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April 27, 2005

6-4-3 on ch. 442

some thoughts in my first season of having the MLB Extra Innings package since 2002:

worst visual quality: the Royals' RSTN network which appears to have borrowed its cameras from some gauzy 70s porn shoot. during one game last week, the centerfield camera even appeared to be situated directly above said porn shoot as it was constantly shaking, rendering the game even more unwatchable than usual.

channeling-Harry-Caray moment: Vin Scully spending half an inning wondering about the provenance of Dodgers reliever DJ Houlton's initials. Houlton's given name is Dennis Sean, so it is a bit odd and meantime Vin got to tell us about how everyone used to call Ken Landreaux "KT" even though his name was actually Kenneth Antoine. but then i see that Landreaux's middle name is really Francis, so now i'm totally confused. anyway, maybe Houlton was just a big Michael Fishman fan (who knew he was born in Cuba?).

team still getting the shaft: the Nationals, who have been woefully underrepresented on the XI package thus far thanks to the continued evil machinations of Bud Selig and his cabal where the franchise is concerned.

worst announcers: the White Sox, who subject viewers to the all too frequent exhortations of Ken Harrelson, et. al. who say things like "c'mon Buehrle, stay on top of this guy" and "you got him 0 and 2, don't let him off the hook now" as if they were just some guys in their own rec room, working on a second six pack.

lamest blackouts: despite the fact that many Mets games are not currently available to Time Warner Cable customers (if you don't know why, you're probably better off), they are still blacked out on the package. blackouts are lame in the NFL, and they're lame here. the point of paying extra for this package is to see games i couldn't otherwise see, and the Mets should be no exception.

April 26, 2005

pretty enough to lick, or at least self-adhere

via the Smoking Gun, t.s.o.a. has learned that the US Postal Service is poised to allow third part vendors to produce postage that users can customize themselves with any uploadable image and then use on their angry letters to TV Guide, blackmail payments, ransom notes, &c. stamps.com is one of the first places you can do this. what a fantastic idea; i can't believe it's taken them this long to come up with it, though it opens a Pandora's Box of possibilities for the creative, bored and sociopathic. the folks over at TSG naturally already had some fun with this during the trial run, which leads me to believe that there will be some censorship involved. the press release merely says that "USPS will require vendors to produce a product that meets current postal regulations and conclusively prove that all images produced and services provided abide by all federal laws, including copyright laws", so what that means is open to interpretation, but i doubt that i'll be able to get any stamps with this photo on them:

attaqsrg.jpg

April 25, 2005

why i might wake up screaming tomorrow

in the Sartre-adapted movie of my (after)life, i am forced to spend all eternity as a "Secret Agent" in the Girls Intelligence Agency. one look at the about us page should tell you just about everything you need to know. i made the further mistake of delving into some of the message boards. it's really all too horrible to even contemplate - using the lure of free stuff to put tween and teen girls to work as pawns in the marketing and advertising of fads and novelties for the gain of capricious corporations whose goals are to turn kids into unthinking ultra-consumers rather than critical thinkers with opinions beyond which hair care products are the best. i'm not naive enough to think that we can rid the world of advertising and marketing or that they serve no useful functions (though it's sometimes hard to see what those are when you've just spent 30 minutes removing spam comments from your blog), but this shit is just egregious. i'm gonna have to produce an extended Bill Hicks rant to cleanse the palate:

"By the way if anyone here is in advertising or marketing... kill yourself. No, no, no it's just a little thought. I'm just trying to plant seeds. Maybe one day, they'll take root - I don't know. You try, you do what you can. Kill yourself. Seriously though, if you are, do. Aaah, no really, there's no rationalisation for what you do and you are Satan's little helpers, Okay - kill yourself - seriously. You are the ruiner of all things good, seriously. No this is not a joke, you're going, "there's going to be a joke coming," there's no fucking joke coming. You are Satan's spawn filling the world with bile and garbage. You are fucked and you are fucking us. Kill yourself. It's the only way to save your fucking soul, kill yourself. Planting seeds. I know all the marketing people are going, "he's doing a joke..." there's no joke here whatsoever. Suck a tail-pipe, fucking hang yourself, borrow a gun from a Yank friend - I don't care how you do it. Rid the world of your evil fucking machinations. I know what all the marketing people are thinking right now too, "Oh, you know what Bill's doing, he's going for that anti-marketing dollar. That's a good market, he's very smart." Oh man, I am not doing that. You fucking evil scumbags! "Ooh, you know what Bill's doing now, he's going for the righteous indignation dollar. That's a big dollar. A lot of people are feeling that indignation. We've done research - huge market. He's doing a good thing." Godammit, I'm not doing that, you scum-bags!

Quit putting a godamm dollar sign on every fucking thing on this planet!

"Ooh, the anger dollar. Huge. Huge in times of recession. Giant market, Bill's very bright to do that." God, I'm just caught in a fucking web! "Ooh the trapped dollar, big dollar, huge dollar. Good market - look at our research. We see that many people feel trapped. If we play to that and then separate them into the trapped dollar..." How do you live like that? And I bet you sleep like fucking babies at night, don't you?"

April 24, 2005

Like a plotline from "The Dukovs of Druskininkai"

this story dates from December so it's not terribly fresh, but that doesn't make it any less amusing:

Lithuania Discovers Belarussian Liquor Pipeline

Lithuanian border guards have unearthed a three-kilometer pipeline for smuggling in moonshine liquor from neighboring Belarus, Reuters reported on Friday.

The thin plastic pipeline, buried a few centimeter underground, ran under several roads, along a riverbed and ended next to the home of a Lithuanian citizen.

There was no news of any arrests, the agency reported.

It was the fourth such pipeline discovered in the last two years but by far the longest. Moonshine vodka from Belarus is sold on the black market in Lithuania, undercutting prices of legitimate alcohol that have risen sharply since the Baltic nation joined the European Union in May.

in other alcohol-related news, the recently completed merger between Molson and Coors wipes out yet another beverage choice. too bad, because i have always enjoyed a good hockey beer. anyone know any other good, readily available Canadian beers? i keep waiting for McAuslan to break into the US market, but no such luck so far.

April 19, 2005

freed pig captured

so now, on the heels of the Pixies, Slint, et. al., Dinosaur Jr. has reunited with their original lineup for a tour which will hit most major points east of the Mississippi. while this gives me hope that a much-clamored for (by me) Polvo reunion is right around the corner (Steve Popson - please clear out your busy schedule), in the wake of the news that the fight over Kashmir is now cooling and now this, i have to ask: can't anyone hold a grudge anymore? anyone who thought Lou Barlow was a weenie before isn't going to have their mind changed by this explanation:

"I've mellowed considerably," Barlow said. "I carried a lot of anger around after they kicked me out of the band. But I let a whole bunch of that go. It happened such a long time ago, that it just seemed pretty goofy to continue being angry at someone who kicked you out of their band when you were 22 years old.

"The process that's led to this started about, maybe two years ago, when I first saw J in kind of a neutral area and had a good talk with him," Barlow explained. "And then after that, there was a show that we actually played together; our hardcore band (Deep Wound, which predated Dinosaur) had a one-song reunion at the end of a show J was playing."

And with the reissues on the way, Mascis' manager put the pressure on for a reunion.

he caved to pressure from Mascis' manager? correction: weenie and sell-out. i'm not advocating a return to pistols at dawn, but there is something poetic and compelling about a long-running feud, especially one that doesn't involve the slaughter of thousands of innocents. call me a killjoy, but i'm hoping just a little that something happens to send Lou back into a seething passive-agressive spiral that results in Murph accdentally getting punched while trying to separate the two backstage before an encore or something.

April 16, 2005

feeding frenzy

since we're in the middle of Brooklyn Restaurant Week (priced at $19.55 in homage to the World Champion Dodgers of the same year), now seems like an appropriate time for some food-related items.

in a sign that gentrification is coming to our not-quite-Park-Slope, not-quite-Sunset-Park purgatory, we got our first non-Latino, non-pizza, non-crap-Chinese restaurant in the form of Bar BQ, located on 6th Avenue at 20th Street - too new even for any Google results. as the name implies, they serve up a more-or-less traditional selection of meats (only 4 for now, with the menu promising more choices soon) as well as 4 standard sides: mac 'n' cheese, potato salad, coleslaw and baked beans. the meat all came without sauce, but the table was already equipped with several brands of hot sauce and two homemade sauces: a thin, vinegar-based spicy sauce and the chef's special house sauce, which was thicker, more tomato-ey, and sweeter. the wife got the brisket, while i opted for the pulled pork. each came with two sides for about $10-$12 and while she seemed to like hers a bit more than i liked mine, both were of a decent quality. certainly not the best BBQ i've ever had, but they got some of the little touches right, like the plastic lunch trays and the white bread. the homemade sauces were good, the sides didn't embarrass themselves and the prices were reasonable. the only major glitch was our waitress who, while very nice, was a bit inattentive and, well, let's just say that our bill came with a $10 error in our favor, which we had to wait 15 minutes to point out to her. her reaction indicated that the error was not terribly surprising or upsetting to her, which led the wife to say more than once "at least she's pretty". even the bartender didn't ask to pour us another beer when he came to borrow some condiments, though he had to reach over the empty glass to grab what he needed. still, we were happy to say that we had someplace within a 5-minute walk of the apartment that we wouldn't mind returning to. besides the Dunkin' Donuts/Baskin Robbins.

then, taking of advantage of the restaurant week pricing (which i promptly ruined by ordering multiple tangerine margaritas), we also made our first foray to Alma, the much ballyhooed Redhook Mexican joint. we were lucky enough to get a seat on the enclosed, heated patio that still afforded a great view of downtown Manhattan, and they even thought to include mirrors for those who have to sit with their back to the cityscape. while munching on the complimentary chips with two salsas, we perused the the 3-course prix fixe menu which was nice and varied. i started with the chicken flautas which came with a delicious avocado-based accompanyment that was way more subtle than most guacamoles, and much better for its simplicity. the wife got the ceviche - also done well though it contained only shrimp with none of the red snapper or scallops the menu had promised. for the main courses we selected the tuna steak (medium-rare) and the chicken enchiladas respectively. the tuna was well cooked and came flanked by a spicy, gingery sauce that almost had me asking for a spoon. her enchiladas were enough for two meals and contained a cheese that i can only describe as the most sublime cheddar cheese ever (though it was most certainly something else). dessert was no let down either. count me among those who really enjoy Steve's key lime pie. the ancho chocolate cake was less a cake than a torte and could have used a bit more spiciness for our taste, but was still enjoyable. since the regular menu looked good and of a reasonable price structure, we'll probably try to head back when we can enjoy the patio in all of its fresh-aired glory.

the coming week promises a few more gustatory ups and downs: on the plus side, we'll head to Thomas Beisl where i may be persuaded to try the braised beef cheeks. in the negative column, the wife will be attending Monday's party to celebrate the soon-to-open Bar Americain - better known as Bobby Flay's newest entry into in the New York dining scene - without me. apparently her VP of sales takes precedence over her husband when it comes to lavish work-related functions with impossible-to-crack guest lists.

April 11, 2005

induced nausea

four things that have sent me reeling recently:

* the bizarre revelation that a new co-worker recently had a date with the sometime-lesbian ex-girlfriend of my mostly-lesbian ex-girlfriend.

* the punishing toll of too many Hurricanes consumed in too short a period of time during this past weekend's Crawfish boil. the crawfish, and all the accoutrements (sausage, corn, potatoes), were quite good however, and sucking the head isn't as sktchy as it sounds.

* being referred to as an adult - by my friends no less.

* some brain-dead waste of fresh air calling Kaz Matsui a "gook" (and just about every Astro player as a "faggot") while youthlarge was sitting directly in front of him. a quick apology was enough to avoid a noisy confrontation, but not enough to erase the mental nausea that can be all too common at sporting events in New York, or anywhere for that matter. it was bad enough that the Mets seemed completely unprepared for 55,000 people to show up today; that it took 30 minutes just to get though the gate; that there was a 20-minute delay in the 6th inning because the advertisement in centerfield coldn't be made into the necessary black backdrop again; that the large gentleman next to me encroached onto my seat so much that i was forced to lean uncomfortable for 3+ hours; that there was no coffee by the 7th inning when the air temperature started to drop. hearing all that garbage was worse than the rest of it combined. there's a lot of dickheads in the world.

April 04, 2005

Dunn in

Pedro Martinez just gave up a 3-run home run to Adam Dunn in his first inning of work as a Met. even knowing that Pedro has started slow sometimes in years past, i think that this is a really bad sign for him. i am predicting that this is the year that his decline begins in earnest (i.e. ERA above 4, <30 GS), and the contract that the Mets gave him is going to look terrible by this time next year. i think the Mets finish last in the NL East as the progress of Beltran, Reyes and Wright fail to match the declines of Pedro, Floyd, Piazza, Glavine, etc.

before some more predictions, a quick note about steroids: the fact that the first guy caught under the new testing is Alex Sanchez (4 lifetime HRs, a career SLG% of .364, last year's AL leader in bunts for base hits*) has to be one of the funniest things of all time and just goes to show how little hard evidence there is about what steroids can contribute to a player's game. if anything, maybe this will make people take a bit harder look at what non-sluggers might be using them and why and own up to the fact any linkage between steroids and increased HR rates is logically flawed at best.

at any rate, i spent a little time with Baseball Prospectus' Predictatron and was a bit surprised at some of the standings i came up with. here's some highlights:

~ the Bowa-less Phillies win it all
~ the A's get buried by the Angels in the AL West and miss the playoffs again
~ the Twins parlay Johan's left arm all the way to the World Series
~ NL Central: St. Louis first, Houston last, Milwaukee second
~ Nationals above .500
~ Giants under .500
~ Red Sox win division, Yanks get Wild Card
~ worst team in the AL: White Sox

the 2005 t.s.o.a. award winners:

AL Cy Young - Johan Santana
AL MVP - Vladimir Guerrero
AL ROY - Jeremy Reed (OF, SEA)

NL Cy Young - Jacob Peavy
NL MVP - Bobby Abreu
NL ROY - J.J. Hardy (SS, MIL)

* by rights, there should be clamoring for this entry in the record books to have an asterisk next to it. not that anyone actually gives enough of a shit.

April 01, 2005

World Cup Qualifying Report

now that's more like it. i missed the live broadcast so i had to watch the replay on Telemundo, but the USA totally demolished Guatemala in a game that could have been 8-0 instead of 2-0. i still would have liked to see the offense a bit crisper, especially with the passing, but the Guatemalans looked like a high school side out there against a relentess US attack. Brian Ching should have had about 5 goals (not including his errant bicycle kick - 1 of 2 attempted by the US. sweet!), but it was still nice to see some different players getting a chance. even better when they score like Steve Ralston did in the 2nd half at the culmination of one of the nicer build-ups of the night.
Eddie Johnson once again proved that if there's a player to be excited about on this team, he is the one with a goal and an asisst.

elsewhere, the Mexicans and Costa Ricans both faltered on the road, tying Panama and Trinidad respectively with Mexico even blowing a 2nd half lead, so the qualifying table looks quite a bit better than it did at the beginning of the week with the US comfortably ensconced in 2nd place after three games.

no games until June, so we'll check back in then. here's the remaining qualifying schedule:

June 4 v. Costa Rica
June 8 @ Panama
August 17 v. Trinidad & Tobago
September 3 v. Mexico
September 7 @ Guatemala
October 8 @ Costa Rica
October 12 v. Panama