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November 22, 2008

way better than gifts of wood

the wife and celebrated our 5th anniversary this weekend and got to cross a couple places of the "to visit" list as a result. one was intentional, the other quite by accident.

last night, for the official celebration, we trekked back to Manhattan for dinner at the Bridge Cafe - "the oldest drinking establishment in New York." this place had been on my radar since soon after i moved here, and apparently it was a favorite of former mayor Ed Koch. i don't remember when i first came across it, but i used to see it quite often from the onramp to the Brooklyn Bridge and i liked the idea of eating in the shadow of the bridge in a place that would recall centuries gone by. the atmosphere didn't quite live up to my imagination, but the ambiance was nicely cozy, especially on such a chilly, breezy night after a 10-minute walk from the subway. and imagine my delight when they had an extensive menu of whiskeys available from the bar (the long wooden bar itself being one of the older touches in the place along with a few old signs advertising 45-cent goulash and some lithographs of the opening of the Brooklyn Bridge). we never even saw the wine list. i had a Manhattan made with Michter's single-barrel rye while the bar made up a variation on hot buttered rum for the wife. off to a good start.

for our appetizers, i got the crab-spinach-artichoke fondue while she got the breaded, fried oysters. the fondue was awesome- like a great artichoke dip. the oysters were pretty good, too, though they could have benefited from a crispier coating. the main course presented a dilemma. the wife fixated on the diver scallops right off the bat while i wavered (no shock to anyone who has ever gone out to eat with me). the pork chop seen in the online menu was not listed, and i had talked myself out of the ribeye already. but that left the "famous" buffalo steak and two specials: a blackened grouper, and wild game sausage. the game in question turned out to be venison, elk and wild boar, and the accompanying sauerkraut and potatoes sealed the deal for me. again, i was thrilled with my selection, though we weren't able to definitively determine which sausage was which. they were all delicious. the scallops, however, also fell in to the "just OK" category, though the accompanying sauce was pretty tasty. for dessert we got a bread pudding and a carrot cake. the pudding came with a bourbon caramel sauce that made the whole thing. the carrot cake would have been better at room temperature, but was a nice rendition nonetheless. i capped the evening with a single malt Connemara Irish Whiskey that "peaty" only begins to describe. it was delicious and steeled me for the blustery power walk back to the subway. the less said about the young couple who were sitting across from us and may or may not have had a white limo waiting outside for them, the better.

when we got home, i got a small present - celery bitters from LeNell's (naturally). i quickly dashed a bit into a glass of seltzer and the result was what i assume a Cel-ray tastes like, though i've never had one of those. the only disappointment came when i learned that LeNell herself had been disparaging of my enjoyment of Jameson. now i understand that there is a world of whiskey out there, and i love that LeNell's carries a wide variety and that much of that variety is reasonably priced. i love to explore and experiment as much as anyone, and i've always had pleasant interactions with the folks who work there, so i'm willing to overlook this particular incident. but i don't always want to have to ponder over every sip (you could make similar analogy with microbrews vs. Yuengling or other mass-produced swill) so i will remind her that the store's phone number is (877) NO-SNOBS and leave it at that.

even after a solid night of sleep, i woke up today feeling none too hungry. the wife and i planned to head out to purchase our very own seltzer maker, but our preferred location was closed today for the Sabbath. so we set out for the second store on the list, albeit without calling ahead. as could have been predicted, that place seemed to no longer exist, so we decided to hoof it to yet another place, about 20 blocks away. as we walked along, we realized that we were in a heavily Jewish area, and that our chances of completing our mission were dwindling. our disappointment grew when we passed the (closed) Pomegranate supermarket that looked like it would have merited a stop. the store carrying the seltzer maker still existed this time, but was indeed observing its day of rest rather than engaging us in some down-and-dirty commerce. the final kick in the pants came when we saw a new Pickle Guys location, also closed. apparently, it would displease god to allow to me buy a freaking pickle on a Saturday. i think i broke at least 3 commandments expressing my displeasure at this turn of events.

all was not lost however, for we realized we were in Midwood, home of DiFara Pizza - a scant 5 blocks from where we stood (also home to Oh Nuts, a mas favorite (and thanks to him for the address assistance), but another Saturday casualty). so off we went. it was about 2:45, it was crowded up front, and i was finally getting hungry. it took many minutes to get our order placed (regular pie with anchovies), but there was an available table, which we were all too happy to grab. we were prepared to wait, and it took about 45 minutes for our pie to appear. to this point, we have both been proponents of Totonno's in Coney Island, so we were anxious to see how this stacked up given all we had heard over the years. we definitely weren't disappointed. everything tasted great, from the tangy sauce to the creamy cheese to the salty, salty anchovies. the crust was a winner as well, and useful for mopping up oil and topping spills, though it might have benefitted from another minute or so in the oven - it was still very light colored with almost no char whatsoever. the fresh basil is always a welcome addition - one of the reason i love having Waldy's around the corner from my office. i packed three slices away and could have done a fourth, but was talked down by my better half. it's sitting in the refrigerator right now calling out to me. it probably won't be long now. that said, and knowing that char levels can vary from visit to visit, neither of us was prepared to knock Totonno's and its coal-fired glory from the perch at #1. something about the total package there just can't be touched. not that we've tried every possible contender. we'll need to make a pilgrimage to Staten Island some day. and another one to New Haven. maybe even to Trenton. but the best part is that there is no right answer, and we win just by playing. now if you will excuse me, i have a toaster over to preheat.

November 18, 2008

if they can disenfranchise the Expos, why not the writers?

since Fire Joe Morgan has gone on hiatus, someone needs to take baseball writers to task for their asininity. that person is almost definitely not me since i am about 1/1,532,823rd as funny as those guys. but for now, i will still take this opportunity to deride the BBWAA for the loopy logic behind some of the postseason award voting, specifically the NL MVP.

OK, you didn't totally screw things up since the right guy won, but let's start with the fact that a guy who played in only 53 games ended up in 4th place. yes, i know he was amazing, but you only voted him that high because he played those games in August and September. Lance Berkman had 2 great months as well - pretty much the equal of Manny's 2 months - but they were in April and May, and so he ended up 5th. but that's just scratching the surface, because the guy you voted to 2nd place - let's call him the Almost-MVP or AMVP - was only the 5th most valuable player on his own team according to a statistic that actually includes "Value" in the title. yes, that team went to the playoffs and yes they won the World Series (not that you knew at the time), but he was less valuable than Jamie Moyer. 45-year-old Jamie Moyer! the man has given up home runs to Luis Aguayo (who? exactly) and 1975 NL Batting Champ and co-All-Star MVP Bill Madlock. he gave up Barry Bonds 11th career HR. but he still out-VORPed Ryan Howard in 2008.

all of this is understandable, if not entirely defensible. after all, Manny brought the Dodgers to the playoffs and Howard hit 48 HRs, and those are some nice, shiny things you can point to. where the whole thing really falls apart, though, is with the pitchers. yes, pitchers are an afterthought in the whole MVP race (where have you gone Guillermo Hernandez?), but you would expect some internal consistency within the ranks of the writers/voters. but those expectations are quickly dashed once you realize you are dealing with a group of people who stopped thinking in anything but cliches around the age of 10. which is how you end up with this: Tim Lincecum wins the Cy Young Award as the best pitcher int he National League. then the time comes to vote for MVP, and not only is Lincecum *not* the highest ranked pitcher, he comes in 4th! in fact the order of the top 4 Cy Young vote-getters is reversed in the MVP vote. Brad Lidge is given the highest ranking and gets two 1st place votes despite the fact the he received 0 (i repeat, 0) 1st place votes for Cy Young. holy bleeping hell, how on earth do you justify that? i know he didn't blow a save all year, but that somehow makes him more valuable than the 3 guys you judged were better pitchers? this is like saying that Rocky Road is your favorite ice cream, then turning around and ranking it behind Pistachio, Chocolate Chip and Cookie Dough on your list of favorite desserts. without Tim Lincecum, the Giants would have been lucky to win 55 games (they won 72). is there no value in preventing your team from being one of the worst of all time? apparently not. but it's still insane, because Lidge got more MVP points than both Johan Santana and Brandon Webb, most likely because neither of their teams made the playoffs. but Santana's team won 5 more games than the Dodgers did, missing the playoffs only due to an unbalanced schedule and the existence of random geographical groupings. would Santana have ranked higher if the Mets had played in the NLWest? because if you're taking making the playoffs into account, then how do you explain 2006, when Howard won the MVP over Pujols despite the fact that the Phillies stayed home while the Cardinals went on to win the World Series? you can't because you're all bunch of mouth-breathing lunkheads who think that "hustle" and "guts" are as important as "hitting". did i mention that Lidge was only the 3rd most valuable pitcher on his team behind Moyer and Cole Hamels? or that Chase Utley (the actual most valuable Phillies player) finished behind Howard and Lidge for MVP? no? good, because if i did i would probably have an aneurysm.

lastly, baseball writers, can we talk aboutyour website? i know that you're not the most technologically advanced subculture in this strange little world of ours (something that too many of you are probably a little too proud of), and that you don't have time to learn all this newfangled stuff about VORP, and RSS, and Twittering (you're right, it does sound dirty) but you are at least familiar with the concept of graphic design, right*? so you are aware, then, that the BBWAA site looks like it was designed by a 13-year old in 1997? and that it should be hosted at a GeoCities address? would it be piling on for me to mention that your "coverage" page doesn't even have links for, like, 60% of the teams in MLB? or that the message board in your "Members only" section is advertised as "to come" despite the fact that message board technology pretty much existed back when most people used modems to download ASCII porn? it may be, and i've asked far too many rhetorical questions here already, so i'll just say that if you want to be viewed as something other than a group of dinosaurs who are out of touch with the times, you might consider creating a homepage that requires more than 54 lines of HTML. or at least stop voting for players who are ineligible for the awards.

* if not, here's a fun place to start - an investigation into the origins of the MLB logo

November 13, 2008

the 867th next best thing to being there

dear NFL Network,

i understand that you're not thrilled that there are lots of people who can't see the games you broadcast on Thursday nights due to your ongoing dispute with several cable companies, including the tools at Time Warner. i understand that you want me to take my indignation and shout it from the rooftops - that it is my American, god-given right to have every football game played on earth sent directly into my living room; that i am missing hilarious beer commercials and vital promotions for video games featuring life-like hitting and swaggering. i may think your demands are ridiculous and that your network is 99% superfluous, but i understand your point of view.

and the i see that you're offering a live stream of the game via nfl.com, and i think "hey, maybe these jizzheads have a heart after all. maybe they do want to placate fans." and then the fantasy falls apart because i log on and even though the game is in progress, i am instead taken to the studio for the mindless blather of a bunch of overpaid talking suppositories. if you're not going to show some portions of the game, can you explain why? i would understand if you were showing me more ads to boost your revenue or making a pitch for me to call my cable company right there, but instead you're just wasting a lot of time and bandwidth.

instead you're giving me extended analysis in the studio from douchenozzles like Solomon Wilcots (why?). or you're showing me a fluff piece about Brett Favre (because there's not enough of *those*). or you're giving me a sideline report from (not that) Randy Moss - while the game is going on behind him! i can almost make out what is happening! then you cut away to show me highlights of the game - most of which i have miraculously seen to this point - and we miss a kickoff return for a TD!!! at this point i want your ass on a platter. but what i really want, the reason i actually am sitting here frying my testicles with a laptop, is to just see...the...freaking...game. i would be watching it on TV if i could. i would be out in a bar supporting our tanking economy except i don't get paid until tomorrow and i spent my last $20 picking up laundry (you're welcome, economy).

so, in closing, smell you later, get bent, a pox on you, eat shit and die, you get the idea. i've gotta go do the dishes.

November 09, 2008

pascal's pink triangle

in perusing a story about a British bookmaker that has placed odds on the existence of god, the last paragraph caught my attention:

The French philosopher Blaise Pascal argued that although God's existence cannot be proven through reason, it makes sense to have religious faith since a person has everything to gain – an "infinitely happy life" – and nothing to lose by doing so.

i guess ol' Blaise never heard of Proposition 8. then again, he apparently called marriage "the lowest of the conditions of life permitted to a Christian". zing! what a cutup. seriously, though, nothing to lose? as if religion had never deprived anyone of freedom or choice? as if no one ever committed evil deeds in the name of god? perhaps it is because i am a product of a significantly more morally-relative era, but even looking at it from a logician's point of view it would seem a hard statement to defend. and indeed, it seems there have been numerous criticisms lobbed at "Pascal's Wager" over the years. then i started reading more of his quotes, and he seems to have had a pretty bleak opinion of human nature and the prospects for happiness in this mortal coil (cf. "Nothing is surer than that the people will be weak" or "How hollow is the heart of man, and how full of excrement!").

of course, i meant this entry to be just a toss-off and it has instead started me down a path of late-night reading and existential thinking that leads to a very tangled set of intralocutions. Pascal was interested in attacking certainty, and i am finding that commodity in short supply now. in the interest of sleep and mental peace, however, i will sum it up by noting that when i saw that they were giving 4-to-1 odds on god's existence, my first thought was "yeah, that seems about right" and now i'm not sure whether that means i'm more or less predisposed to the concept and and how much hedging of my bets needs to be done to ensure that i don't lose my metaphysical shirt.

one word better than the 6-word short story

review i wish i had written from eMusic user ernie-c, re: Vivian Girls

"yeah, i remember Tiger Trap."

November 05, 2008

in the hours that followed

post-election memes, via friends' Facebook Status Updates:

joy
"[friend] cannot belive the overwhelming excitement on the streets tonight. It happened!!"
"[friend] is yesterday was a magical day."
"[friend] is so excited about the future. Wahoo!"
"[friend] is giddy!!!!"
"[friend] is WOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOO!"

pride
"[friend] is so proud of Ohio going Blue and not Red"
"[friend] now lives in a blue state....how great is that!"
"[friend] s very proud to be an American. What a day. And for me personally, a long way from South Carolina in the 1970s. God bless America."

relief
"[friend] is relieved it wasn't all a dream :)"
"[friend] is so glad it wasn't all a dream."
"[friend] is relieved."

overconsumption
"[friend] has a hangover, a smile, and a healthy respect for Nate Silver at fivethirtyeight." (amen to that - i've been glued to that site for weeks)
"[friend] has the best hangover ever."
"[friend] had to teach class this morning with an election hangover (but was happy to do it!)"
"[friend] is intellectually hung over."
"[friend] has never been so happy to be so hung over."

patriotism
"[friend] has never felt so patriotic!"
"[friend] is proud to be an American for the first time in her adult life and can breathe again."
"[friend] is feeling very optimistic about the future of our country right now."
"[friend] is going to actually say the pledge of allegiance with his homeroom tomorrow for the first time."
(bonus from my sister-in-law: "I may even start saying the pledge again.")

retreating disbelief
"[friend] still doesn't think it's sunk in."
"[friend] It's still sinking in."

small dissatisfaction
"[friend] is so excited about yesterday, and can't describe what an amazing night it was in Harlem. But her heart is a little broken over Prop 8."
"[friend] is wtf prop 8??"
"[friend] - is Ted Stevens really going to win? Are we sure we don't want to let Alaska just go ahead and secede?"

there's some crossover between these, but i'm pretty sure i felt all of these at one time or another over the last 18 hours. but it's gonna be a long 76 days.