the shrewdness of apes

everyone who takes the subway everyday knows that it can be an aggravating experience. such is life, i suppose. for me it's gotten a little bit sunnier due to the new techology being used on the L train. after long-term service interruptions that pissed off North Brooklynites for months, they now have displays in the stations that tell you how long until the next train arrives. the displays still say they are being tested, but they've been relatively accurate in my observation. this works out great because i can use the info to decide whether it's worth waiting for the train for my trip between 1st Ave. and Union Square or heading back outside and jumping on a bus. today, for instance, i just missed a train but saw that the next one was only 3 minutes away. sure enough, the next train came cruising in as advertised.

that's one small step in the right direction, but i want to be in charge of the MTA some day, or at least in charge of the day-to-day operations, so that i can get to the bottom of some of the other annoyances. such as:

* why do trains sometimes wait in the station as a local/express train pulls in on the adjacent track, but other times shut their doors and take off without waiting? who is making that decision? i hate it when i'm pulling in on the express while the local is pulling out (especially during non-rush hours when you know the next train is at least 8 minutes away, if not 15-20). or when i nd up waiting on the platform for 3 minutes for another train to "make a connection".

* why are there certain spots where trains always seem to be going slowly? i'm not talking about when there's heavy train traffic, but like when you've waited for 10 minutes so you know there's no trains directly ahead of you, but you're stopping in tunnel anyway. or when you take the same route every day but you never seem to be going anywhere close to top speed. i noticed this a long time ago on trains that go over the Manhattan Bridge; they always seem to be ambling along instead of running. but why? you never get a specific answer. it's always "red signals" or something equally nebulous. lately, i've noticed the trains slowing between Union St. and Pacific St. on the R/M line in the mornings and between Pacific St. and Dekalb Ave. on any train in any direction. is it because of track curvature? track disrepair? the presence of homeless squatters living down there? anyone else have any areas that they notice trains consistently operating below what would be considered a "normal" speed?

* why can't they extend the G train to 4th Ave so that it can connect to the M/R at 9th St.? there's still a 3rd track at the 7th Ave. station that they could use to turn the G trains around (currently they use the "express" tracks at 4th Ave. for this purpose), and it would make a valuable connection between the lines. instead, you have to get on the F train and go one stop to Smith/9th Streets in order to get on the G, which is highly annoying.

* why do some weirdos decide to sit right next to you, even when there are plenty of other open seats around that won't result in an invasion of your personal space?

OK, that last one doesn't have an easy answer, but egotistical masochist that i am, i'm pretty sure i could fix the other stuff. or, at the very least, offer up some reasonable explanations. while i'm in fantasy world, i'd also get people to actually let passengers off the train before they push their way on and provide recycling bins for newspapers, bottles and cans.

(aside: anyone have a TimesSelect account I could borrow briefly? i wanted to pull a quote from a Sports column today, but couldn't access the digital version and didn't have the print version handy. thanks.)