the shrewdness of apes

about a week ago, the Baltimore Orioles sent 40-year old relief pitcher Steve Reed to the minors which is the type of thing that happens without notice countless times per season. on the off chance that Reed never again pitches in the major leagues, i would like to take the time to commemorate him. Reed pitched for 7 different teams, putting up 870+ innings of solid middle relief. he doesn't have any gaudy numbers, never pitched in a World Series, racked up only 48 wins and 18 saves and never led the league in anything. in one of his biggest moments in the spotlight, he allowed 8 runs in just 1 and 1/3 innings against the Red Sox in Game 4 of the 1999 ALDS (there's a picture of me smiling in front of a TV showing the 23-7 final score of that game somewhere in a shoebox).

so what the hell is this all about? with little expected argument, i would like to proclaim Steve Reed to be the best pitcher in Colorado Rockies history. far from an oxymoron or a backhanded compliment, this is quite an accomplishment. the offense-augmenting effects of Colorado and Coors Field are well documented, and Reed is the only pitcher i'm aware of who consistently beat the odds there and put up numbers that would look pretty good in any park. for his career in the mountains, he had an ERA of 3.63 and a WHIP of 1.27 in 499 IP. his 466 hits allowed in those innings is superb considering and his 67 HR allowed is mitigated by the cirucmstances of his home stadium. and since Coors suppresses strikeouts, his 352 Ks is better than it looks too. he never made an All-Star team and isn't going to the Hall of Fame, but what he did in 7 seasons in Colorado is nothing short of spectacular. if he had 1 more IP, he would dominate the franchise leaderboard.

if you're still looking at those numbers and thinking "eh, he was OK", consider this: his ERA+* for his years in Colorado is 141 (with a career total that was 138 before he completely tanked this season in Baltimore). 100 would be a league average pitcher and the career leader - Pedro Martinez - sits at 167. where would 141 put him on the all time list, if he qualified? tied with Greg Maddux and Roger Clemens at number 12 all-time. his 138 career mark would put him in the 16th spot along with Tim Hudson, Cy Young and Three Finger Brown. he falls short of the 1000 career IP needed to qualify, but that's some pretty rarefied air. fans of recent Mets teams are advised to ignore the fact that John Franco is 14th all-time in ERA+, as well the fact that the Mets traded Jason Bay to the Padres for 26 innings of Reed at the trading deadline in 2002.

Reed combatted the altitude by starting low

i won't claim that Reed should be bound for Cooperstown, but he deserves some recognition for consistent success in a harsh environment. considering he went undrafted in over 80 rounds during the 1988 draft and didn't make the major leagues full-time until he was 28, the submariner had a very productive career for his position.

* ERA+ is a measure of the pitcher's ERA compared to the league ERA, adjusted for scoring environment and park factors. scores of >100 are above average.

Posted by Jamie at 09:51 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

the wife has already espoused the benefits of having the World Almanac in the house, so i won't go on at length about it except to say that even in this internet age, there's something about a reference book and it's segmented continuity that is especially pleasing to the left hemisphere of the brain. you never have to worry about pop-up ads or hyperlinks or plug-ins when you're reading a book.

so while flipping through the Almanac last week, there was a timeline of American history that led me to something i had never previously learned - the 1954 shooting at the U.S. Capitol carried out by Puerto Rican nationalists who shot off 30 rounds and injured 5 Congressmen. this is a huge story that - if my experiece is any indication - gets very little play in our schools and press and i have to wonder why that is. in these terror-addled times, it's almost calming to realize that this sort of thing was happening during an otherwise tranquil time in our history. perhaps that's why these things don't come up, because they poke holes in the "things were so much better/simpler/easier back then" nostalgia that we're constantly being spoonfed in order to sell us religions/wars/TV News*. or perhaps i'm simply in the minority for never having heard about it.

regardless, it seems pretty fascinating to me and the internet has proved its mettle by pointing me to several sources of information. i found an article from last year around the time of the 50th anniversary of the attack, the Wikipedia entry for ringleader Lolita Lebron and a copy of an article from last year's Washington Post Magazine about Lebron. amazingly, President Truman reduced the death sentences given to the perpetrators to life sentences. even more amazingly, President Carter pardoned them all in 1979 after 25 years in prison (some say the move was motivated by Cuba's release of several American prisoners around the same time). maybe that "soft on crime" label the Democrats have been lugging around for decades isn't so underserved after all. can you imagine something like that happening today? the outcry would be swift and overwhelming.

* my earlier praise for books was not so much nostalgia as simply pointing out how a book is a discrete, static entity that just feels different than reading on a computer. perhaps it is a function of my remembering a pre-internet world that for longer-form online pieces, i often prefer to print them out and read them in analog form. i find it easier to concentrate on what i'm reading that way. however, i certainly would not advocate for some sort of roll-back-the-clock Luddite Valhalla like some terrorists i could name.

Posted by Jamie at 01:53 AM | Permalink | Comments (6)

tonight's episode: car battery

the problem: the Jeep i drive for work came up lame a few weeks ago when i accidentally left the lights on for 5+ hours while playing softball. in my defense, you have to turn the lights on the start the car and it used to make a sound when you turned it off and the lights were still on. that noise has since ceased for some reason related to the fact that the car has suffered much wear and tear over the course of 113,000 miles of New York City driving.

manifestation: when i returned to the parking lot, the car would not start. a nice gentleman in a white van gave me a jump, and everything seemed to be OK (there are more details involving the process of getting the hood open due to damage caused by an accident i was in the previous week, but i don't need to incriminate myself in more boneheaded acts right now). but half a block from home, stopped at a red light, the engine just petered out and would not restart. fortunately i was on a slight downslope and was able to (very slowly) coast across the street and park. later that evening a frined came by with a car and we attempted another jumpstart. again, i was able to start things up, but this time the engine cut off seconds after the jumper calbe were disconnected. one last attempt was able to keep it running long enough for me to park it on the other side of the street t avoid alternate side penalties the next day, but that was it. clearly, a new battery was needed.

attempted solution: this was an accidental d.i.y. effort. due to work requirements, i really needed the car to be functioning that week, so i hoped that i could get a mechanic in my neighborhood (there are about 83 of them in a 10 block radius) to come by and replace it. no one was in a terribly helpful mood until i got to Midas, and i was running low on time. they couldn't do anything unless i got the car towed there, but the guy behind the counter said "why don't you just go over to Joe's, get a battery and put it in yourself?" after assuring me that i would only need a wrench to get the job done, i decided to go for it. 5 minutes later i was walking home with a 40 pound battery in tow. of course, 15 minutes of frantic searching turned up no wrench - we are a household where the wife brought more tools into the relationship than i did. a quick trip to a neighbor produced two wrenches and some dollar store work gloves rounded out the equipment list. it was time to get to work.

the setup was surprisingly simple: there was a bar holding the battery in place and two wires connected to the positive and negative terminals. once everything was removed, the old battery popped out with ease and the new one took it's place. terminals were connected, bolts were tightened and amazingly enough, the car started right up. problem solved!

well, not so fast. on the trip into Manhattan, the battery and "check engine" lights both came on after 15 minutes. the same thing happened on the way home that night, but there was no sputtering or any other signs of trouble, so i thought that maybe the car was just "getting used to" the new battery, a suspicion that seemed confirmed the next morning when the trip to work was accomplished sans warning lights. that afternoon, however as i headed home to walk the dog and make a pickup before heading back to work, the speedometer stopped working as i hurtled down the BQE. not a good sign. i made it home fine, but knew deep down that the Jeep would not start again when i got back into it. this time my instincts were correct as the only noise was the "click-click-click" that indicated that no charge was reaching the engine. two guys on the street fished out a portable battery to attempt another jump, but that only succeeded in getting me to the end of the block. after explaining that i had just replaced the battery, they nodded knowingly and said "it must the be the alternator". that didn't sound like something that i could do myself and so i resigned myself to bringing in an expert. luckily, the car was sitting idly right in front of a repair shop.

final resolution: i subsequently found out that the old battery in car was actually less than 2 years old and was likely never the problem. the mechanics needed a full day to get the new alternator in and running correctly, but things have been back to normal since - which is to say that the car still runs, yet always seems to be one pothole away from throwing a tire or having the transmission drop out the bottom. still, the battery that i installed is in there making things happen, so there is some success to celebrate.

total cost: $55 for the battery, $1 for gloves and $175 for the alternator (incl. labor). all costs reimbursed except for gloves.

upcoming episodes: ginger ale, pickles, shelves (not confirmed at air time)

Posted by Jamie at 10:34 PM | Permalink | Comments (7)

despite all that 7-11 can be seen to stand for, i love Slurpee. they're one of the few things that make the fetid air of summertime bearable. but living in New York means a stark lack of access to these icey (not ICEE) delicacies. previously, i was aware of only two 7-11s in Brooklyn, both in Bay Ridge. both are near subway stops, but that seems too far to go for something that costs less than $2 and making it a car trip also seems a bit ridiculous (not that i haven't done it a couple times recently). then i saw the sign on 23rd St. in Manhattan a couple weeks ago and was ecstatic that i could pick a Slurpee within a 10 minute walk of work, and possibly on my way to the Shake Shack for lunch. this is the first Manhattan location, but some playing around on the store locator showed me that there are nearly 40 7-11s in New York City. Queens leads the way with 20, while Brooklyn has 9, Staten Island 5 and the Bronx 4. many of these are in the far flung neighborhoods past where the subways run, thus explaining the general ignorance toward the greatness of Slurpee in the five boroughs. the first report i've heard on the new location is that the Slurpee machine was not working, so they may need a few weeks to work out the kinks. i only hope that the Manhattan rents don't lead to some sort of $5 for 32 oz. price gouging.

personally i gravitate to the fruity versions and away from the cola and "light" flavors, and i'm an inveterate mixer such that the blues, purples, yellows and oranges have coalesced into a brown soup by the time i get to the bottom. i was particularly fond of the recent Fanta Tangerine-Orange flavor, but i'm not sure why they've decided to call the grape flavor "Gully Washer" for a limited time. still, it's delicious.

at any rate, the version i got today (Mountain Dew and Gully Washer mixed) came in a cup that offered a free download from iTunes as part of a 40th anniversary of Slurpee celebration which is great, but how do you pick just one song to download? i suppose i could use it towards a larger purchase, but my decision-making matrix became victim of a brainfreeze when i went to make my selection. maybe i just need to have 9 more so i can download a full album - that seems like an attainable goal.

on the Slurpee website there's a small trivia quiz where i learned that Winnipeg, Manitoba consumes the greatest amount of Slurpee drinks (i assume per capita). that's totally going to be on Jeopardy! next week. maybe it's a great winter drink too.

Posted by Jamie at 04:02 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

the problem: clogged shower drain caused by hair that is falling out (mine), of significant length (the wife's), or over-abundant (mine, everywhere but head).

manifestation: water becomes ankle-deep before you can even get a lather going. further details redacted in the interest of good taste.

attempted solutions: in the past, Liquid Plumr and the like have been the go-to remedies for such a problem, but even these high-test chemicals sometimes require multiple applications before getting the job done. in the interest of saving a few bucks and reducing the amount of toxic chemicals in our home, i started looking for a more natural, holistic (read: hippiefied) way to achieve the same results. several sites claimed the old science fair standby of vinegar and baking soda would do the trick. i meticulously tried to get the baking soda into the clogged drain before pouring the vinegar over it, though it's easier said than done. even so, this worked fairly well the first couple of times, though the clog never fully cleared. with diminishing returns setting in and water-levels rising near flood stage, it was time to find some sort of alternative. a little more research and a trip to Whole Foods resulted in a purchase of Earth Enzymes, a biodegradable clog eradicator.

final resolution: i came home with the new product, only to find that the wife had already bought and applied some Drano to the problem. after her shower, she pronounced the results to be "super". final test on hold pending further hair emigration.

total cost: about $9 - a couple bucks for vinegar and baking soda and $6.99 + tax for the Enzymes (after $1 coupon printed from website).

bonus feature: Drano (in crystal form) mixed with a pregnant female's urine can be used as a baby gender predictor, though for obvious reasons it is "not recommended".

Posted by Jamie at 10:36 PM | Permalink | Comments (7)