watching expired appliances align

subway tokens

for the first time in my life, i used an exfoliating facial scrub. i'm 90 minutes this side of that experience. i didn't really expect it to be any different than a moisturizer. couldn't have been more wrong. using this exfoliating facial scrub was like applying a 50/50 mixture of sand and suntan lotion. i was quite shocked. and the direction indicated you shouldn't use it near your eye area - so i had to keep that in mind while i was rubbing this balm into my cheeks, nose and forehead. and, honestly, i'm quite happy with the way things turned out.

this nivea product came packaged with two other samplers (after shave lotion & a daily cleaner) in an issue of GQ. i'm not committing to the nivea product, but i'm about $14 away from committing to the idea of an exfoliant. i'm ready to embrace the concept of beautification. even if it makes me think too much about those scenes in 'fight club' and 'american psycho' which are basically rants against consummerism.

un-filtered?

just a note about the last entry:

I did not enter into my Friday evening thinking that "hooking up" or "fooling around" would happen. I will agree that the thought crossed my mind (probably more than it should have) that a little kissing was a possibility. I'm not a sleaze, I promise. I'm not a skeez, either. I'm not sure what a skeez is, but after re-reading my last entry I think I'd want to apply it to myself. I'd been chatting with someone. We used to get along well. Meeting would have been fun. Talking with arm motions would have...yeah...yeah...yeah.

Whatever.

filters

Friday night ended the way I thought it would. It was just the middle part of the evening that was unexpected, and, ultimately, depressing. But not so depressing that I couldn't recover from it. Why am I relating this story? It's just sort of blandly humiliating. While discussing movie-going plans with my roommates I was online, AOL Instant Messenger window open. Received IM from a young woman I'd chatted with this summer. She goes to college in New York. We spoke huridly for three minutes and then spoke on the phone. We agreed to meet (we'd never met in person before). It all sounded like a fun plan. My roommate was bummed that I wouldn't be going to the movie, but he was aware of my lack of action getting for the past few months and understood.

I was an unexpected bundle of nerves on the subway. Running ahead of schedule, I stopped off at a bar for a quick bourbon on the rocks. And a cigarette. One cigarette led to two. I walked to the meeting place. Chewed a stick of gum. Waited. Cigarette. Wait. Cigarette. Gum. Wait. Cigarette. Approach young woman who could be my online buddy. Are you ____? No response. Cigarette. Wait. Gum. Wait. Cigarette. One block walk to a pay phone. Leave message. Cigarette. Return. Wait. Cigarette. Leave another message (how lame am i?). Cigarette. Meet roommate at movie. What the fuck? Was the woman I approached the woman I'd agreed to meet? Did she see me smoking a dozen cigarettes and say "what's the deal with this guy? He probably smokes two packs a day." I don't smoke two (or even one) pack a day. I was just nervous. And I felt awkward.

And that's my story about almost meeting someone from the internet. I think all of us have our silly stories.

like all the boys

i must be in a weird 'place' right now. i've got, like, a mad crush on this person i don't even know. how does that happen? it's not like she's a complete stranger to me. she's more than just some random name i heard called out at a doctor's office. more than a random name i saw on a credit card receipt at macy's.

and what makes my crush even more hopeless (i mean, what is better than a hopeless crush?) is that i think a zillion other boys (and probably a few girls) have hopeless crushes on her too. and i don't know her well enough to know if she knows all these people are crushing...or if she's completely oblivious to all the hearts out there going pitter-patter.

the way she talks - the things she mentions - all so seductive. but all done so slyly. it's just amazing that a person can present herself as being so incredibly compatible...and, yet, i have no idea of what she's really like. having this crush is the best feeling. i want to spend each night of the entire week out at a different bar with a different friend telling him or her about my new crush. and then i want word to trickle back to my new crush. and then i want it to morph into this whole skipping under rainbows scenario. sort of like in those punky brewster saturday morning cartoons. but 3-d. with a bit more edge. and sex.