the shrewdness of apes

today's Guardian has a great feature with musicians (and others) badmouthing classic albums that normally get a pass from any criticism. it's something we've probably all experienced at some point, and the albums discussed run the gamut from Nevermind to Pet Sounds to Dark Side of the Moon and there's lots of great lines like this one about the Strokes: "If ever there was a point where Gucci and rebellion were married together, it was right there." or this one about Trout Mask Replica: "It sounds like you feel when you've taken the wrong drugs, like going to your mate's dope party on speed. I'd listen to it with my head in my hands."

if i had to choose an album to put on the list, it would have to be "Horses" by Patti Smith. it's been about 15 years since i heard it for the first time and i've only come across it a handful of times since then, but it makes no more sense to me now as a "classic" than it did then. what exactly is supposed to be good about this album? i suppose i can see it in some ways as a counterpoint to to bloatedness and superficiality of a lot of 70s music, but the music itself leaves me totally cold and her voice is completely unappealing. and i like plenty of unappealing voices. meanwhile, 30 years later, did this album really accomplish anything? these days she just shows up at rallies to sing the execrable "People Have the Power" (note to Patti: no, they don't. i believe it was sold for stock options sometime in the mid-90s). i just listened to a snippet of the reggae crap of "Redondo Beach" and i'm wondering who on earth could seriously find that appealing in any way.

as my friend Dave would say it's a broccoli album - you're supposed to like it because you've been told it's good for you but i can't find anything redeeming in it (i actually like broccoli, but you get the point). it makes me feel like i'm at someone's poetry reading or performance art piece and afterward everyone is going up to her and being like "oh my god, that was so powerful. i really got what you were doing there" and i'm hanging toward the back thinking "OK can we all just get a fucking beer now and talk about Knocked Up?"