watching expired appliances align

"it would've been a long trip if... whoa"

i was about to say that we're not that drunk, but dan just tripped on the bed and lost his train of thought. we're back at the ramada. we're in altoona, pa. and there's wireless internet. i'm pretty sure we're staying here on a senior citizen's discount. we didn't even need to show alex's cane to the hotel clerk, not that mr. johnson is with us on this trip. but if he was, he'd be having one swell time. we showed up to the ramada because that was the hotel that advertised at the altoona curve baseball game - it was fireworks night tonight! our second fireworks night of the trip. last night in detroit was the first. inbetween those two games we made a stop in erie, pa for a few innings of seawolves baseball. the altoona curve and the seawolves had sucky merchandise. so far i've failed to buy a shirt or a baseball cap. it's kind of annoying. tomorrow afternoon is little league world series action. and then it's back to brooklyn. it feels like we've been on the road for three or four weeks. and the car's mileage surely reflects that idea.

st. paul is possibly the most amazing city in the midwest. i'm going to campaign that instead of renting a place on fire island next summer we rent a giant place in st. paul. there are bridges and bars and gambling nearby. we crossed the stone arch bridge by the old mills in minneapolis around midnight and it was a lot of fun. from there we ended up at a bar in st paul. there was an internet jukebox (aka dj machine according to one of the women i met outside the twins game - she was with a few friends and all four of them were drinking fourties - it was awesome. i don't know why i didn't take a picture. and i really don't know why i didn't get any phone numbers). anyway, the jukebox was internet style and we couldn't find any songs from erick bachmann on it. no archers. no barry black. no crooked fingers. i tried to hit up the machine for a track from grandaddy, but last call reared it's ugly head and we took off. and i stopped at burger king for some kind of angus burger concoction. which reminds me - dan is right when he says that fast food in the middle of the country is much better than fast food on the east coast. i'm considering going to grad. school to study whatever sociological aspect of that needs studying. why??????

(instead of exclamation points, this entry will be all about question marks)

(also, donovan - we're sorry we didnj't consult you regarding the twin cities - all of us forgot that you once lived there).

but back to the questions -

why did i suggest taking the highway through the middle of chicago on saturday afternoon? we got to detroit late. but the game went into extra innings, so it was okay that we got there during the fifth inning. standing room only seats were all that was available.

for a guy who hadfive or six bourbons plus two "orange slice" shots i'm making a remarkable coherent entry. i guess that's what happens when you've been away from the computer for almost a week. there's some sort of mathematical relationship there that i won't even try to get into.

another question - why did we walk to the bar tonight instead of taking a cab or accepting the offer of an 11pm ride from the hotel front desk attendant? the cab cost money which isn't an issue- but that lacked the spirit of adventure. and waiting for the hotel clerk for an hour didn't seem like a fun time. she was cute and fun and friendly but she wasn't quite yet drinking age. and the hotel clerk last night off the ohio turnpike was a friendly red haired dude who was kind enough to give us a late night discount. the night before that we ended up at a hotel that kept the pool and jacuzzi open all night. lots of good hotel luck, that's for sure.

umm,,,,,,,,,ooh - commas! now i'm rambling.

total thanks to kevin for faxing the list of things to do in the twin cities. it came in totally helpful. the st. paul saints game was awesome!!!!!!!!! we met a great guy named scott there who TOTALLY HOOKED US UP. we got to go into the bowels of the stadium and meet the pig mascot. i'm sure dan will have all of it in his end of year right up and there will be hundreds of photos between the two of us. keep an eye out for all of that. plus, i got a haircut at the st. paul saints game. how rockin' is that?????

yeah, so that's the teaser update. there will be more to come in the following weeks. and i will work on writing some jokes over the next twenty hours so that from now on you'll have some things to laugh at.

jamie and dan are both watching tv from bed and it's not even a sports show. it's some movie with lara flynn boyle before she got super skinny. before she starred in twin peaks. that's what road trips are all about. last call tonight was 12thirty. ridiculous. we played five games of darts at the bar. everyone there was friendly.

okay, time to log off and join the mst3k show going on next to me here.

UPDATE - it's five minutes later. i just read those last few sentences. this is even more boring and unfunny than i thought. maybe i'll update tomorrow morning from the lobby.

time for summer school. whatever happened to mark harmon???????