Shameless Self-Promotion List
(I reviewed these four movies for The Washington
Post's Weekend section. All were bad. Reviews can be found here: http://www.rottentomatoes.com/author-8157/)
1. "The Real Cancun"
2. "Grind"
3. "The Medallion"
4. "Scary Movie 3"
Movies I Didn't Get Paid to See
(in no particular order, and counting the 2003 movies I didn't see in the
theater but saw on DVD or cable—otherwise this list would be pretty short)
"Old School"
Really funny bits from Will Ferrell, Vince Vaughn
and the coot who played Blue almost make you forget that the hole-filled plot
just sucked. I still went out and bought it on DVD the day it came out. After
seeing "PCU" for about the 10th time in the past two weeks on HBO recently,
I find it ironic that Jeremy Piven went from playing the seventh-year-senior
miscreant to playing the evil dean who gets it in the end. I bet he did, too.
His career has really come full circle.
"A Mighty Wind"
Surprisingly touching, especially Eugene Levy
(who woulda received a supporting-actor Oscar nod, if the world was at all
fair), and the standard hilarious (if brief) performance from Fred Willard.
"Wha' Happened?" still gets me every time. Chris Guest finally figured out
that you don't have to savage the crowd you're parodying to get a laugh.
"X2"
Maybe it's my past comic-book collecting self
coming out, but I thought this was pretty freakin' cool. After Bryan Singer
got all the exposition out of the way in the first one, he could just crank
it for the second. Ten times better than the disappointing and overrated "Spider-Man."
"Cinemania"
Made me thankful I don't get by on disability,
like one (all?) of the creeps profiled in this movie, 'cause I'd end up like
one of those people, only with Guided by Voices or GW basketball or stalking
Rachel Weisz as my obsession instead of constant moviegoing. Saw this one
with Jamie at the new AFI Silver Theatre in new, improved Silver Spring. (Didn't
you hear? It's the new Bethesda.) I gotta get to that place more.
"Hulk"
Kind of ponderous, no? I agree with Post film
critic Desson Thomson (nee Howe) that the CGI Hulk was way too big.
"Lost in La Mancha"
Directing movies is hard. Directing movies in
a flooded desert that's in a NATO fly-by zone is fucking impossible.
"The Guru"
Meh.
"All the Real Girls"
Meh. Love that Zooey Deschanel, though.
"Phone Booth"
Pretty good. Thankfully they realized that this
was an 81-minute concept and made an 81-minute film. I met Katie Holmes in
Indianapolis at the 2000 Final Four. I sometimes think she's thinking of me
when she makes all those sad, winsome faces.
"A Decade Under the Influence"
Fascinating look at 70s cinema. Nicely complements
Peter Biskind's book "Easy Riders, Raging Bulls," although I bet the documentary
they made for that does a much better job. I didn't see it, so I'm just guessing
here.
"Down With Love"
Entirely lacking in subtlety, which I guess was
kind of the point.
"L'Auberge Espagnole"
I had such high hopes for this, but ended up
not watching the whole thing and sending it back to Netflix. I just didn't
hold my attention.
"28 Days Later"
This just looked cool. Guess it was the way it
was shot. Danny Boyle's best work since the immortal "Transpotting," but that's
not saying much. Fantastic soundtrack. Scene where they loot the supermarket
while Grandaddy's "A.M. 120" plays nicely gave the audience a giddy break
in a movie filled with zombies and isolation.
"Swimming Pool"
Boobies! Tee-hee-hee! Could've been an "Odd Couple"-comedy
kinda thing, but that ending was just jarring and unnecessarily thought-provoking.
Did I mention that Ludivine Sagnier is ridiculously hot. Especially when she's
buck nekkid.
"Pirates of the Caribbean"
Despite the detestable fact that this is based
on an amusement-park ride (can't wait for "Flume Ride: The Movie"), this wasn't
bad. Johnny Depp is the most underappreciated actor out there. Or at least
he was, before this came out.
"Seabiscuit"
What can you say. It was chessily uplifting because
the story of Seabiscuit really was cheesily uplifting. Great horse-racing
scenes.
"American Wedding"
All I remember in the drunken haze in which I
watched this on Spanktravision in the Midtown Hilton was that I repeatedly
shouted out "Why?" Didn’t make it to the end of this. Worst $11
I ever spent.
"Matchstick Men"
Has Nic Cage ever taken a role that doesn’t require
him to be, in some form, neurotic? As twist endings go, this one was kind
of predictable as the movie wore on.
"Lost in Translation"
I’d really like to see this again. There just
seemed to be a lot of stasis and not a lot of point-A-to-point-B plot progression.
Bill Murray was, of course, outstanding.
"The School of Rock"
Jack Black finally got a role that suits him,
but I still left the movie a little tired of his schtick, the way I never
am after a "Tenacious D" viewing. Still, a cute little movie. "It’s
a Long Way to the Top" is a great song, but then again, I have an unhealthy
love of AC/DC.
"Kill Bill, Vol. 1"
Say what you will about Tarantino, but he sure
knows how to shoot and manipulate violence to its fullest. I really, really
liked this, much more than I thought I would.
"Master and Commander"
Russell Crowe sure seems like a dick, but he’s
darn good when he’s playing a supersized hero. Being the center of attention
just fits him so well, in a Brando sorta way. Another hyperviolent movie I
liked way more than I thought I would.
"In America"
Those little girls were just adorable, and shockingly
good actors for their age (they should join together with the "School
of Rock" kiddies to make some sort of "Lawrence of Arabia"
for the junior circuit). I’m rarely touched by movies, but this one got to
my ever-blackening heart. Had a few problems with the time element, though.
Was it supposed to be set in the present (the whole filming everything with
a handicam) or the early ‘80s, when Sheridan came to America in real life?
"Morvern Callar"
I saw two Samantha Morton films this year. I
rule. I love love love Alan Warner’s book. The movie kind of seemed, well,
glacial.
"Stuck on You"
The Farrelly brothers’ "A Mighty Wind"
for its surprising emotionability (hey, I invented a word!).
"Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King"
The first LOTR was just dull, the second a little
more lively and the third was just a force of nature. Watching it was akin
to running some kind of brutal marathon, where the people who line the race
course punch you in the gut instead of handing you water. Everyone says it
was too long, and who am I to argue with that--it was. But I’m sure sane heads
prevented Peter Jackson from releasing it as a five-hour, "Cremaster"-esque
monstrosity. I’m sure we’ll be seeing that on the 17-disc DVD box set.
2003
LISTS
dan
sujan
sarah f.
mitch
marc
jeremy
jim
amy r.
matt b.
shawn
