watching expired appliances align

that song by the figgs sounds about right

woke up at 7am. haven't gone back to sleep. and i was feeling great at 7am!!! great. i'm not quite sure what happened. i was wasted. wasted. when i got home. around 1:15 am. office holiday party. i'm sort of piecing things together. i was talking a lot of shit at the party. too many inquiries about things i had no business making inquiries about. but that's what being drunk is about, i guess. and when i was doing a circle lap through the party to find people to chat with, i remember thinking "it's time to go. i must extricate myself from this situation." but did i? of course not. one more drink and it was time to make more of an ass out of myself. but that was my plan going into the night. i guess i'll find out monday if i succeeded.

email or e-mail?

it was the spring of '93. she pressured me into signing up for email from the university. i was a subscriber to wired, yet i was still slow in signing up for email. my life made no sense during those years.

we'd met during the summer of '91 and she was always smiling. getting in front of my video camera. we were at camp. things could have happened. they didn't. we lost touch. exchanged holiday greetings and before i knew it i was visiting a friend for the weekend. only, i wasn't hanging out with my guy friend from high school, i was spending my time in her dorm room. fumbling around on her bed. and i do mean fumbling. it started like all those make out sessions start: with us looking through her photo album. when i was in college that was my prime 'move'. looking through a photo album. i can't imagine anything more lame. but it lets you sit next to the person. like i said, "fumbling."

during the month of february there was talk of cameron crowe's movie, "singles." she and her friends claimed she looked like one of the actresses. i saw the movie twice the weekend it played on my campus.

a few phone calls and posted letters were exchanged.

i signed up for email. hadn't seen her in two months? one of my first ten real email messages was from her talking about being in history class and thinking that she shouldn't be leading me on. things were over between us. fine. i said. i could deal with that. but hadn't i signed up for email so i could communicate with her more frequently? i didn't even know what she and i had. and i certainly was glad it was over. it was too confusing. i guess i was too young.

are you dave gorman?

sunday morning i dreamed that my apartment was overwhelmed by spiders. the images my brain created of these spiders were amazingly realistic. i was paralyzed by fear: one of the spiders was approaching a roommate and i saw it creeping behind her - i couldn't say a thing. my mouth was glued shut and i could only make brief noises that amounted to nothing - she couldn't hear me. my brain shifted, though, and i don't know if that spider got to her. out of the corner of my eye i saw two more spiders on a webline they'd created from a shelf. these spiders were on their spider strand and i think they were making out. all the black spider legs were intertwined. the spider legs were pointed and sharp and totally scared me. totally.

there's a bottle of 22 oz malt liquor in the fridge - maybe that will cure my nightmares.

psyc?

how is it that portable cd players seem to keep getting smaller and smaller? and what's with all that stabilization nonsense? people jog with cd players these days! years ago a high school friend and i went to the local record store in our small town in his 1970's trans-am or camaro. he'd updated the tape deck with a portable cd player - i think the cd player had cost him a few hundred dollars. at the store he bought the new sonic youth, "dirty." it was one of the special limited edition ones with the "dirty" pictures. we were so bad-ass in those days, right?

i was reading a lot of 'rolling stone.' and i knew i was too old to be reading the magazine, but i couldn't help it. i liked peter travers - he turned me on to hal hartley's film, trust. it took me years to see trust. but peter travers is the one who pointed the way.

sometimes i think about having children and when i think about that i have to consider the ages to which i'd introduce them to rolling stone magazine and sonic youth. would i even do that? can you force things like that down your kids' throats?

sometimes i wonder if i'm becoming a libertarian? politics has always been such a tough thing for me to figure out. i do like this new keyboard i'm using, though. all the keys work! it makes for a much happier me.

from cd players to talking about myself. i sure am probing the depths of my thoughts and existence tonight. existence. makes me think of that david cronenberg (sp?) movie - eXistenZ. i didn't see crash. i should make that attempt. sex and cars. cars and sex. i passed on seeing "ocean's eleven" this morning. i had errands.

last night i did my ERRANDS dance for my roommates. i'd had one beer! one beer and i was dancing! what has gotten into me?

contact

over three thousand votes. amazing.

a few years ago i read an article about the coming of blue l.e.d. lights. i haven't seen too many of them yet. i guess "they" are still working on the technology. blue lights are more expensive to create and use than green or red, or even orange lights.

while at the local bar tonight it crossed my mind that i'm feeling rather peaceful. content. i'm at a nice place in my life right now. the overwhelming urge to buy a little house in a tiny town has been surpressed. i'm not aching for a girlfriend. i had a great dinner last night with expensive wine. i still need to use more lotion to moisturize my elbows, but other than that, things in my small circle of happiness are going well.

i got so much shit in first grade for always writing "o.k." instead of "okay." i think my teacher was just pissed that a child of my intellect and creativity couldn't stop using the phrase "okay."

batteries included - it lights up

my eyes hurt andthe spacebar on my keyboard is now pretty shoddy. i should look into fixingit.
everything seems to go wrongat the same time, doesn't it?

i feel like the only productive thing i did today was acquire a Lord of the Rings glass goblet. my
roommates and i went to burger king for lunch (after watching Behind Enemy Lines). Somehow I saw two Owen Wilson/Gene Hackman films in one weekend.

It's late. I'm sleepy. Confused. As always. But more confused than normal. i never vacuumed the corner of my apartment where the dry leaves from my boston fern have collected on the carpet. the situation will be rectified this week.

i was drunk last night (saturday night). i remember the things i said...and i was sort of (but not really) shocked that i was saying them.

and i was serious about an invitation i made.