watching expired appliances align

the following is something i wrote on august 18th, 2003:

there's something delightful about returning home from the gym and taking a quick shower. i like the way it helps me put my thoughts from the day into perspective. the physical exhaustion of the gym empties my brain. the steam and hot water of the shower helps expand and rearrange those elements of the day into a more cohesive order.

well, maybe not. basically all the shower i just took did was remind me to comment on a few things, especially the nature of dating. and i'm not sure what it is that i want to say about dating. while scrubbing my elbows it occurred to me that dating is not like a business relationship, even though that's maybe how i sometimes treat it. ie, with the person i'm currently dating - we met on lavalife. our profiles were on full display. that's like some sort of business prospectus, right? and now that we're a few weeks into the relationship, it feels like time to flesh out that relationship a little more...like i've sent a deal memo, but we're still figuring out the language of the final contract. but i'm not sure what's expected of me in this relationship. and that's why i think i have the urge to put it down in bullet point format, even though that's so not the right thing to do.

sample bullet points include (but are not limited to):

-i will send you one long, rambling email each day (not to include weekends or days when the power goes out)
-i will see you in person twice per week (these meetings can include other people, or it can just be the two of us)
-i will try to be as funny as possible whenever we're just sitting around, and you will be expected to laugh at my old man humor
-if i see you online, i will IM you within five minutes, but due to nervousness of not knowing what to say, you can't get mad at me if i log off thirty minutes later
-i will send you my random thoughts during the day (the random thoughts that i don't consider deep enough or rich enough or funny enough to expand into full-blown blog entries, thus sharing them with all of my friends)

so, yeah, that's the start of this ridiculous deal memo i'm drawing up in my head. i know a conversation seems to be on the horizon again, but i feel like i just had one of those a few weeks ago. and i wasn't sure what to say. i get nervous. and i don't know what's next. and i don't even know how i feel.