fun with elective surgery
after my busiest season of the year at work, i finally got some time to spend with my old friend the internet over the weekend. as usual, s/he (has the internet been assigned a preferred gender yet? i think it needs one) didn't disappoint. cf. this article from Flak about vasectomy. i'll spare you the gory details, especially of the horrifying "Scenario 2" but i will share this amusing paragraph:
The premise is simple enough. Impregnation happens when sperm travels through a pair of tubes from the testicles to the penis and hence, now carried in a viscous fluid, into a woman who loves Daddy very much. By severing each of these tubes, called a vas deferens (plural: vas deferentia), the sperm is prevented from carrying out its mission, sexual congress is decoupled from reproduction and the Pope cries in his muesli. Another victory for science and reason over nature.
that prompted me to send the link to my brother who underwent the dreaded procedure last year. (side note: his first offspring now has his own blog which can be found here and updated daily so far. proud uncle that i am, i think it's more entertaining than about 98% of what's out there, including what you are now reading.) i hadn't really talked to him about it at all, but he sent along some details. those with strong stomachs can read on after the jump. the squeamish will be better off just reading Flak's review of Domino's Brooklyn-style pizza.
yowsa...yeah pretty close to my experience although i had door #1 and not that horrifying door #2. i didn't even know that was a possibility. there were some differences - i wasn't asked to shave ahead of time but he did give me a little touch up while i straddled a trash can. i also didn't get the room of many pleasures and instead had to get the sample at home and bring it to the hospital lab. i was really hoping for the pornography room but no luck. plus i had to get 2 samples with no action before getting the thumbs up to begin my life as a non-reproducer.the weekend was terrible. the pain was bad and i wasn't informed about the need for snug underwear so i had a bit of a sore week afterwards as well. i was also given a small bit of percoset for the pain, which i took, and ended having a terrible reaction to and vomiting and vomiting and vomiting all night then being cold and achy and miserable for 2 days. thanks pharmaceuticals! i swear i threw up more food than i had eaten. it was crazy. also there was no cauterizing, instead he ties each side back so they don't end up refusing themselves together and creating little junior. i asked him how i'd be sure they wouldn't go back together, "do i give a sample every year to make sure." "no" he replied. i guess we'd find out the hard way.
the nausea during the process is dead on. i thought i wanted to know exactly what he was doing the whole time, because that's what bugs me about the dentist, i have no idea what they're up to in there. but as he was describing it and i felt a tug and heard a snip i instantly got incredibly woozy, sweating, ready to blow but he called the nurse and she gave me a cool compress and we ended up chatting about nonsense once i realised i really didn't want to know what he was up to. i'm not one who freaked about the idea of someone "messing with my manliness" but the mental image of him cutting through tubes and stuffing those thing back inside me was a little overwhelming. a bizarre and tough experience which was no fun but i would recommend wholly since it was really only a week of discomfort and that was it. modern science is incredible.
Comments
Do I need to sign some sort of release form?
By the way, according the French, the internet is a man.
Posted by: crispin | May 29, 2007 01:21 PM