20) Planet of the Apes: Someone needs to break it Tim Burton that it's ok to hire a writer. Maybe next time someone could come up with a more plausible escape then, "I got it! The apes are afraid of water!" The only good thing about this movie is that Marky Mark gets stuck on ape-earth after snobbishly shunning the jungle babe. You can rag on this movie all day, not the least being that this is typical huge Hollywood overbudget, bad retelling of a good original story. But for me the thing that sticks out the most of all in this monumental failures is this; as in the original, great science fiction of the past has always relied on first the story and second special effects (of course sometimes they do both like Star Wars or 2001, and then they are masterpieces). But a receptive sci-fi audience will look past cheesy special effects with a good plot. This movie did the exact opposite- shame on you.

19) The Anniversary Party: I seem to be the only one who couldn't stomach this movie, but I really felt it was annoying. I can't get past a bunch of rich celebrities whining about how hard it is to be them. I might have bought it as a satire or at least a self-aware critique of their shallow existence if it weren't for the overwrought, cheesy fight between Jennifer Jason Leigh and that British dude at the end. It's so hard at the top. Any hope it had got crushed as I squirmed in my seat during this scene and dreamed of the cigarette that awaited me when this stupid thing was over. Parker's tits are the best thing, and it was over before it settled into my brain.

18) American Pie 2: My nephew was in town and we went to see a movie and he begged me to take him to see it. My sister wouldn't let him, but all his friends had seen it…..you know. Not that I mind seeing it, but I tried to convince him to see Hedwig and the Angry Inch- no dice on that one. So that's my excuse for not seeing it. Anyway, it was fun watching him squirm when the two guys are supposed to kiss each other after the girls do. He almost rolled out of his seat. But it wasn't all that funny, although I have to admit I have a crush on the sex fiend band girl. She's much hotter than any of the three stars.

17) From Hell: There were a couple of things I liked about this movie, or at least thought they did well. It had excellent set design and costumes that seemed to catch the time and the mood. And the prostitutes, except Heather Graham of course, which is forgivable because she's who you want to be staring at the whole time with the cleavage and the hair and the lips and…….sorry, the prostitutes look like prostitutes. But overall, it was kinda boring. The best thing was seeing a preview of Lord of the Rings before hand.

16) Ali: When I overheard someone say at the bar that she would go see this movie except that she had no interest in the subject, I realized I felt the exact opposite. I would still rather watch a documentary about the Champ any day then a reenactment. But I will say that it wasn't as bad as I feared, and I think this is largely due to the fact that Will Smith pulled him off as well as could be done. But overall, it lacked focus. The first third couldn't decide if it was Ali or Malcolm X. Between being a Muslim, a husband and the greatest of all time, this movie couldn't decide what it wanted to emphasize the most, and that made it way too long. The best lines of the script were laid out for them already by the real thing.

15) Apocalypse Now: Redux: Since this one doesn't really count, I'll make it short. Extra Robert Duvall good, Vietnamese Frenchies bad. Overall, the original is better.

14) Shrek: I want to know how John Cale made it onto the soundtrack of this movie. I kept saying, is that….no, is it?, and sure enough there he was in the credits. Doing some cover, I think. Anyway, Eddie Murphy was funny, and it was short which is appreciated when you have nephews who'll watch it over and over and over and over…

13) Memento: I know I'm out on a limb on this one, but I can't get behind the hype of this movie. I didn't think it was such a "mindfuck" as it seems to be praised as. I didn't spend hours thinking about it when it was over, either. I give them credit for following through on an inventive script, but I think it would have made a much better short, or something else. It stretched itself a bit too much in the middle which made it thin for me at the end. I did bust a gut at the, "I'm chasing someone. (Gun shots) Ok someone's chasing me" scene. But if I had to hear "I…have…this condition." one more time, I was gonna lose it. And finally it's fun to spite Dan and put it one notch below….

12) The Fast and the Furious: Me and Johnny D went to see this together for basically two reasons: my brother loves anything to do with fast cars and driving, and the chance to see our childhood friend Rick Yune- when we we're kids it was Yun by the way, but I guess pronunciation is more important then spelling. Anyway, the best thing about this movie was that we saw it on a Monday afternoon with only about fifteen other people. Two of which were these two brothers, about seven and nine. During the previews, they kept talking and fooling around which drew many an annoyed "Shhhh!!!" from the adults. One actually commanded them to "Knock it off!!" Anyway, as I had a feeling, the opening scene was nothing but pure adrenaline, and would be the key to making them quiet. It's capped off at the end as one of the suped-up Hondas swerves beneath the eighteen wheeler they're hijacking to avoid crashing into the embankment. After that, the screen goes black. It was a nice stunt, and they pulled it off, and as I look to my brother to say, nice shot, one of the kids screams out in the totally quiet theater, "The car went under the truck!!" He was amazed and we were in stitches and so it was fun. Plus Rick delivered a pretty over the top villain, doing everything but the twirling the mustache while raising the eyebrows maneuver. Perfect entertainment for a Monday afternoon off.

11) Blow: I thought Johnny Depp did real good as usual, and PeeWee Herman might have stolen the show. Plus I liked Ray Liotta's character who was always proud of his son, drug dealer or not. The second half dragged a bit, and it might have gotten a higher ranking except when I think back, there's not much to recall. It was good, but I didn't love it.

10) Legally Blonde: It was one of those nights when you just want to see a movie, and there aren't any specific ones you want to see, so you just see whatever is convenient. With that in mind, I was pleasantly surprised. It had enough good jokes to keep it going, Reese is hot, and Luke Wilson gets a paycheck. Not bad all around.

9) StartUp.com: I had a couple of problems with the way the time flows with this movie. It seems to jump around somewhat, leaving me feeling like I was missing some of the story. But otherwise I think this was brilliant in its foresight. Through the bar, I've heard a lot of these stories- there's a ton of people who worked for dot coms and everything seemed so rosy. And then they all went down. Here, we got to watch first hand it all unfold. Pretty fascinating, pretty horrific. Makes me very happy not to work for a corporation. Watching them applaud themselves and do rallying cries is pretty nauseating. And you can't help feel some satisfaction watching them go down.

8) Sexy Beast: I think what I liked most about this movie is the constant paranoia that you feel, like the main character, that you're gonna get whacked at any moment. You think you're out, but you're never out when you deal with the mafia. I always feel this way when I watch gangster flicks- like everyone's always about to get whacked at any moment. Plus Ben Kingsley's character makes this one of the most aptly titled films I've ever seen. Wow what a monster! Who'd believe this guy played Ghandi?

7) Chopper: I snuck this one in thanks to Mooney getting it for Christmas on dvd. And with the dvd, they have extra's like the real Mawk Choppa Reid, telling stories of some of the other crazy shit he did, and let me tell you, Eric Bana is dead on. It was bizarre, twisted and hysterical at the same time. In the end, he's psychotic, but you somehow like him. He comes out looking a lot more respectable then the other scumbags around him, plus he makes you laugh. And you get what you don't see in Reservoir Dogs. Not for the squeamish, but an A nonetheless.

6) The Man Who Wasn't There: The Coen brothers are back baby! I had a good feeling when I heard it had James Gandolfini, and I usually like Billy Bob if he's not doing shizen like Pushing Tin. They both ruled- maybe Hollywood will throw Tony a better bone then The Mexican. And so did that guy from Wings as the fast talking lawyer. The script had a lot of nice twists and turns and all came around at the end and had a nice touch explaining Billy Bob's narration. Their best since Fargo.

5) In the Mood for Love: The mood is right as Wong Kar Wai gets lots of mileage out of style points yet again, creating two gorgeous characters in classy outfits smoking cigarettes. Shit, by the end I was in love with both of them.

4) Amelie: Apparently some people might think this movie is too cute or something. Whatever. You don't see movies like this too often and it's pulled off fantastically. I love the gnome and when she's a kid getting even with the neighbor. And I think my favorite line is that freaky looking guy speaking into his recorder something like, "3:15 pm. Cute chuckle attempting to lure alpha male into copulation." I thought this movie started off with a bang and kept it going all the way till the end. My faced was cramped from smiling for two hours. And man, that Amelie is so damn hot! More of her please.

3) The Royal Tenenbaums: I watched Rushmore three times in the week before I went and saw this one. And I realized I liked Rushmore even more then I remembered. I didn't think it was possible, but it's true. And with that in mind, I still thought The Royal Tenebaums was the bomb. Who knew Gene Hackman was such a riot? The montage when he's taking the kids on a mission to be reckless is one I'll never forget. I also really love the look he gives Ben Stiller in the ambulance at the end. And Owen Wilson running away from the intervention attempt. And….yeah, it ruled.

2) Together: This is really one of the most refreshing movies I have seen in a long time. The writing and the acting were so well done, without any real need of a budget. And in that sense it was inspiring. Great movies can be made with very little money. And all the kids were great, which I think is a true test out of any director. My personal theory is that the kid smoking cigarettes and drinking wine was the kid who grew up to write the story. But anyway, I think this movie did everything right that the Anniversary Party did wrong. It wasn't nearly as capable as portraying as much heart as this movie because it never started out with as much.

1) The Lord of the Rings: Trace made a valid point when he said the only person who could criticize this movie is dead. The special effects were amazing as were the costumes and makeup. Not to mention the casting and acting. They picked a classy bunch of actors that brought a tremendous amount of respect to the characters. Plus the opening scene is not only one of the most riveting I have ever scene, but having recently finished reading the books, it did a great job of bringing those who didn't read it in the audience immediately into what is going on. I suspect that as the trilogy moves on and they definitely get more action packed that this may rank in a Star Wars category of phenomena. There was a lot of expectation for this flick and those fantasy geeks would've lambasted it if it didn't deliver. There was a lot to accomplish, and it did across the board. I think it was a huge feat and its use of special effects is a landmark in film history.