the shrewdness of apes

when i was about 7, i was dancing around my bedroom singing along to Hall & Oates' "Your Kiss Is On My List". only i decided for some reason to replace the word "Kiss" with "Tits" (and of course changed "Is" to "Are" for subject-verb agreement). my mom overheard me, and needless to say she wasn't terribly pleased. i don't remember a major punishment and i honestly didn't even know what the word meant at that point. it was just a word i had overheard somewhere along the line. but i was forbidden from using it again.

earlier today, the once and former Hand-washings sent out a link to 23 homemade Hall & Oates videos that are part of some contest their website is running. i kind of wish there was a video of the 7-year old me jumping around. or else video of me and the wife dancing like fools to "I Can't Go For That" at Chris Larry's wedding - something that she just reminded me of. because stuff like that would fit right in with this collection.

H&O always had a certain cheesiness to them and no matter what kind of cheese you like, it's represented here. goofy premises? try #10. cover versions featuring over-emotive closeups? #11 got it in spades. needless distracting visual effects? perhaps they'll keep you from notciing the horrific dancing in #16. deep cuts + puppets? #12 has you covered. unintentional comedy? pretty much everywhere, but #5 seemed to go above and beyond the call of duty with the woman lip synching and then jumping into her PT Cruiser and then giving a kid a ride on the handlebars of a bike and then riding in the back of a pickup truck, all to a really bad song. you really have to watch it. or watch them all, really. it's all there: bad outfits, bad wigs, bad lip synching, women in drag, glorified wedding bands, highbrow, lowbrow, Stew "the man of 1,000 voices" and a whole, whole lot of instrument miming. you'll lose an hour, but it's a fun hour. a lot of it felt like watching a Mr. Show sketch (David Cross seems like he would make an excellent Oates).

of course, then you get to vote for your favorite and for me it came down to #8 vs. #19. 8 featured a non-obvious choice of song ("Head Above Water"), a keytar, and an apartment complex swimming pool. 19 featured two women in ridiculous outfits re-purposing themselves as "The Maneaters" and doing a decent job of singing the song while adding a few new flourishes (harmonies! acoustic guitar solo!) and dancing terribly. in the end i went with #8, so here is your t.s.o.a. approved winner:

Posted by Jamie at 10:17 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

...."Viva Knievel" (1977) starring Evel Knievel, Gene Kelly, Lauren Hutton, Red Buttons, Leslie Nielsen and Frank Gifford. i'll let the imdb synopsis handle this:

"As the legendary stuntman travels to Mexico to prepare for one of his greatest stunts yet, he takes time out of his schedule to meet his fans, help out lonely orphans, and try to get his alcoholic mechanic to reconcile with his son. While all of this is going on, Evel's main rival is plotting to have Evel killed and then get rich by using the Team Evel 18-wheeler to smuggle cocaine into America."

no luck locating an mp3 of the theme song, which as you might guess is freakin' great for about 20 seconds. the wife and i had a brief discussion as to who the modern day equivalent of Evel would be. the best we could come up with was David Blaine - that's just depressing. surely someone out there can come up with a better answer. meantime, check out Evel's astrological chart.

unknown to me until just now: one of Kathleen Hanna's pre-Bikini Kill bands was called Viva Knievel.

Posted by Jamie at 10:17 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

any fans of dance and/or Claire Danes and/or scoring points with a significant other would be well served by checking out the upcoming 2-week performance of "Christina Olson: American Model" at PS 122 in the East Village. this piece is a full-length solo for Danes choreographed by Tamar Rogoff and inspired by a famous Andrew Wyeth painting that resides in the MoMA. members of the intelligentsia should also note that the performance features music by Rachel's and video by Harvey Wang.

for those of you wondering how this is even on my radar, Ms. Rogoff is a friend/co-worker (the force behind the Solar-Powered Dance Series), fantastically nice and a first rate choreographer. the wife and i saw her "Daughter of a Pacifist Soldier" a few years back and were quite impressed. word on the street is that the NYTimes will be doing a piece about the piece in Monday's Arts section.

***UPDATE*** Here's the Times piece.

"Christina's World" by Andrew Wyeth

Posted by Jamie at 12:41 AM | Permalink | Comments (4)

i'm writing this from the projector tent of the Solar-Powered Film Festival where "Screen Door Jesus" is about halfway to completion. things have gone pretty well the past two weeks, though tonight's showing was sans popcorn due to some unforeseen circumstances. next week's showing is the Maysles "Grey Gardens" and the turnout should be pretty huge, so those planning to attend are advised to arrive a bit early for good seats. popcorn will be made.

those of you with ties to the music industry are invited to submit ideas for the Music Series coming up in September. we're going to try to do a rock show or two, so if you've got any bands that might be good and available, let me know - we're going to try to get the schedule set in the next few weeks. some $$$ is available to the performers, but not a ton, which is fine because we can't fit more than a few hundred people here anyway.

Posted by Jamie at 10:27 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

last week, Radio Free Brattleboro - southern Vermont's bastion of free-form, commercial-free, independent radio and home to brother DJ Audible's weekly adventures in thematic programming - was raided by the FCC in a pre-emptive strike that came despite the fact that a federal court judge in Brattleboro had yet to rule on the pending litigation between the two parties, and despite previous assurances from the FCC that no seizure would take place until a ruling was issued. the FCC has a class of licenses for low power, 10-watt stations, but have never solicited applications to actually grant any of the licenses, meaning rfb had no way of acquiring a license other than through court proceedings which the FCC has now pre-empted. the whole morass is all too sickeningly believable. for a bit more on this saga, and a good resource for the underground radio scene, check out diymedia.net.

Posted by Jamie at 12:14 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

with the workload slowly receding slightly faster than my hairline, i decided to put off the paid writing that needed to get done in favor of catching up a bit with old friend TV. unfortunately, we ended up watching the execrable premier of "Stella" on Comedy Central. if i had any misconceptions about the fact that a comedy show could leave me in a worse mood when it was over than when it started, this travesty cleared them up but fast. the previews were bad, but the show took it to a whole other plane. i can not suggest strongly enough that you avoid this show at all costs. i'd love to expound on what exactly about the show was so abhorrent, but it's already eaten too large of a hole in my evening.

while i'm aware that my opinions are sometimes out of step with wider sensibilities (see "Curb Your Enthusiasm"), if this show becomes some sort of massive hit or critical darling there will be some serious soul-searching on the agenda.

Posted by Jamie at 11:42 PM | Permalink | Comments (12)

there's been a dearth of good TV lately - a void amply filled with baseball in the t.s.o.a. household - as evidenced by the lack of posting on Marc's DVR blog. thankfully, HBO OnDemand just re-started The Wire from the beginning and i do want to check out some of that Alan Partridge stuff, but that stuff will only go so far.

the wife recently discovered the Style Network's Craft Corner Deathmatch, which i was reminded about at the end of this article on the Pillsbury Bake-Off. the show is fairly standard third-tier-channel fodder, with C-list judges (including Frank DeCaro - note to self: get his book) scoring two contestants as they create crafts with limited time and materials. all this, while bizarre host Jason Jones bellows like he's announcing a Hulk Hogan-Randy "Macho Man" Savage championship match. the winner then takes on the "Craft Lady of Steel" for, i don't know, some prizes or something. it's pretty surreal and worth tuning into once, but i can't say i've been moved to really rave about it.

for some guilty TV-related pleasure in prose form, check out TVGasm's live blog of that Rosie O'Donnell TV Movie from Sunday night. or their biting rebuke of hipster Danny Masterson's radio show. or anything else on their site, really.

Posted by Jamie at 01:32 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

so now, on the heels of the Pixies, Slint, et. al., Dinosaur Jr. has reunited with their original lineup for a tour which will hit most major points east of the Mississippi. while this gives me hope that a much-clamored for (by me) Polvo reunion is right around the corner (Steve Popson - please clear out your busy schedule), in the wake of the news that the fight over Kashmir is now cooling and now this, i have to ask: can't anyone hold a grudge anymore? anyone who thought Lou Barlow was a weenie before isn't going to have their mind changed by this explanation:

"I've mellowed considerably," Barlow said. "I carried a lot of anger around after they kicked me out of the band. But I let a whole bunch of that go. It happened such a long time ago, that it just seemed pretty goofy to continue being angry at someone who kicked you out of their band when you were 22 years old.

And with the reissues on the way, Mascis' manager put the pressure on for a reunion.

he caved to pressure from Mascis' manager? correction: weenie and sell-out. i'm not advocating a return to pistols at dawn, but there is something poetic and compelling about a long-running feud, especially one that doesn't involve the slaughter of thousands of innocents. call me a killjoy, but i'm hoping just a little that something happens to send Lou back into a seething passive-agressive spiral that results in Murph accdentally getting punched while trying to separate the two backstage before an encore or something.

Posted by Jamie at 12:35 AM | Permalink | Comments (8)

i haven't done this before probably because i haven't been able to listen before, but anyone with access to a computer on a Sunday night should check out DJ Audible - the official brother of t.s.o.a. - on Radio Free Brattleboro from 9-11pm. you're bound to hear anything from Sergio Mendes to Arcade Fire, and that's just the last 5 minutes.

also, don't believe what the site says - you can use iTunes to listen without having to download Winamp or Audion. it will simply open up through your Library instead of through the "Radio" source and it will stay in your Library thereafter, ready to be accessed whenever.

Posted by Jamie at 09:48 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

if there's anything worse than being subjected to crossing streams of FM-Radio dreck from the desks around you, i'm not sure i want to know about it. if i hear Kelly Clarkson interminable "Since U Been Gone" one more time, i'm going to have to consider going the Van Gogh route (will that prevent me from hearing ever again? if not perhaps just a good dousing with acid will do the trick). freaking Z100 must be playing that song at least once an hour. conveniently, their online playlist only goes back about 45 minutes so you can't use it to call them out for replaying the same goddamn 5 songs over and over again, but i can almost guarantee that you'll see Ms. Clarkson on there no matter when you happen to look at it. also trying my patience: Green Day, the Killers (now playing) and Maroon 5.

so why do i feel like it would be rude of me to start playing my own music? i can't possibly get out of this office fast enough today.

Posted by Jamie at 01:37 PM | Permalink | Comments (8)

the awards and nominations are being handed out, the year-end lists are coming fast and furious and as usual, the paucity of movies i've actually seen (as opposed to simply pre-judged) means i don't have much to offer on the subject. i am going to try to see as many as possible between now and the Oscars if only to feel like my righteous indignation at what actually wins is justified. lord knows it's not going to help me from finishing in the basement of the Oscar Pool. and i may submit a list too, though time will continue to be a factor for a few weeks.

but we all know there are the proverbial assload of scripts that never get off the ground and which most of us are never privy to outside of that one friend who keeps talking about how his glorified "Scooby Doo" episode of a short film is his ticket to the big time. so fortunately there's Query Letters I Love in which some Hollywood type posts the bad, ugly and incomprehensible pitches that he gets on a constant basis, such as the one reproduced below.

"Query - "Black Virtue"

But miracles can come at an unexpected cost, as "no good deed goes unpunished."

Posted by Jamie at 03:11 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

a moment of silence please for the demise of WHFS, which for a long time was just about the only place to hear decent new music in the entire Washington DC area. when i first learned of a world of music that didn't exist in my parents record collection or on top 40 radio in the very late 80s, WHFS was there to teach me my Squeezes from my TMBGs, my Ramones from my Replacements. over the years they became much more mainstream just as "alternative" music did and when Infinity bought them in 1996, well that was the final nail in the coffin as they moved to playing a constant stream of Pearl Jam, STP, the Offsrping and lord only knows what else these days. but as another station falls to the specter of demographics, it still seems to be an unfitting end for a station that undoubtedly molded many more minds than just mine.

The Washington-area FM radio station WHFS, long a pioneering purveyor of alternative rock, did a programming U-turn at noon today by ditching the genre for a Spanish-language, Latin music format featuring middle-of-the-road superstars such as Marc Anthony and Juan Luis Guerra.

WHFS-FM 99.1, the radio station behind the popular alt rock music festival called "HFStival," is now "El Zol," featuring Caribbean and Central American music, according to a prepared statement released by Infinity Broadcasting, the station's owner.

here is a brief history of WHFS and another intersting article (albeit 7 years old) called "Who Killed Rock Radio?".

Posted by Jamie at 06:53 PM | Permalink | Comments (12)

the wife and i caught a great show last night on BBC America called "Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares" wherein Gordon Ramsay - the "foulest-mouthed chef in Britain" - sets out to turn around a failing restaurant in just a week. much more interesting than "The Restaurant" and its horrid Rocco DiSpirito, Ramsay is a total shitstorm with credentials and as his moniker would suggest he's not the type to hold his tongue. in last night's episode (9pm, repeated at midnight and 4am) he was dealing mainly with Tim, a 21-year old self-styled head chef for whom 11 concurrent customers was too much to handle. Ramsay even cruelly sends Tim to his (Tim's) parents house to cook a meal for his parents and grandparents. the food was mostly prepared in advance but even that can't stop Tim from royally tanking. the process of watching the unassured and untrained Tim gain a base level of competence in time to have a successful night on Valentine's Day was engaging enough, but when peppered with Ramsay's constant barrage of expletives and other creative language (our favorites: pronouncing the "a" in "twat" as in the word "hand" and threatening at one point to "pickle [Tim's] testicles") it demanded a closer level of attention. by the time we reached the coda where Ramsay visits the restaurant a month later (only to find much of his effort undone and most of his advice unheeded), we were ready for another hour. i don't know if the show will hold up as well in future viewings, but considering there are currently just 4 episodes to be aired it may have some time before wearing thin.

you can read the Village Voice's take on the show and ready yourself for Ramsay's foray into American network television courtesy of (who else) Fox. just be prepared for lots of bleeps (BBC-A seems to only bleep out the "f*cks"). also just found is an article about Tim's attempt to gain a measure of revenge against Ramsay, featuring lots of words spelled like "f******".

Posted by Jamie at 11:19 AM | Permalink | Comments (9)

from the "blast from the past" department, what song should come wafting over from the next cubicle today but Dan Fogelberg's "Same Old Lang Syne" - a song i haven't heard in at least 12 years. growing up in a Fogelberg-intensive household left me permanently damaged. i still can't think about Tucson, Arizona without making the association to Dan and his proto-James Taylor balladeering. over the years i must have heard the song in question hundreds of times. but it was only after reading the lyrics today that i realized how insipid they are. it's like the musical equivalent of a third-rate Lifetime movie. or a cross between the Pina Colada Song (can you name the artist?) and Jackson Browne's "The Load Out". and despite the title, it's not really much of a holiday song so i'm not sure why it was being played in between "Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree" and some crap Mariah Carey seasonal schlock.

but perhaps the most horrifying thing about my brief foray back into the realm of Fogelberg was the discovery that this song has produced a work of fanfiction which for some reason is the property of MGM Studios.

Posted by Jamie at 10:52 AM | Permalink | Comments (10)

* giving visa extensions to Romanian strippers who work on your campaign might cause you unwanted scrutiny.

* legislative bodies where there's lots of yelling, booing and pounding of desktops might focus more attention on the debates taking place there, thus keeping the electorate more informed. but even if not, it's pretty damn entertaining.

* joining the US Army to "get an education" can lead to unexpected consequences when we decide to fight protracted, illegal land wars in Asia.

*striking liquor store workers in Quebec are sending people surging over the borders of Ontario and New Brunswick (and, one might imagine, New Hampshire) to procure their holiday intoxicants. wait, even their liquor store employees are unionized?

* i may be developing a crush on Carole MacNeil.

Posted by Jamie at 05:16 PM | Permalink | Comments (5)

Guided By Voices are breaking up and are playing their final New York shows this weekend. i'm extremely upset that i'll be missing the Saturday night show featuring the Chavez reunion, but the wife and i will be there for whoever the special guests are on Sunday night. and according to sources in the know, Sunday has been delcared "Guided by Voices Day" in NYC by Mayor Bloomberg, joining the numerous other cities that have issued GbV Day proclamations. i'll try and get a link to the official document when it becomes available.

December 5th also marks the end of Prohibition (thanks to the GbV 2004 calendar for that tidbit) a fact which i'm sure will not go uncelebrated on Sunday.

Posted by Jamie at 12:36 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

so NBC is going to announce that Conan O'Brien will replace Jay Leno on The Tonight Show during tonight's show. and as much as i'd love to laud them for making a great choice, i think that in reality this is about as bad of a choice as they could have made. don't get me wrong, Leno is an unwatchable, sycophantic, ingratiating mess who never should have gotten the job in the first place. but Conan just isn't Tonight Show material and his own show has become quite stale in the years since i watched his 5th Anniversary special over and over again. the show still misses Andy and Conan's quirky and self-deprecating routine doesn't keep you coming back. nor are his interviewing skills anywhere near absorbing. i can't remember the last time i heard someone talking about anything they saw on Conan, and given the choice, i'd rather watch an old Letterman rerun on Trio - they're still funny 20 years (or more) later. surely the next 5 years might bring a few new candidates, or at least give NBC a chance to hedge its bets a bit. ah well, call it reason #594 that network TV is destined for obsolescence.

Posted by Jamie at 05:21 PM | Permalink | Comments (10)

wow, who knew that Supermarket Sweep was still on the air? i guess i just assumed it had gone the way of Bumper Stumpers or Baby Races. doesn't it look like David Ruprecht has had a lot of "work" done? i suppose i could be indignant that Hollywood's culture of fake youth and attractiveness has trickled down to the 4th (5th?) tier of celebrity, but if the highlights of my career were playing Joyce DeWitt's boyfriend, writing five episodes of Small Wonder, and hosting a show where crazed midwestern housewives careen around with shopping carts full of glazed hams and laundry detergent, i'd probably want to boost my self-esteem too. it's not like the producers are sitting around saying "Gee, Dave's jowls are getting a little droopy, maybe it's time to replace him. Hey, what's Screech up to these days?"

Ruprecht, original and new extra-crispy

Posted by Jamie at 04:48 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

two interviews with original Sebadoh member Eric Gaffney (now playing in Fields of Gaffney) from the past year or so. the first is pretty starightforward, but the other is on some French website, and the interviewer's grasp of English grammar seems a bit shaky, leading to such phrases as the one in the title of this entry and "What kind of relationship do you have with your music instruments".

Posted by Jamie at 07:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

reading yesterday's article about Camplified was interesting for a couple reasons. first off it proved that there are no longer any safe havens where children can be guarded against the unholy hand of marketing. to wit:

The artists give live concerts, hold autograph sessions and sometimes participate in activities with the campers, all part of carefully orchestrated marketing campaigns to break through as the next Britney Spears or Backstreet Boy, or even Fefe Dobson, who was just on MTV's "Total Request Live" but only last year was headlining the Camplified show.

(bonus tidbit - one the bands featured, Huckapoo, has members named PJ Bardot, Angel Sparks and Twiggy Stardom who are apparently not pornstars.)

Continue reading "As one savvy 12-year-old put it, [it] was a "cool concept but kind of a bad concert."" »

Posted by Jamie at 03:55 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

of course, just when i mock the world or marketing and product placement, it turns around to pay out a little bit for turning my brain to mush. yesterday turned into some weird epic day. we sent away for Daily Show tickets months ago, and finally received them a few weeks back. then they called us and said that they had landed a big VIP guest and were arranging a special screening as a result and that we should plan on having our whole afternoon open. long story short, it was Tom Cruise and the screening was of "Collateral" which opens today. things just took off from there. here's how it played out:

11:30am - arrive at AMC Empire Googolplex in Times Square. the wife and I commiserate about how much we hate this part of town while waiting for our companions. some weird guy with a garbage bag gets too close to us, while some teenager tries to innocently butt in to sell us whatever half-assed magazine he's holding 20 copies of. no sale. we learn at this point that Cruise's people have commandeered numerous tickets to the taping later, so only 60 ticket holders will get in. slightly worrisome, but we all quickly agree that leaving the movie early is entirely within reason.

Continue reading "on about town" »

Posted by Jamie at 06:54 PM | Permalink | Comments (6)

i have been taking mucho shit since last week's episode of Six Feet Under, which everyone in the world seemed to hate except for me, the wife and O'Connors suds-man Bart. oh, and Heather Havrilesky from salon.com. fortunately, she's back this week to answer some questions about the show and stick up for the episode in question (the "David Gets Tortured" episode). a few select passages (you'll have to watch the ad to get the whole story):

I really have to say that, if anything, David's suddenly having to pay for his carelessness -- and it was his carelessness, and not his gayness, that got him into that mess -- is a truly unforeseeable twist. Most of the time on "Six Feet Under," there's seemingly very little rhyme or reason for the shit that hits the fan, from Nate's brain ailment to Lisa's drowning. If God strikes the Fisher family with misfortune a little more often than seems reasonable, maybe that's because the Fishers are so entertaining when they're suffering....

"Six Feet Under" does such a great job of overturning stereotypes (while working within the bounds of reality, mind you -- this isn't the typical "Free to Be You and Me" P.C. fantasy) that it's not exactly fair to attack the writers the second they stumble on a story that doesn't topple the common wisdom on a subject. Look, self-loathing, drug-abusing gay men who are gay bashers certainly exist, and I really felt that the story fit into David's unpredictable emotional trajectory well. Here he is, in a good relationship, he's finally safe, and he not only insists on feeling insecure anyway (sounds familiar, doesn't it?) but invites disaster into his life out of that insecurity. People who feel tremendously needy do stupid, stupid things in an effort to get rid of that feeling, and often end up knocking down the walls of their happy little Hobbit holes in the process.

now get off my back everybody. and if you saw last night's episode, keep it quiet 'cause i missed it and hope to catch it tonight.

Posted by Jamie at 05:59 PM | Permalink | Comments (5)

i don't know if Marc got around to DVRing this, but i caught Bravo's new show "Things I Hate About You" last night and found it rather enjoyable. the premise is that a couple gets to air their dirty laundry about how their partner can be a trial to live with by having cameras placed in their house and car for about 2 weeks while a camera crew also follwos them around. then they pit these foibles head-to-head against each other and a jury of 3 people votes on how annoying each one is on a 1-to-10 scale. lowest score wins a prize and the right to lord it over their significant other until they're withered and gray. fun!

lest you think the show is too mean spirited, they don't seem to be taking people whose overall relationship is shaky at all, and the peeves are more along the lines of "he always forgets things" rather than "he's always cheating on me". and did i mention that Mo Rocca hosts? his career is all over the place, from writer and producer on "Wishbone"on PBS to editor of Perfect 10 (you can find that link yourselves if so inclined) to the Daily Show and now this, but he has the perfect temperament for this assignment.

and let me just say that i enjoyed a few knowing laughs during the part where the guy in last night's episode complained about how his girlfriend/wife treated the dog better than she did him. the best part being where she suggests that he (who is allergic but was out of medication) sleep on the couch only to getsoffended when he claims that it should be the dog who sleeps on the couch.

i'm not saying you need to go out of your way to catch this, but it was certainly an acceptable way to fill an hour on a Tuesday night.

Posted by Jamie at 05:23 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

i hate to come back from a weekend a simply re-post material from elsewhere in digitaland, but Defamer is on a roll today with these back to back posts.

on the chilling prospect of someone shtupping Andy Dick as a career move:

Defamer tip to aspiring actors: Ration your dignity and career-igniting salad-tossings for the town's casting directors and producers--you only get a dozen of them before you permanently turn into a cater-waiter turning tricks in premiere party bathrooms.

and on Disney preferring Bob over Harvey:

It's Shaq and Kobe all over again! Except, you know, fatter and Jewish. For those of you who don't understand the sports reference, here's another way to think about it: Disney's a pimp that only has the resources to continue "turning out" one of two whores in the stable--and they're choosing the homely one that's willing to hit the streets every night and do anything (Scream, Scary Movie, Spy Kids) over the high-priced escort that only gets out of bed twice a year to blow a couple of Oscar-winners.

that should be enough to convince you that this site is a daily must read whether you're an Extra-watching celebraholic, or a snorting, cynical culture jammer.

Posted by Jamie at 02:33 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

the NYTimes belts out a story about the re-emergence of karaoke and its kudzu-like spread to many corners of the city as an exercise in togetherness:

Clearly, given the demographics, this is not the karaoke of crazy drunken uncles who worship Neil Diamond, nor is it the more studied karaoke first pioneered by Japanese businessmen. Instead, it is more akin to the swing-dancing craze of the 90's - a form of urban group expression that satisfies a longing for community.

In other words, karaoke is hot because it is a cheap team activity.......Karaoke etiquette holds that skill matters less than passion. "My favorite performers are the ones who suck but really put their heart into it; it's better that way," said Samantha Ronson, a singer who recently cut a debut album after being the karaoke hostess at Moomba in the West Village in the late 90's. It has since closed.

the comparison to the swing-dancing craze is unfortunate (did anyone actually do that? did the Cherry Poppin's Daddies really score a platinum record?) as that was foisted on a public still reeling from the horror of "Achy Breaky Heart" and its ilk. but the part about the people who can't sing but put their hearts into is right on. and i'm not talking about in pitful, William Hung sort of way, but in a more organic, cathartic sense. i tend to have a hard time totally letting it rip, but i have been told that my Fred Schneider during "Love Shack" is pretty uncanny. and the wife and i still have a score to settle with whoever signed us up for "Superfreak" the night before our wedding. watching the video of it the other night was a tad horrifying.

balgavy.com flashback: Mr. Met comes to Karaoke!

Posted by Jamie at 11:15 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

OK, so FOX has decided to go with a new show called "Trading Spouses" in which two families....well, do i really need to spell it out for you? this is an apparent attempt to beat ABC's "Wife Swap" - yet another pilfering of a British show - to the air (t.s.o.a. is disappointed that this is a reality show and not a made-for-TV-movie about Fritz Peterson and Mike Kekich). ordinarily, this wouldn't merit any further discussion, but in this case there's a twist: the whole concept of the show, including the name, is stolen from Chappelle's Show on Comedy Central. though i can't find any mention of the show on FOX's website yet, there have been a few ads that have aired and the rip-off appears to reach even into the fact that one of the families is white while the other is black, and that the white mother appears mildly consternated by the hip-hop she encounters in her new surroundings. if there's a kid named T-Mart, then we'll know that not one ounce of actual effort was put into this.

is there no recourse for Dave Chappelle in this situation? even though his show is a parody, doesn't it still have intellectual property rights? unless he stole the idea from the British show, which is possible, he should be suing the pants off of Rupert Murdoch & co. looks like we've got some questions for the next time we see balgavy.com's resident legal eagle and copyright law specialist Anne.

other chill inducing TV news: Alf to host talk show. *correction* this actually aired on July 7th, with an encore presentation on the 10th. no word yet on whether this was simply a one-off thing, or whether the folks over at TVLand are actively sabotaging their own network.

*UPDATE* (7/16) - i managed to ask Anne about this last night at O'Connors and she was extremely patient and helpful trying to color in all of the gray areas of the law in cases like this. i did my best to follow what she was saying and at one point thought i had come up with a similar scenario involving "Weird" Al Yankovic, but it didn't quite work. regardless, i still believe Mr. Chapelle would have a case even if the most concrete answer Anne could give me was "maybe".

Posted by Jamie at 05:23 PM | Permalink | Comments (7)

my cousin Marc (no relation to the balgavy.com headmaster) plays guitar in a band called SED, a rockin' outfit from the northeast. i've missed them when they've played the NYC area this year because one show fell on my birthday and another was a week before the wedding. i'm not sure that they're completely my cup of tea (the mp3 from their site has a bit of Alice in Chains, Tool and Rage Against the Machine in it), but i would like to see them next time they come through town. so keep your ears peeled because this is the only t.s.o.a.-related music you're likely to hear for a while - at least until those Mitten basement tapes get released on CD or i finally get around to replacing that broken string on my guitar.

my cousin, after pulling a Paul Simonon

Posted by Jamie at 04:58 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

been meaning to get into this for a while. during our recent trip to O-hi-a the rental car the wife and i were driving came equipped with XM Satellite Radio. and not since the advent of On Demand television have i been this excited about some piece of new technology. it may have even made me utter the phrase "bomb diggity" upon returning to the house after my first 10 minute excursion into the land of continuous signals. so much good stuff: individual stations devoted to each decade from the 40s to the 90s; instant traffic for large cities nationwide; regional weather that changes as you drive; two comedy stations (i almost immediately heard Richard Pryor dropping f-bombs...on the radio!); multiple sports channels; a station just for live performances (Wilco was the first thing I heard here); and the best part, a college radio-style station (XMU) and a station devoted to the history of punk and indie music called "Fred" for some reason. Fred treated us to a full live Housemartins show circa '87 and then gave us some live Violent Femmes. Elvis Costello, the Clash, the Pixies, etc. were also featured prominently. XMU was even better, playing plenty of bands we knew and liked (Modest Mouse, Death Cab for Cutie, Beulah, New Pornographers), some we had heard of but not heard (Denali, Franz Ferdinand) and lots that we had never heard of that we ended up liking (LaGuardia, the Wannadies [who have apparently been around for a while], Eleven Eleven, Edria). it wasn't all great, but it was fun listening and even when they repeated bands, they rarely repeated songs. the only problem came with the display, which was obviously not their top of the line model. long band names and song titles got cut off leaving us to wonder who exactly "The Jessica Flet...." was. i figured the surname must be "Fletcher" only to be inundated by Murder, She Wrote websites when i typed it into Google. damn you, Lansbury! still, when you can go from a Jerry Seinfeld monologue to baseball scores to the Minders in the span of 3 minutes you've got something good on your hands. if i had a car, i would definitely have XM and i'm now seriously contemplating getting the service for our house. it's only $9.99 a month or less if you go multi-year and the radios themselves are reasonably priced. and did i mention how there's almost no commercials and you never lose the signal? the dropouts we had never lasted more than a few seconds and were few and far between. fantastic.

Posted by Jamie at 06:03 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

you wanna talk com-a-dee, look no further than the next showing of Snakehead Terror on the Sci-Fi Channel. i was fortunate enough the catch the last 30 minutes last night, and spent most of that time trying not to laugh too hard so as not to miss one priceless moment. it made me yearn for the heyday of MST3K.

this original picture had it all. washed up leading man? check. former supermodel whose acting career never quote took off? check. ripped from the headlines? check (extra points for setting it in Maryland and for amping the "monsters" up until they became huge and bloodthirsty). horrible special effects, terrible acting, plot holes the size of quasars? check, check, check. great scene of a guy getting his brains eaten by a rubber fish? oh baby. it airs again on July 22nd at 7pm. if you happen across it, do yourself a favor and linger for a few minutes. i hope to catch the first hour+ if for no other reason than the set-up has to be at least as preposterous as the denouement.

in the who knew? department, a quick perusal of IMDB shows at least 3 horror-type movies based around the snakehead. it can only be a matter of time before Cinemax has its own late night "Passion at Snakehead Lake" or something.

Posted by Jamie at 11:47 AM | Permalink | Comments (4)

at first, i thought this headline about Christian Slater was merely funny. then i looked him up on IMDB, and you have to start to wonder. when the biggest things he's done in the past 5 years are "Windtalkers" and "3000 Miles to Graceland" that's barely gonna cover his coke bill. but wouldn't buying Star Wars figures because they were previously owned by Mr. Slater be a little like buying a car because it had been owned by Jon Voight?

help Christian get a hot meal by checking out the list of all the warez for sale here (link from Gizmodo via Defamer)

Posted by Jamie at 02:53 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

i was surprised i hadn't heard any mention of the Siren Festival yet this year until the wife mentioned it last night. this may simply be a testament to my out-of-the-loop-ness. but the lineup is actually enough to make me want to stand around in 95-degree weather all day: Death Cab for Cutie, the Thermals, TV on the Radio, the Fiery Furnaces, Mission of Burma, ...Trail of Dead. damn! my fingers are crossed that there won't be a bunch of overlapping sets and that there will be at least enough downtime at some point to ride the Cyclone. oh, the show is on July 17th for the link averse among you.

meanwhile, the summer concert glut is in its usual full swing this year, as the River to River Summer Festival has plenty going on. some highlights courtesy of ProductShopNYC (in a strange entry that contained a freestyle walking lede for some reason): Ted Leo/Pharmacists on 6/25 @ South St. Seaport; Fountains of Wayne on 7/13 @ World Financial Center; Old 97s on 7/14 @ Rockefeller Park in Battery Park City. there's also Beulah on 8/5 @ Castle Clinton. weren't they supposed to break up or something?

Posted by Jamie at 11:18 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

kfan pokes some delicious fun at the Olsen Twins today over at The Morning News, while Defamer recaps the delicious poke that Shrek 2 gave to the entire country this weekend.

i ended up not going to see a movie this weekend, but "The Happiness of the Katakuris" was on Sundance last night, which means i saw two great movies last week, having watched "The Straight Story" for the first time on Tuesday.

Posted by Jamie at 04:35 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

it's been off the air for a couple weeks so now seems like a good time to fill "The OC" void. first, Sports Guy Bill Simmons explains how "The OC" finally offers a suitable replacement for 90210 (he also deconstructs why only women watched "Friends" and why it was not a good show). as usual, his insight is pretty spot on even noting the unspoken disappearance of Marissa's sister halfway through the season.

then, Defamer sneaks an extra "OC"-related tidbit about Adam Brody and Rachel Bilson's off-screen romance into this Rush & Molloy related post about Lindsay Lohan's mammary glands, which have apparently hired their own publicist at this point.

Posted by Jamie at 04:31 PM | Permalink | Comments (11)

man are we in some pre-Memorial Day movie doldrums right now. i guess everyone is too busy pushing through the picket lines and fellating Michael Moore at Cannes to release anything worthwhile. not that i'm saddened by the fact that "New York Minute" has made only $10M. perhaps i'll have to go see Super Size Me this weekend.

Posted by Jamie at 05:56 PM | Permalink | Comments (21)

so Jeff Tweedy has emerged from rehab for a painkiller addiction (aka Rush Limbaugh's Disease) as well as depression and all that that entails. while i'm happy for him, i'm worried for the music. the next Wilco album is due out June 22nd so it should be safe, but i'm willing to bet that the next one (if there is one) will be disappointing.

are there any instances of a band or musician kicking drugs and then becoming better? all i can think of right now are the numerous legendary drug-addled blues and jazz artists; the Beatles who got more interesting (if a bit self-indulgent) when they started dosing; Aerosmith who emerged from the haze of the 70s clean & sucky; and Huey Lewis & the News who finally hit their stride with "I Want a New Drug".

Posted by Jamie at 01:18 PM | Permalink | Comments (5)

for some reason, i was recently thinking about the Matador Records back catalog. after sifting through it, i've managed to come up with my 11 favorite releases since their inception in 1990. this doesn't count albums distributed by Matador in Europe (Sleater-Kinney, etc.). albums are listed with their catalog numbers and release dates. mmmm....1995.

1. Pavement - Slanted & Enchanted (OLE-038 4/20/1992)
2. Guided By Voices - Alien Lanes (OLE-123 4/4/1995)
3. Chavez - Ride The Fader (OLE-200 11/5/1996)
4. Yo La Tengo - Electr-o-pura (OLE-132 5/2/1995)
5. Helium - The Dirt of Luck (OLE-124 3/21/1995)
6. Interpol - Turn On The Bright Lights (OLE-545 8/20/2002)
7. Thinking Fellers Union Local 282 - Strangers From The Universe (OLE-109 9/6/1994)
8. Liz Phair - Exile In Guyville (OLE-051 6/24/1993)
9. New Pornographers - Electric Version (OLE-551 5/6/2003)
10. Cat Power - Moon Pix (OLE-286 9/22/1998)
11. Belle and Sebastian - The Boy With The Arab Strap (OLE-311 9/8/1998)

bonus trivia: the last album matador ever released on cassette was the Arsonists "As the World Burns" on 8/24/99.

Posted by Jamie at 04:24 PM | Permalink | Comments (14)

one of my all time favorite SNL sketches: The Guy Who Plays Mr. Belvedere Fan Club. Phil Hartman's death has to be one of the great injustices of the past 10 years.

Posted by Jamie at 05:02 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Anheuser-Busch stock tumbled yesterday following the announcement of the impending break-up of alcohol-fueled rockers Guided by Voices. barley futures also dipped with the news on the assumption that orders will drop following the bands last show, tentatively scheduled for New York City on New Year's Eve. some analysts insisted that the malted beverage market would remain strong, however, due to increased consumption on the part of the band's legions of fans who will surely be looking for a way to dull the pain of a world without GbV, while others pointed out that prolific frontman Robert Pollard was unlikely to sit on the sidelines for long and likely already had 5-10 solo albums in the can that could be on the streets within a few weeks. despite Pollard's claim that "when we quit, Indie Rock will die", the Indie Rock Index showed no signs of weakening, while leading indicator Matador Records reacted to the news by announcing the impending release of a Bob Nastanovich record to consist of unintelligible screaming over spoken word of Bob reading from the Daily Racing Form.

has this leg kicked its last?

rest assured that t.s.o.a. will be doing its damndest to uncover the facts during our impending long weekend in central Ohio.

Posted by Jamie at 05:26 PM | Permalink | Comments (8)

at first i resisted the urge to link to this story about the Olsen Twins, but this passage just stuck in my brain:

Type "Olsen twins countdown" into Google and you'll find 3,600 sites that count the days, hours, minutes and seconds until June 13, when the Olsens turn 18 and will be legal to vote - not to mention have sex or pose for Playboy.

"The buzz on this has been building for five years," says Bill Doty, who runs a countdown clock on his Web site, www.brokennewz.com. "It's going to be a big day for a lot of guys.

what the hell is wrong with people? how will that constitute a "big day" for guys? are they all counting down so they don't have to feel dirty when they masturbate to them anymore? i don't know if i feel worse about being a guy or about being a citizen of a country where reaching the age of consent is likened to the opening of deer season ("i'm gonna bag me some twins!"). i hope they all choke on their Coors Lights.

(thanks to Claire for the link)

Posted by Jamie at 04:13 PM | Permalink | Comments (8)

the Bill Murray thing was great. the Q&A went smoothly and featured SNL writer Tom Schiller, Jim Jarmusch, Howard Franklin and the guy who directed Hamlet. there was a bit of an "Inside the Actor's Studio" vibe, only with less obsequious bootlicking. he seemed like a guy i wouldn't feel strange calling by his first name.

highlights of the evening included:

* the wife, upon seeing Elvis Mitchell, proclaiming "i bummed a smoke off that guy outside!"
* switching tickets with some people and getting to see Quick Change after all.
* noting that in the opening scene of Quick Change, there's a large billboard ad for Suntory in the background (good eye, wifey).
* Bill spending the first 10 minutes on stage with a button undone on his shirt allowing us a perfect vantage point of his bellybutton. and me without a camera.
* Bill deftly handling the question asking whether he is thankful every day that he's not Chevy Chase.
* the story in which Bill is tied to a pool chair by Hunter S. Thompson and dropped in to attempt an underwater escape.
* getting excited for Coffee & Cigarettes where Bill shares a scene with RZA and GZA and The Life Aquatic which is supposed to be released in December.

UPDATE: youthlarge has some thoughts on the night as well.

Posted by Jamie at 01:31 PM | Permalink | Comments (7)

for the sad, untimely and ultimately preventable death of "Weird" Al Yankovic's parents. read Al's note to his fans here.

growing up, i was, along with the official brother of t.s.o.a., probably a bit too into "Weird" Al but we would have rather listened to his versions of most of the songs he parodied. and with song titles like "Nature Trail to Hell", "Christmas at Ground Zero", and "Slime Creatures from Outer Space" it's not hard to see what was appealing to our pre-adolescent brains. UHF is one of those cult classic types of movies that still makes me laugh when i catch 15 minutes of it on USA at 4:30 on a Saturday afternoon. but it *is* hard to believe that he's still at it these days, and still winning Grammys. that should probably be a further indictment of the worst awards in existence, but really how great is it that he's been able to carve out a 20+ year career with this stuff?

somehow it's fitting that "you're no rock'n'roll fun" came on while i was typing this. i know that makes no sense.

bonus stuff: a 13-year old interviews Al for the Onion.

Posted by Jamie at 05:59 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

trolling around the web in my usual manner, i was semi-shocked to learn that Beck may be a Scientologist (he just married Giovanni Ribisi's twin sister - a known Scientologist as well). most people know the list of famous Hubbard followers: Cruise, Alley, Travolta, Presley, Juliette Lewis, etc. but what actors belong to marginal and/or shady religious sects? fortunately there's a page to direct you to a list for whatever religion you might be looking for. some choice samples:

Pagans: Cybill Shepard, Timothy Leary, Alice Walker, Brigitte Nielsen
Unitarians: Kurt Vonnegut, Pete Seeger
Zoroastrians: Freddie Mercury
Quakers: Dave Matthews, James Dan, Ben Kingsley, Richard Nixon (the same one who bombed Cambodia?)
Catholics: Guy Fawkes, Christina Aguilera, Eddie Van Halen
Christian Scientists: Danielle Steele, Rep. David Dreier, Mickey Rooney, Val Kilmer
Mormons: Gordon Jump, Rick Schroeder, Eliza Dushku, Neil LaBute(!), Kyle Farnsworth, Thurl Bailey
7th Day Adventists: Little Richard, Prince, David Koresh
Jehovah's Witnesses: Venus and Serena Williams, Chet Lemon, Ja Rule, Geri Halliwell

no word on whether Hugh Jackman is a snake handler or not.

Posted by Jamie at 02:59 PM | Permalink | Comments (12)

scene #1, yesterday 4:15 pm

the aforementioned bootlegger is walking by. he attracts my attention and asks "have we met?". "no" i reply, to which he says "'cause you look like that guy. y'know, from Thirtysomething." i chuckle politely and say that no, i'm not him. mr. copyright infringement says "ok, 'cause i was about to ask how you ended up working here." apparently dude doesn't watch The West Wing.

scene #2; today 8:30am

the B1 idling against the curb can only mean one thing: it's the bus driver who always stops here on 13th Ave. to run in for coffee and pastries, while the commuting masses are stuck in neutral. i wait for him to come back out and open the doors, and as he returns he looks and me, asks if i am waiting for him (affirmative) and says "damn you look like that guy!" as i climb the steps in front of him he announces to all of the passengers "hey everybody, it's the star of Thirtysomething!" provoking a laugh from the large human in the i-sit-here-so-i-can-chat-with-the-driver seat. i quietly slink to the deserted back of the bus and remind myself for the 10th time this week that i need to trim my beard.

---

the "that guy" comparisons are a fairly recent development caused mainly by the redness of my facial hair (the presence of which is also a recent development). the first comparison to a celebrity i ever got was during my freshman year of college when some girl told me i looked like Richard Dreyfuss. i've never been sure whether to take that flatteringly or not (she was cute). over the years i got a couple more of those, but for a long time i was almost always said to look like "Steve from 90210". so who do i look more like, Timothy Busfield, Richard Dreyfuss or Ian Ziering? quite frankly i'm not thrilled by any of those choices, so maybe i should put it to a vote to decide once and for all.

what say you?

Posted by Jamie at 11:49 AM | Permalink | Comments (14)

i don't know what's happened exactly, but my love for 24 is quickly tumbling of a cliff.   the plot contrivances seem more forced, the storyline seems less interesting, and kim bauer is driving me fucking nuts.   (intersting side note: type "i hate kim bauer" into google, and the first link you get is to this page of marc's blog from last season.   good stuff.)

so anyway, when the first week of this season ended showing jack about to shoot up, i got all jazzed because who the hell saw that coming?   but we're forced to buy that kim (without benefit a college degree!) is now working at CTU, and not only that, but she's right in the middle of big important things.   then there's the romance with the rugged chase, jack's partner.   double ugh.   but ok, at least we got salazar killing his lawyer and a corpse delivery out of the deal.   plus more intrigue with president palmer and his romantic entanglements, and another mole inside CTU!

then last night, we're supposed to buy that kyle singer managed to elude capture despite the fact that there were security guards, cops and federal agents surrounding the whole scene?   i understand that tony getting shot was a bit distracting, but this kid is harboring a deadly infectious disease that could wipe out thousands of people, and no one watched where he was heading?   meanwhile, michelle is getting a call from tony's surgeon just 10 real time minutes after he was shot saying they're ready to operate?   then she calls the hospital 18 minutes later to check on him, and is told he's still under the knife.   well duh!   how long do you think vascular surgery takes?   this is just sloppiness on the show's part, and shows that they don't trust viewers to remember things beyond one or two commercial breaks.

and now jack's gonna go all commando again, striking out on his own to stop the virus from being released?   he claims that it will look like he's "switched sides" since he has a history of pulling these types of stunts.   but he's always been vindicated before by the nobler goals that he has tethered himself to, so why wouldn't anyone see through this charade right from the get go?   what this means is that we're now going to get a lot of scenes with kim where she's confused and/or crying over her father's actions while chase has to 1) comfort her, and 2) try to figure out how to dump her sorry ass without jeopardizing his job.

i just don't know. not that they're similar, but i got sick of survivor after the second season as well, so maybe i have some sort of tolerance threshhold that has been exceeded.   then again, i loved the part where they locked kyle singer and his pop tart girlfriend in the isolation chamber, so i'm not giving up yet.   but i need a rally here.

Posted by Jamie at 03:43 PM | Permalink | Comments (6)