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the weekend is complete. the brooklyn fantasy baseball league i'm in held our draft yesterday. it was exhuasting. despite showing up with 35 ounces of "smart water" i drafted poorly. it turns out i didn't have the brains to properly run 2006_projectOR.xls with enough proficiency. i've got another draft this coming weekend. i'm going back to paper and pen.
also, i ate a lot of oreos at the draft.
Here's the thing. I've spent more time this month creating succinct, friendly emails about fantasy baseball trades than I have blog entries. Because I have an ego the size of the universe, I'm going to share a few of the emails I've written here. I'm doing so because I think it's fun to substitute the term [PLAYER A] for Doug Mientkiewicz .
Here's one from last night. Please note it was written with haste because a friend was on her way over to watch THE OC with me.
[OWNER] -
I know you're reluctant to talk about trading [PLAYER E], but I thought I'd give it a shot. I'm not sure which other two players you're planning on keeping, but I wanted to offer you two very good guys for [NICKNAME FOR PLAYER E].One of those guys is [PLAYER B]. I know he didn't work out for you last year, but I think he's got his [CITY WHERE PLAYER B PLAYS HOME GAMES] footing this year. His [IMPORTANT BODY PART] is in better shape, so he'll [BASEBALL ACTIVITY] a lot more. And now that we're [USING STAT N], [PLAYER B] becomes even more valuable.
The second guy I'm willing to trade is [PLAYER D]. He can play [POSITION Y] and [POSITION Z], giving you some flexibility. And [FANTASY HOSTING SERVICE OUR LEAGUE USES] projects him as having the [RANK X] best [STAT Q].
So, [PLAYER B] and [PLAYER D] for [PLAYER E] - your thoughts?
-Marc
My friend arrived while I was in the middle of looking up [STAT Q] for [PLAYER D]. I had to finish the email before we pressed play on the DVR. I told her what I was up to (she's read FANTASYLAND so I knew she'd be able to follow along). Upon mentioning the owner I was sending the email to, she laughed at me, suggesting that said owner didn't care so much about stats and that it was probably a bad idea mentioning them in the email.
The owner responded with a terse email this morning, giving word that [PLAYER B] has been banned from his fantasy team.
Because I'm a jerk and can't stop thinking about this kind of stuff (but how good was it to watch the WBC in HD last night?), I sent a response.
I figured that was probably the case.
Because I have trouble taking "no" for an answer, what if I were to offer you both [PLAYER D] and [PLAYER F] for [PLAYER E]?
Both should have high [STAT P], [STAT Q], and [STAT K] numbers, not to mention [STAT I] and [STAT J]. If
you're looking to have a complete group of top tier players, these guys would certainly help. My 2006 Fantasy ProjectOR rates them as the [RANK S] and [RANK T] best hitters worth holding onto. [PLAYER B] actually comes in at [RANK U].(The 2006 Fantasy ProjectOR is my system of combining projections from multiple sources in order to find the most stable list of projectable keepers. It's either a brilliant project OR a huge waste of my time. Please note that pitchers have not been ranked, but I don't plan on keeping any pitchers.)
[PERSONAL QUESTION ABOUT ACTIVITIES FOR SATURDAY EVENING DELETED]
Marc
So there it is. My friend said don't mention stats and I took the opposite tack, but without getting very specific. Unfortunately, knowing I would turn this morning's response into a blog entry, I felt compelled to mention the 2006 Fantasy ProjectOR. Probably not a good idea because it ups my level of dorkiness to [RANK A].
Fantasy baseball is driving me insane. I can think of nothing else.
Also, I am sick of chewing gum. That's the act of chewing...gum. I'm okay with chewing gum in theory. Also fine with the idea of bubble gum. But I've been chewing a lot of gum lately and it's making my teeth hurt.
In my last podcast I mentioned that I'm taking requests for things to do that will change my life in either minor or major ways (if only for a week). I've begun one or two of them. Call my audio comment line and leave a suggestion or two. 206.66.MARC.6
Thanks!
(UPDATE - Friday 11am)
Here's an example of what I'm talking about in regards to fantasy baseball. Within the past hour I sent this email (names, positions, stats redacted & the word "offering" spelled correctly for use on the internet) to someone in my league. I'm becoming the sort of owner I hate!
Dear [OWNER] -
Thanks for thinking about the offer. You've got some good reasons to want to hold onto [PLAYER A]. I'm high on [PLAYER B], which is why I traded [PLAYER C], probably the top [POSITION X] this year, for him.
I'm not sure what your keeper situation looks like, but if I were to sweeten the deal by offering [PLAYER B] and [PLAYER D], would that interest you?
[PLAYER D] can play [POSITION Y] and [POSITION Z]. His [STAT Q] is great and if you look at last year's numbers, remember that he was out for [AMOUNT OF TIME INTENTIONALLY LEFT BLANK]. [BLANK #] [STAT P]'s this year with a(n) [STAT Q] of [BLANK #] or higher is a possibility. I ran some of my numbers yesterday, comparing projections across a couple of sources, and for our format [PLAYER D] is projecting out better than [PLAYER B].
-Marc
Obviously, I need professional help. Now that I've admitted my problem, I think it can be solved if [PLAYER A] joins my roster.
It's the top of the 9th inning during the Venezuela / Dominican Republic World Baseball Classic game. It's intense stuff. I think people are getting sucked into this whole thing, and I'm one of them. TEJADA ERROR!!!! WOW.
And if you think those are my only baseball thoughts, think again. Below is a list of links I've recently noted to my del.icio.us account.
But first - DUANER SANCHEZ! Is this what we can expect from the new NY Mets bullpen??? The bases are loaded now. Whew. Popout to right field. That was intense.
The Baseball Journals » HOK Renderings of Nationals Ballpark Design
Nothing says top-notch ballpark like a view over the outfield into the parking garage!
The $39 Experiment: Asking Random Companies for Free Stuff
today's distraction
I'm ready for the next baseball game. Is there another baseball game on tonight? Does anyone remember that book "Free Stuff for Kids?" I think I had two different editions when I was young. I remember getting a free "ban handguns" decal. I'm sure I got other things, but I can't remember what they were.
Shades of August: VRE has heat restrictions
Commuter trains from DC to my hometown also slow down every August. How much will it take to fix this and can it be taken care of right away? It's completely silly for modern transportation systems to have these issues.
If I ever live an hour or two from my workplace and find myself able to commute via train, I sure would like to have a group of commuter friends so we could play board games during the trip.
The Baseball Journals » Funding Stadiums: An Unassisted Triple Play Is Easier
A call for MLB to develop a central stadium fund - and a nice summary of what's involved in trying to get a new stadium for a ballclub
If you follow the business of baseball, I think this website is a must-read.
Baseball Prospectus | Baseball Between the Numbers - What Do Statistics Tell Us About Steroids?
no subscription required.
Unrelated - should I order an LCD Soundsystem album?
AZ Snakepit :: Woo! Canada!
I read to this line - "the smug face of Derek Jeter ambled to the plate, and I suddenly was more Canadian than Wayne Gretzky after he's downed a six-pack of Molson." and I knew I had to share.
Overheard in New York: The Voice of the City - Real Bunny Eyes Dissolve, Too
My favorite "overheard" for the month of March.
I'm in favor of pronouncing things "my favorite ___ of the month" before the month makes it to the halfway point.
Stewart gets mixed reviews: What the hell were they expecting? - TV Squad
Regarding Stewart, I've got to agree with the thoughts here. Except there was no sushi at my Oscar party.
Should I order sushi for the next Oscar party? What about for the next game day party? Anyone up for Cluzzle sometime soon?
Ballpark Frank
I so wanted this to be about stadium hot dogs. (via baseballmusings.com)
I'm going on another baseball trip this summer. To the midwest, no less. That's where the good hot dogs are, right? I'm not sure I'll want to have a dog at every stadium. I did that during last year's trip. I need a new hook for this trip!
Pitchfork: Daily Music News - TV On the Radio signs to Interscope
For the record, I'm a fan of any article that starts "Following in the footsteps of Therapy?"
For the record, I'm a fan of sentences I start with "for the record."
NYDN - Entertainment - 'Simpsons' role a Homer run for 'Office' manager
The other day I realized I didn't set the Simpsons as an "always record." I must make sure to record this one.
It airs March 26th. I made this note about three weeks ago and I still haven't set up The Simpsons. But have I grabbed you by the shoulders and told you to start recording CAMPUS LADIES??? If I haven't, I will. The show is that funny.
The House Next Door: To the point
A Matt Zoller Seitz rumination on digital cable guide log lines for movies.
Strange New Products: Beer Can with Lip Wrapper
This will soon sweep across America. Germophobes, get your wallets out.
Daily Graphing: Carl Crawford -- The Hardball Times
A quick, worthwhile look at the lack of walks Crawford takes.
I'm trying to remember if it was acceptable for parents to have beer on the sidelines when I played t-ball. I doubt it was. Man, sipping a 16oz. tall boy in one of those ribboned folding chairs during a hot summer afternoon sounds ideal right now, doesn't it?
AaronGleeman.com - Book Review: The Mind of Bill James
There's a Bill James bobblehead doll??!?!! Sometimes marketing really is the best thing ever.
I think baseballmusings or somone else recently mentioned the new issue of Esquire (the one with Rosario Dawson on the cover) has an interview with James. No talk about this book or the bobblehead doll, though. Speaking of Esquire, does anyone read this? Or any magazines anymore? I heard it contained the James interview and bought the magazine. I've flipped through it a few times. I just don't understand magazines anymore. And I want to. But do I need 1/2 a page telling me "How to Impress Her for Twenty-Five Dollars or Less?" I am never ever going to buy plain white handkerchiefs from Brooks Brothers!!! But just now I saw Leslie Bibb's name! I loved her in POPULAR. I had no idea she's currently on CROSSING JORDAN. Why does no one tell me these things?
A Fan's Guide to the Midwest League
cool. i wonder if this summer's baseball trip will take me through any of these towns?
Baseball Prospectus | Bronx Bummer - The Yankees Stadium Deal
"It shouldn't matter whether the public is putting in 75%, or 33%, or 10%--what should matter is that if we the people are putting in the same share of the cost as the team, we should be reaping roughly the same share of the benefits." (sub. req'd)
This is the all baseball stadium edition of balgavy.com, I guess.
Inside the Dodgers
from the front office of the dodgers. this could be fun. i wish more companies created this sort of thing. (via baseballmusings.com)
I mean that. I'm totally serious when I think that more corporate blogging should be done in this fashion.
Adrants » DVR-Resistant 'Smushed' Ad Grabs Attention
while watching THE OC last week I paused, then watched this ad.
FYI: The baseball game is over, in case you couldn't tell. I'm now watching an old episode of NY NOISE. I dig that OF MONTREAL.
Boing Boing: Google Video DRM: Why is Hollywood more important than users?
must reading for anyone interested in digital delivery of content
So when is everything going to be decided? I just want to download the new version of Quicken and figure out what I owe everyone now for the next year of content I want to bring into my home. Can that happen? HBO, can I give you $50 now for the next year of everything you produce? Or do you want me to send my $10 directly to David Chase? Wait, was that Time Warner calling my name? Do you want a cut? Tell you what - NO. I already give you too much money. I alternately love and hate talking about this kind of stuff.
HBO wants its programming to be off-limits for DVRs
egads. life gets better. life gets worse. (via pvrwire.com)
Have I mentioned that I love cupcakes? They're a great dessert option. Not to take anything away from cake, but there's something fun about cupcakes. The individual decoration on the top of each cake! The challenge of eating a cupcake without getting icing on your moustache! The greatness of not having to force the birthday person to cut his or her own cake. So, yeah, put me down in the pro-cupcake column.
ESPN.com - MLB - Rickey Henderson back with Mets ... as instructor
also scroll to find out PEDRO'S SPECIAL SHOE HASN'T ARRIVED!
Henderson isn't contracted to be an instructor for more than a few random weeks. And that Jose Reyes! Stealing third in the WBC game. Since Reyes is playing in the WBC, does that mean he's missing out on Henderson's instruction??? Can someone answer this right away?
Fimoculous.com: Feeding On Itself
two bits of cereal news! who knew rex @ fimoculous even had a cereal category! (He links to Cereality, a cereal ba & cafe from Philly that's already spread to Chicago and Tempe).
Oooh, I just remembered that I haven't watched last night's Real World/Road Rules Challenge! I'm hitting post post-haste!
My digital camera broke five or six weeks ago. I've got no photos from the Oscar party I hosted this past Sunday, but Listmaker's got photos galore and a wrap-up of things said. He also gets into the nitty-gritty of the Oscar pool's final standings.
It's true. Upon getting home from Cringe earlier this evening I was much more excited to watch Project Runway than Lost.
Podcast #19 is now online. It contains the audio of me reading during Wednesday night's Cringe event. Download it now to listen to a letter I never mailed in which I try to convince a friend to analyze a relationship. I also mention my first kiss and I'm disappointed I didn't describe it in more detail. The second half of the podcast hints at a different direction for future podcasts.
download the mp3
subscribe to the feed
podcast archives
Audio Comment Line - 206.666.2726. Call now to leave an audio comment for me to use on the show! That number again is 206.66-MARC-6.
As for Cringe, check out Stuart's photos from the night and read the story behind the journal he kept.
(All flickr photo posts tagged with "Cringe" are here.)
Also, I want to say "thank you" to the friendly woman who let me sit at her table upon my entering the back room and looking a little lost. It was fun chatting with you and your friends and I'm sorry I dashed out of there so quickly. It was stuffy, I needed air and planned to return but then I ran into a friend at the bar.
On Wednesday night (that's tonight!) I'm going to Freddy's Bar & Backroom where I'll be taking part in the monthly series known as "Cringe." This time I've opted to read a letter that's somewhat diary-like, with hardly any mentions of television. I expect to blush twice. Maybe three times. Come listen and laugh. If you've heard enough of me over the years, though, come hear everyone else read. It's always a lot of fun. Start time is 8:30pm.
For those with time on their hands and a hankering to plug in some headphones and listen to my previous Cringe readings, here are links to the audio files from previous podcasts (I'm still on the fence as to whether or not this one will receive the same treatment):
- A re-reading of a secret admirer note
- Let's all laugh at Marc's adolescence
- Some suggestions for the producers of Beverly Hills, 90210
- Letters from the early 90's - Bob Iger, were you listening?
Not Cringe-related, but a documentary treatment I wrote in college for a doc about shaving and facial hair.