34-AMERICAN PIE 2: This movie was a warm soda drunk off a fat girl's back with a Mississippi hangover on Sunday morning. It couldn't have been worse if directed by the PTL.

33-Forsaken-WOW. Recipe: Take a great Kathryn Bigelow movie starring the cast of Aliens, replace them with WB rejects. Shake in a blender with a horrible script and give it to four editors to fight over. Ouella!

32-The Mummy Returns-For what it is, not horrible. But it is what it is. (who says I'm not brilliant?)

31-From Hell-I expect so much more from the directors of Dead Presidents.

30-Blow-I actually wish this had been more like Showgirls. There were those moments and with Penelope Cruz plus my lovely Run Lola chick, whose name I'm criminal for not knowing (Franca?)...I mean, just the scene with Penelope in that 80's jumpsuit alone. Like Scarface meets Traffic-lite (very lite), just not enough exploitation. Maybe if DePalma had gotten his chubby fingers on it...I just reread this review and I do realize how little sense it makes. I'll keep it. If the movie gets to be sloppy, so can my review...

29-Harry Potter-the little sassy diva girl was a guilty pleasure, but I can't top Dan Raphael's review of it, so I won't try. Not shitty, but stale as cafeteria cookie.

28-Jeepers Creepers-From the man that brought you Powder and fondles little boys comes a study in... lite thrills and chills. Not without merit, but not as clever as it thinks it is. Of course it never settles to Mothman pretension.

27-Jay and Silent Bob-I'm the first to think that Kevin loves his words a little too much, but who doesn't like to see pretty girls fart (well, I guess we hear them). It's glossy and I like seeing the stars of Goodwill mock themselves. Points to Dawson as well (I can't wait to get my greedy hands on Storytelling. Is Dawson still in it? Don't tell me. I love Selma Blair.)

26-Moulin Rouge-Ni-Cole...You don't have to put on the crap-light. I hated this movie. It should have been lower on my list. But Ewan was effective in a role that should have been more annoying.

25-Ghosts of Mars-John Carpenter has two directors living inside of him. I'm starting to wonder if we should give the credit for his good early stuff to cinematographer Dean Cundey. It's pretty obvious when they divorced, we get They Live, Escape From L.A., and The Invisible Man. This one is in that middle-Prince of Darkness territory. Poor John. He has a saggy diaper that leaks. I used to love Pam Greer. But her horrible performance and that long, dumpy leather jacket stripped metals right off of her. I would have liked it more if Courtney Love could have still done it.

24-Hearts In Atlantis-By no means a strong film, but not painful to sit through. It's as if Lifetime TV saved their pennies and made this their big event of the year. Good for Lifetime. I though Hokpins was scarier in this than he was in...

23-Hannibal-I bet Jonathon Demee and Jodi Foster are sitting in the panic room drinking dry martini's, tilting their heads back in evil laughter, celebrating the strength of good decisions and self control. Goody, goody.

22-Legally Blonde-see Bubble gum guilty pleasure that I will probably never see again, but amused me.

21-Pearl Harbour-All it needed a Disney duet with Celine Dion and Whitney Houston called Bombs of Love.

20-A.I. I'm so torn about this movie. I liked the chilly first half and kind of digged that Tron like scene in the woods with the leftover cast of Starlight Express. If Spielberg took some lite drugs-pain pills would do it-he'd be such a better director. He's like the girl that touches up her roots too often. Relax.

19-Life As A House-Ok, I shouldn't joke about Lifetime movies when I put this one at no. 19, but I found it full of charms and guilty pleasures. Nobody's perfect.

18-Liam

17-A Beautiful Mind-Who wouldn't love the combo of Ron Howard and Russel Crow? Seriously, a lot of this film annoyed me, but when it worked, it worked. And I just have to support Jennifer Connely.

16-Snatch-Guy Ritchie has a lot of diverse skills when it comes to writing and directing a film. You never know what he's gonna serve up this time. This film should have been called STRETCH. (i did enjoy it though)

5-Princess and the Warrior-Love Franca, like Institution movies (I always feel like I've come home) and it was just plain different. Doesn't haunt me, but I liked it all the same.

14-Startup.com-Tee hee hee hee heeeeeee.... I don't want to say I told you so, but these guys should have listened. Fun to see the darkness of human nature and the endless boundaries of ego. Have this man removed from the building.

13-Fat Girl-All it needed was a sensitive cover song by Jewel. I loved the ending. Did that just happen? Loved the fat girl's facial expressions and it just had no map.

12-l.i.e.-disturbing. Strong performances from kids that may not even be actors-propper and Brian Green is always so damn good. After this years Hannibal movie, I was missing this guys more quiet evil. Here it is. Doesn't this movie just wanna make you go out and get a few tattoos and find the nearest rest stop? Of course it did...

11-Audition-I never trusted demure/dimure girls. It didn't always work, but damn, when it did, it disturbs. That first time the phone rang and that bag on her floor kicked into gear, my ass was on the ceiling. It reminds me of a movie I've never seen called RING.

10-The Closet-decently funny from France.

9-With A Friend Like Harry-Not scary, but fun. The guy did seem like he could seduce the pants off a pants-snake.

8-Royal T's- "It's Hellen."

7-Lord of the Rings-Great film, and I've always loved Peter Jackson, but if I see one more fish-eyed-lens, steadicam crane into a close up of Gandolf the Wizard as lit by fireplace, featuring a beamed ceiling above, I'll slit my throat.

6-The Others-I loved the little girl. Loved Nicole's bitchy performance (she probably based her character on Tom Cruise. I could see him making her follow him around their mansion as he dangled keys in one hand and a bouquet of candles in the other...

5-Together-Cute, cute, cute. Good period detail. Good use of a low budget. Good music. good times.

4-Amelie-almost too cute, but good. I liked Alien Resurrection, but I might have been the only one. They could have trimmed the fat off this one, but it charmed me, Red Balloon style. Why not?

3-Ammores Perros-The dog somewhere under my floorboards was so Polanski, so paranoid. LOVED IT! Also liked how the guy left those two guys tied near each other to go at it to Corprimand each other. The opening car crash...This is one of the best Tarentiono imitators I've seen.

2-Memento-Nothing bad to say about this and I wish I WAS Guy Pierce.

1-Hedwig and the Angry Inch-I probably should have made Memento no. 1, but this one was so well done and the music was so adorable.