you should still dig it quite a bit.

4. ROYAL TENNENBAUMS I'm at a bit of a loss to describe how this movie feels. It's kind of like when you see a great friend you haven't seen in like 5 or 6 years...and you find you have nothing to talk about but the "good old days." And while it's fine and o.k. and maybe even fun to re-live the "good old days," it doesn't quite add up to a good experience.

Too much the same as Rushmore (slo-mo, quirky 60's tunes, gifted children, crazy plays), and not as focused. Some parts were still outright hilarious ("Can he tell time?' "Oh, good god no...") but other parts could've been cut right out without affecting the story too much (Ben Stiller?).

Saved from not charting lower by Gene Hackman, who continues to amaze and delight me more every time I see him. And while I can appreciate the whole "We'll have Bill Murray, but he'll play the STRAIGHT part..." I think it probably works better on paper than in life. When I see Bill Murray I want him to be funny dammit. I have a feeling that Wes Anderson's next film is going to be mind-bogglingly good. I don't know why. It's just a feeling.

3. IN THE MOOD FOR LOVE Holy fucking shit. I had never heard of Wong Kar-Wei (or whatever) so had no idea what I was getting into. I was well and truly head over heels spellbound. The sexy rain, the sexy outfits, the retro-noir trappings and noodles noodles noodles. What's not to like? Well, the ending for starters. I mean, I was IN LOVE with this film, until it switched to the Cambodia newsreel stuff and the pseudo-cryptic ending. It's like you date this girl for a while and you're gettin it on and everything's cool and then she's like, "hey I got tickets for 98 degrees, you wanna go?" and you're like, what the fuck, I thought I knew this woman? But she's still pretty cool.

2. WIDOW OF ST. PIERRE So Yana and I saw Girl on the Bridge and thought it was pretty good, but that it fell apart in the ending. But one day we got in a big argument over the scene where they see the rainbow — the film is in black and white, and they're swooning over how beautiful the rainbow is. I thought the scene was meant to be funny in a dry black sort of way, whereas Yana thought that there was no way it was meant to be funny. This argument went on and on, until we finally got to the point where we realized that the only way to decide it would be to ask the director, and since that wasn't going to happen, might as well give it up. Then we made sweet love.

Patrice Laconte, the director of Widow and Girl on the Bridge, was actually in DC for the premiere at AFI. There he screened the film and then did Q & A. Which would have been the PERFECT time to ask him about the rainbow bit, but hey, we found out about it after it happened. As usual (see last year's Mike Figgis miss for Timecode).

But Widow is fantastic! Emir Kusturica (or whatever) is an amazing director in his own right, and his portrayal of the convict is stunning. Juliette Binoche is convinced to take it down a notch, and Daniel Auteil is the ideal man's man. Great story, well acted, fantastically filmed. I found parts of it funny, while Yana did not.

1. LORD OF THE RINGS: THE FELLOWSHIP OF THE RING Holy mother of Gandalf. When was the last time I saw a fantasy film, an action film, a BLOCKBUSTER for crying out loud, that had me biting my nails in anticipation and cheering the good guys on in the face of overwhelming evil! I knew Harry Potter was terrible, but one look at this film cemented the idea.

O.k., so maybe the hobbits were a little fey, and maybe the real Tolkien heads out there (like all the Russians I know) thought it didn't live up to the book, but fuck! It still rocked! Never in my life have I been so pleased with the use of effects (except maybe for Tron). Take that George Lucas! Here's how to make a REAL epic! Sign me up for the next two films please. Mmmmm.