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July 30, 2004

game plan

"I will be a commander in chief who will never mislead us into war. I will have a vice president who will not conduct secret meetings with polluters to rewrite our environmental laws. I will have a secretary of defense who will listen to the advice of the military leaders. And I will appoint an attorney general who upholds the Constitution of the United States."

John, you actually managed to move me, which i wasn't sure you were capable of. now to quote Oakland Raiders head honcho and certifiable lunatic Al Davis: "Just win, baby!"

July 28, 2004

class action cash

the money from the last settlement is long spent by now, so it was about time for another litigious wnidfall. this time it's PayPal bearing the brunt of the class-action crunch. i tried to wade through the legal mumbo jumbo, but all that got through was "unlawful...obstruction...account...did nothing wrong...submit form". but who cares as long as the check shows up right? i doubt it will be as large as the previous one, but if it covers the postage on the form you have to mail it will be worth it (and thanks to work covering my postage costs, i make money no matter what). to get in on the settlement score, you need to have had a PayPal account since at least February 2004. if so, go to this page and then click where it says "file a statutory damage claim". the site has been running a little slowly all afternoon so all the pages may not load, but be patient and soon you'll have a very small check headed your way.

i don't know, babs, but i do know this

waking up on Saturday with wedding fun both behind and ahead of me, i was disturbed to find that my uvula had swollen overnight to epic proportions (by uvula standards). it was touching my tongue, making it feel like i needed to cough something up, while any heavy breathing caused it to flutter in the breeze. not a pleasant sensation either. the wife (squared) was grossed enough to request repeated viewings throughout the day. i thought this might be fairly rare, but the official brother of t.s.o.a. claimed to have survived a few winter episodes of said phenomenon. a quick search then led to the realization that numerous other folks had already blogged this problem out of obscurity. whatever, it's fine now.

July 27, 2004

long sleeved

not to be banal, but can anyone believe the weather we've been having? as we've plowed our way through one seasonally cool, overcast day after another, t.s.o.a. has been going around crowing about how we haven't had a 90 degree day this summer. turns out that this is technically correct, but not the way it was meant. the only day above 90 so far this year was June 9th (hi of 91), which comes before the start of the official summer season, though most people would consider summer to have begun once Memorial Day passes. since the beginning of June, we've had more days in the 60s (4) here in NYC than we have in the 90s and as many days below 80 as above it. perhaps you remember the complaints from this past winter about how cold it was. but if this cool summer is at all related to the frigid winter, we might have to rethink all the kvetching.

now, there's still the whole month of August to get through, and it wont be easy to keep this up, but the current 10 day forecast calls for nothing but 80s so we all just might emerge unscathed from this summer yet.

*UPDATE 8/2, 12:40pm* - once again i've scooped the NYTimes. from today's weather page (not available online): "The lack of midsummer heat is especially notable in New York City.....For the first seven months of the year, Central Park had only one day with a temperature of at least 90 degrees. Only 1902 and 1960 had an equivalent lack of hot days." right on! now if we could just recreate the 1960 presidential election.

July 26, 2004

digging out

i have been taking mucho shit since last week's episode of Six Feet Under, which everyone in the world seemed to hate except for me, the wife and O'Connors suds-man Bart. oh, and Heather Havrilesky from salon.com. fortunately, she's back this week to answer some questions about the show and stick up for the episode in question (the "David Gets Tortured" episode). a few select passages (you'll have to watch the ad to get the whole story):

I really have to say that, if anything, David's suddenly having to pay for his carelessness -- and it was his carelessness, and not his gayness, that got him into that mess -- is a truly unforeseeable twist. Most of the time on "Six Feet Under," there's seemingly very little rhyme or reason for the shit that hits the fan, from Nate's brain ailment to Lisa's drowning. If God strikes the Fisher family with misfortune a little more often than seems reasonable, maybe that's because the Fishers are so entertaining when they're suffering....

Plus, I thought it was cute how David tricked himself into thinking he wasn't cruising. As I see it, "Six Feet Under" is mostly concerned with punishing those who fool themselves and rationalize their behavior in ways that don't honor their ideals. What's wrong with a morality play that punishes those whose lack of self-awareness leads them far from their beliefs and their calling? Sounds like real life to me. Nate, for one, continues to suffer because he's starting to build his whole personality around suffering.....

"Six Feet Under" does such a great job of overturning stereotypes (while working within the bounds of reality, mind you -- this isn't the typical "Free to Be You and Me" P.C. fantasy) that it's not exactly fair to attack the writers the second they stumble on a story that doesn't topple the common wisdom on a subject. Look, self-loathing, drug-abusing gay men who are gay bashers certainly exist, and I really felt that the story fit into David's unpredictable emotional trajectory well. Here he is, in a good relationship, he's finally safe, and he not only insists on feeling insecure anyway (sounds familiar, doesn't it?) but invites disaster into his life out of that insecurity. People who feel tremendously needy do stupid, stupid things in an effort to get rid of that feeling, and often end up knocking down the walls of their happy little Hobbit holes in the process.

now get off my back everybody. and if you saw last night's episode, keep it quiet 'cause i missed it and hope to catch it tonight.

ixnay on the ugsdray

secrets of the Mets training table revealed?

"As the Mets gobbled up pep and pancakes during a players-only meeting in the clubhouse kitchen yesterday morning...."

and here i thought baseball was worried about the image of steroid-shooting, "greenie"-popping players. speaking of which, noted juicehead Jason Giambi is still not in playing shape due to the "intestinal parasites" the he and Kevin Brown picked up, ummm, somewhere. then the crack t.s.o.a. research team decided to look into the symptoms of steroid withdrawal, which are:

Weakness, fatigue, decreased appetite, weight loss, nausea, vomiting, diarrhea (which can lead to fluid and electrolyte abnormalities), and abdominal pain are common. Blood pressure can become too low, leading to dizziness or fainting. Blood sugar levels may drop. Patient may no longer be able to hit above .250.

OK, we added that last bit, but the rest of it sounds pretty in line with what poor Jason has been suffering through, especially since all the tests for cancer and whatnot have come back negative. maybe he and Ryan "4 HR" Klesko can have a beer this winter and talk about how great it was to land big contracts before baseball's financial and anabolic bubbles burst.

*last second update* - Giambi is now being tested for a (new) potentially life-threatening condition caused by internal parasites, and could be out for the year. the disease is called "amebiasis". here's what the CDC has to say:

Although anyone can have this disease, it is most common in people who live in developing countries that have poor sanitary conditions. In the United States, amebiasis is most often found in immigrants from developing countries. It also is found in people who have traveled to developing countries and in people who live in institutions that have poor sanitary conditions. Men who have sex with men can become infected and can get sick from the infection, but they often do not have symptoms.

1 41959 2 16877

part linguistic study, part statistical enterprise, WordCount is an interesting project that ranks 86800 words in the english language, from the most used to the least. not surprisingly, "the" takes the top spot, while "conquistador" comes in at 86800. there are lots of proper names and places in there as well, so you can find, for instance that "jamie" sits at 7133, while "crispin" lags behind at 28840 (still higher than i would have expected!). wife is 566, while husband is 899 and sits in a string that reads "numbers claim specific rose played husband basic relations potential dr". i don't know what that means, but for someone with my statistical inclinations, this thing is a gold mine of time-killing fun.

link via the morning news

July 21, 2004

can't wait for the celebrity version

i don't know if Marc got around to DVRing this, but i caught Bravo's new show "Things I Hate About You" last night and found it rather enjoyable. the premise is that a couple gets to air their dirty laundry about how their partner can be a trial to live with by having cameras placed in their house and car for about 2 weeks while a camera crew also follwos them around. then they pit these foibles head-to-head against each other and a jury of 3 people votes on how annoying each one is on a 1-to-10 scale. lowest score wins a prize and the right to lord it over their significant other until they're withered and gray. fun!

lest you think the show is too mean spirited, they don't seem to be taking people whose overall relationship is shaky at all, and the peeves are more along the lines of "he always forgets things" rather than "he's always cheating on me". and did i mention that Mo Rocca hosts? his career is all over the place, from writer and producer on "Wishbone"on PBS to editor of Perfect 10 (you can find that link yourselves if so inclined) to the Daily Show and now this, but he has the perfect temperament for this assignment.

and let me just say that i enjoyed a few knowing laughs during the part where the guy in last night's episode complained about how his girlfriend/wife treated the dog better than she did him. the best part being where she suggests that he (who is allergic but was out of medication) sleep on the couch only to getsoffended when he claims that it should be the dog who sleeps on the couch.

i'm not saying you need to go out of your way to catch this, but it was certainly an acceptable way to fill an hour on a Tuesday night.

perhaps this is why Coach K decided to stay

t.s.o.a. correspondent Alena checks in with this bit of news: Duke to Provide Freshman with iPods (registration required).

IPods can store other kinds of data as well, and Duke students will receive models stocked with school-related information, including freshman orientation details, the academic calendar, campus tours and even the school's fight song.

The university also will create a Web site modeled on the Apple iTunes online music site from which students can download songs and course content from faculty, including language lessons, lectures and audio books.

Lisa Merschel's Spanish class will use the iPods to listen to textbook exercises and Spanish songs. Sally Schauman plans to have students record field interviews on the ethics and science of urban water conservation.

that's a pretty genius move on the part of administrators, but i'm afraid it's going to do very little to heal Duke students' reputations as a bunch of smarmy, priggish future country club members. but does anyone know about the iPod's ability to act as a digital tape recorder? someone in the office was just asking me to look into such a thing earleir today and if i can convince them to buy an iPod for the company, that would be pretty great.

July 19, 2004

a trend in the making

lest i be remiss, let me say thanks to the gracious fokls at The Black Table for opening up the Camp Bowery roof and firing up the grill this past weekend. it was quite the rip-roaring time (the free-flowing tequila may have had a hand in that). i managed to: hear a story about serving Paris Hilton cocktails in the Hamptons; plan a trip to Burning Man for Marc; unknowingly insult the editor of the NYPress (and find out that the NYSports Express is no more as of last week); follow the adventures of a couple of shirtless guys in their apartment across the street; apologize to Johan More for being such a hater a few years back.

all Friday nights should hope to be so productive. this coming week will try to compete as Listmaker and youthlarge spend their last night of official independence enjoying more barbecue and beer deliciousness. let's just hope that leftover (untapped) keg from our wedding is still drinkable. of course that's a highly realtive term to some people.

bob and dick

i hate to come back from a weekend a simply re-post material from elsewhere in digitaland, but Defamer is on a roll today with these back to back posts.

on the chilling prospect of someone shtupping Andy Dick as a career move:

Defamer tip to aspiring actors: Ration your dignity and career-igniting salad-tossings for the town's casting directors and producers--you only get a dozen of them before you permanently turn into a cater-waiter turning tricks in premiere party bathrooms.

and on Disney preferring Bob over Harvey:

It's Shaq and Kobe all over again! Except, you know, fatter and Jewish. For those of you who don't understand the sports reference, here's another way to think about it: Disney's a pimp that only has the resources to continue "turning out" one of two whores in the stable--and they're choosing the homely one that's willing to hit the streets every night and do anything (Scream, Scary Movie, Spy Kids) over the high-priced escort that only gets out of bed twice a year to blow a couple of Oscar-winners.

that should be enough to convince you that this site is a daily must read whether you're an Extra-watching celebraholic, or a snorting, cynical culture jammer.

July 16, 2004

you can say that again (parts I and II)

from the NYTimes' Richard Sandomir in an article about the expanded argumentativeness of sports talk on TV (reg. required):

You work all day, you call up Mike and the Mad Dog in the afternoon, you come home and you've got a mortgage to pay and kids to feed.

exactly. except for the calling Mike and the Mad Dog, mortgage and kids parts.

from Salon.com's Farhad Manjoo in an article on the overload of legitimate e-mail in our lives (ad watching required):

Why, most fundamentally, must we constantly work on our e-mail, vigilantly imposing our own schemes of order upon the incoming chaos, constantly guarding against getting behind, against the shame of e-mail bankruptcy?

this piece really hit home for me as someone who doesn't like to throw out old e-mails but who struggles to keep up with all the new ones on a daily basis. while Yahoo's decision to give its users 100MB for free is great in that it eliminates the worry of a large e-mail dropping in your inbox and resulting in undelivered messages, it also means more chance to hold onto things that i will later feel guilty about not having responded to (accoring to the article, that makes me an "archiver"). and as nice as getting away for a few days can be, it always leads to the increased stress of returning home or to work to find hundreds upon hundreds of messages piled up waiting for attention and action.

July 15, 2004

next project: procure free computer

i was quite late joining the cell phone game, but i couldn't pass up a free phone from work - the first phone i've had since the gigantic Nextel phone i got from a previous job in 1998. but apparently, lack of experience did not disqualify me from playing "lose your phone in a cab late on a Friday night". given that the phone was about 3 years old, it wasn't a huge loss (i mean really people, how many of you needed to point out the low-tech nature of my phone, or say something like "wow, that's just like the first phone i ever got"?). but i was surprised at how quickly i felt a bit lost without it, not least of all because of all the numbers stored in it. so how nice it was, then, to arrive at work today and have a new (hopefully free) phone waiting for me. it's pretty much the same phone in a lot of ways, but it vibrates, the screen lights up in blue and the games are slightly updated so i suppose we'll call it an improvement. now for the arduous part: putting all the numbers back in, picking a ring tone (maybe the JMU Fight Song?) and establishing a new high score on the "Snake" game.

July 14, 2004

influence peddling

after reading about it in TimeOutNY last week, NYWiki could be my new obsession. essentially the site is modeled after such entities as the Wikipedia - the free online encyclopedia that let's users create and edit entries. the concept here is similar: users build the site from the ground up, adding information as they go about everything from neighborhoods to newspapers and restaurants to cemeteries. the site has only been public for a little over a week, and it's still pretty spartan so i encourage everyone to go and add something about something. it could be cool to look back in a few months and see something useful that you've helped to build and i know there's a fount of knowledge out there pining away for some sort of relevance.

more info on the Wiki concept here. apparently the name is adapted from the Hawaiian word for "quick".

greek holiday

with only 30 days until Athens 2004, t.s.o.a. is coming down with a mild case of Olympic fever, though it could simply be the effects of 2 days of baseball withdrawal. though there's no US representation in the football or baseball tournaments, there's still plenty to see and - unlike many previous Olympiads - plenty of chances to see it as some sort of programming or another will be on around the clock, with much of it being broadcast live despite the 7-hour time difference between Athens and the East Coast.

i'm not huge into track and field - well the track part anyway - but i have discovered a rooting interest in triple jumper Tiombe Hurd. not only is she legally blind due to a retinal condition which leaves her with little depth perception, but she attended t.s.o.a. alma mater James Madison University. and on Monday she broke the American record at 47'5". a medal sport for women only since 1996, this event has been dominated by Eastern Europeans, so let's go Tiombe!

one bothersome thing is the flak that Greece is taking for the blackout in Athens the other day. now granted, the planning and execution of the Games has been spotty at best as officials scramble to get stadiums finished, build infrastructure and keep terrorist threats at bay. but i think this power outage is being a bit overblown, especially considering the massive blackout suffered less than a year ago round these parts, which was more widespread and lasted much longer. seeing Selena Roberts (the most loathsome of the hacks that the Times deems worthy of sports columns) rip into Athens officials, even intoning the BALCO scandal (and "other drug stories in other countries" - very vague, nice work) as if that were anyone's fault except the athletes involved, set me to rooting even harder for the Games to go off without a hitch.

i should expect that Olympics fan Bile & Venom will have some things to say as we get closer to the starting gun.

weekly warble (press clipping edition)

the NYTimes belts out a story about the re-emergence of karaoke and its kudzu-like spread to many corners of the city as an exercise in togetherness:

Clearly, given the demographics, this is not the karaoke of crazy drunken uncles who worship Neil Diamond, nor is it the more studied karaoke first pioneered by Japanese businessmen. Instead, it is more akin to the swing-dancing craze of the 90's - a form of urban group expression that satisfies a longing for community.

In other words, karaoke is hot because it is a cheap team activity.......Karaoke etiquette holds that skill matters less than passion. "My favorite performers are the ones who suck but really put their heart into it; it's better that way," said Samantha Ronson, a singer who recently cut a debut album after being the karaoke hostess at Moomba in the West Village in the late 90's. It has since closed.

the comparison to the swing-dancing craze is unfortunate (did anyone actually do that? did the Cherry Poppin's Daddies really score a platinum record?) as that was foisted on a public still reeling from the horror of "Achy Breaky Heart" and its ilk. but the part about the people who can't sing but put their hearts into is right on. and i'm not talking about in pitful, William Hung sort of way, but in a more organic, cathartic sense. i tend to have a hard time totally letting it rip, but i have been told that my Fred Schneider during "Love Shack" is pretty uncanny. and the wife and i still have a score to settle with whoever signed us up for "Superfreak" the night before our wedding. watching the video of it the other night was a tad horrifying.

balgavy.com flashback: Mr. Met comes to Karaoke!

July 13, 2004

but will they share a bed?

OK, so FOX has decided to go with a new show called "Trading Spouses" in which two families....well, do i really need to spell it out for you? this is an apparent attempt to beat ABC's "Wife Swap" - yet another pilfering of a British show - to the air (t.s.o.a. is disappointed that this is a reality show and not a made-for-TV-movie about Fritz Peterson and Mike Kekich). ordinarily, this wouldn't merit any further discussion, but in this case there's a twist: the whole concept of the show, including the name, is stolen from Chappelle's Show on Comedy Central. though i can't find any mention of the show on FOX's website yet, there have been a few ads that have aired and the rip-off appears to reach even into the fact that one of the families is white while the other is black, and that the white mother appears mildly consternated by the hip-hop she encounters in her new surroundings. if there's a kid named T-Mart, then we'll know that not one ounce of actual effort was put into this.

is there no recourse for Dave Chappelle in this situation? even though his show is a parody, doesn't it still have intellectual property rights? unless he stole the idea from the British show, which is possible, he should be suing the pants off of Rupert Murdoch & co. looks like we've got some questions for the next time we see balgavy.com's resident legal eagle and copyright law specialist Anne.

other chill inducing TV news: Alf to host talk show. *correction* this actually aired on July 7th, with an encore presentation on the 10th. no word yet on whether this was simply a one-off thing, or whether the folks over at TVLand are actively sabotaging their own network.

*UPDATE* (7/16) - i managed to ask Anne about this last night at O'Connors and she was extremely patient and helpful trying to color in all of the gray areas of the law in cases like this. i did my best to follow what she was saying and at one point thought i had come up with a similar scenario involving "Weird" Al Yankovic, but it didn't quite work. regardless, i still believe Mr. Chapelle would have a case even if the most concrete answer Anne could give me was "maybe".

scenes from the subway

scene: early afternoon on the Uptown F/V platform at 23rd Street
proximate bystanders: ~25
subject: oldish man with a cane wearing t-shirt and gympants combo
what happened: from a distance of about 75 feet, i watch as the man sets his cane against the tiled wall. a plastic bag (likely containing a paper bag) is between him and the wall. assuming a half-bending, half-leaning posture, the man drops his pants to his knees and procceds to shit into the bag (i'm assuming that his aim was true). then, to top it off, he wipes his ass with a roll of toilet paper that had apparently been squired in the waistband of his pants. now clean - another assumption - he pulls his pants up, reclaims his cane and replaces the TP in the waistband. he conducts a brief overhead inspection of the bag and then uses the cane to push it towards a nearby trashcan, where it stays as my train mercifully pulls into the station. i depart, questioning whether i still feel like eating the hummus sandwich i just bought for lunch.

July 12, 2004

cramming

which country has the world's lowest literacy rate? Burkina Faso (formerly Upper Volta), at 18%
who was Catherine Parr? the sixth wife of Henry VIII
what is the the 4th most populous country? Indonesia
what is the semimetallic element with atomic number 5 on the periodic table? Boron
for what anniversary is sugar the traditional gift? the 6th
what state celebrates Leif Ericsson day each October 10th? Minnesota
how many furlongs are in 1 mile (nearest whole number)? 8
who is the last college football team to win back-to-back national championships? Nebraska (1994 and 1995)
What incumbent President finished 3rd in the election, garnering only 8 electoral votes? William H. Taft (1912)

meanwhile, Ken Jennings of Salt Lake City goes for his 29th straight win on Jeopardy today, most of which have been blowouts. he's won $920,960.

forces restrained and deployed

perhaps the reason behind the lack of substantive material on t.s.o.a. recently is that i've been subconsciously trying to retain as much brainpower as possible in anticipation of tonight's Buttermilk trivia extravaganza, where we will be attempting to break a two-month streak of 2nd place finishes. but we will be doing so without the substantial knowledge and penmanship contributions of the wife squared (who will be at the Gillian Welch show at Southpaw), so it remains to be seen how we hold up without her.

in other wife related news, we took the plunge yesterday and finally melded our CD collections into one awe-inspiring musical force, making significant improvements to the apartment atmosphere in the process. we were both surprised by how much better we felt afterwards, even if it meant that the trade off of filling in some significant gaps was having to also accept mutiple Brenda Khan records. and who the hell owns 5 Babe the Blue Ox albums? because, you know, there's no questionable items in my collection.

July 09, 2004

uninspired

the thought of 4 more years of Bush has robbed me of any creative juice and has triggered an investigation into emigration to Canada. moral of the story: it's harder than you think. so for now i'll just consider ordering season 2 of the Kids in the Hall on DVD (w/ free t-shirt!). the Onion AV Club also has new interviews with the various Kids here and here.

July 08, 2004

are we sure that this one is made up?

now that the whole VP thing is settled, do we really have four more months until this election? that simply seems wrong. and what happens if Bush somehow wins? is anyone properly prepared for that possibility? meanwhile, this week's Onion pretty much sums up my current state of mind:

"With so many right-wing shams to choose from, it's simply too daunting for the average, left-leaning citizen to maintain a sense of anger," said Rachel Neas, the study's director. "By our estimation, roughly 70 percent of liberals are experiencing some degree of lethargy resulting from a glut of civil-liberties abuses, education funding cuts, and exorbitant military expenditures."

it's lonely at the bottom

sorry folks, my brain is on baseball overload recently:

at the halfway point of the baseball season, there are only 6 teams more than 10 games out in the Wild Card standings, which is fairly amazing considering all the sky-is-falling, "we can't compete!" nonsense that's been blowing around in recent years. let's look at these teams and why they are where they are:

Montreal (28-55) - no more breath need be wasted outlining the plight of this team (if you want more info read this, the 2nd of a 3-part series in the Washington Post that describes why Bud Selig's rule over the game is a tainted sham. links to the other two parts of this must read can be found on the right hand side of the article). but they weren't helped by injuries to Carl Everett and Nick Johnson, two of their top hitters, protracted slumps from other hitters (Vidro, Wilkerson) and a depleted farm system that is bone dry at the highest levels. their slow start doomed them to cellar-dwelling in an otherwise wide-open division.

Kansas City (29-53) - after last year's fast start and year-long contention, many figured that this team was poised to make some noise this year in a division that lacks any dominating teams. yet they've fallen behind the rebuilding Tigers and Indians thanks to a stark lack of pitching, sub-par years from several players and, of course, injuries. quick, name one of the Royals starting pitchers. fine, you can have partial credit for Kevin Appier, who has made 2 starts this year. you know things are bad when your top prospect (Zack Greinke, who is looking Saberhagen-esque so far), is your best starter but can still only manage a 1-6 record. but a team disappointed in their Juan Gonzalez signing? who knew?

Arizona (30-55) - just 2.5 years removed from their World Championship - one of the sweetest moments of t.s.o.a.'s life, and not because we're D-Backs fans - the Snakes have crumbled, losing an ace, their top slugger, their manager, and a whole lotta ball games. trading Curt Schilling got them some pitching depth and a decent prospect that they then used to land Richie Sexson, but Sexson is now out for the year with a severely dislocated shoulder, while the other players they traded to the Brewers are playing a major part in that team's resurgence. they were looking hopeless on June 15th and they are 4-18 since then. we'll see whether they trade Randy Johnson, but this is a team that needs to get younger. the good news is they have the minor-league system to do so.

Seattle (32-50) - this team just plain stinks, and the excitement that is Ichiro! has even worn off to the point where i don't even care to watch them. old players have declined predictably, mediocre free agent signings have been mediocre, and pitching suspects have been suspect. they have been a bit unlucky and they got a nice package for Freddy Garcia, but i'm not sure they're in the best hands. they have a lot of interesting pitchers in the minors so they may not be too far from getting back into the thick of things.

Colorado (33-50) - just a confusing team. they prove year after year that anyone can hit there. yet the pitching always stinks, even when adjusted for the ballpark. the main problem seems to be that they simply never get any good pitchers. don't you think a Roger Clemens or a Curt Schilling would manage to do OK out there? until they actually field a major league pitching staff (*cough* Shawn Estes *cough*) they have no right to complain that they can't win playing in Coors. somebody has to win the 81 games played there per year, right?

Baltimore (36-46) - after finishing April at 13-10, people were getting excited that the big offseason signings would make this team relveant for the first time since 1997. that talk is all but dead, even though Miguel Tejada and Javy Lopez have continued to perform well. Rafael Palmeiro has declined, but at least he isn't embarassing himself the way Sidney Ponson has been. and too many other pitchers have been sucktastic as they stand 2nd to last in the majors in ERA and walks (ahead of only Colorado). perhaps this offseason they'll spend some of that free agent dough to land a capable hurler or two.

while all of these teams are flawed, one interesting about all of them except Kansas City and Montreal (and even those two teams won 83 games a piece last year) is that they have strong revenue streams based on relatively new ballparks and a track record of high attendance figures. these aren't poor teams. and yet they lag behind teams like the Brewers, Twins, As, Devil Rays and Padres - teams with smaller payrolls - for want of pitchers who can get somebody out when it counts. only Montreal has close to an average pitching staff, and they have socred the fewest runs in the majors. the Royals, Orioles, Rockies and D'Backs meanwhile rank in the bottom 6 in ERA and WHIP.

July 07, 2004

cliches come to life

a while back, the wife squared challenged me to come up with a fake but plausible story and attempt to get it printed in the NYTimes' Metropolitan Diary section (if you're not familiar with this column - a disgustingly and laughably self-satisfied blend of the Upper East Side and "Life in These United States" from Reader's Digest - read the most recent one here). i haven't taken that challenge yet, but here is an attempt at a real submission, based on actual events with a smarminess quotient that has been elevated significantly:

dear diary:

a famous routine from Seinfeld proposes that it must be hard for a Spanish person to order seltzer and not get salsa due to the similarity with which such a person would pronounce each item. a funny bit, but i figured that my accentless English (or that of my wife) could never lead to such a misunderstanding. so it was with a mixture of shock and awe that i came home on a recent evening to find half of a shiitake burrito in an organic spinach tortilla waiting for me accompanied by two white containers holding that spicy concoction of vegetables called "salsa". wondering whether there might be a difference between them, i inquired of my wife as to their contents to which she - a seltzer connoisseur - affirmed that they both contained salsa. apparently her attempts to procure carbonated water had been misunderstood in exactly the manner predicted by Jerry and George resulting in a glut of pureed tomatoes. then, in a delectable example of happenstance, the self-same episode aired just two days later, eliciting a delighted squeal from my Ohioan wife that announced her arrival as a true New Yorker.

July 06, 2004

all in the family

my cousin Marc (no relation to the balgavy.com headmaster) plays guitar in a band called SED, a rockin' outfit from the northeast. i've missed them when they've played the NYC area this year because one show fell on my birthday and another was a week before the wedding. i'm not sure that they're completely my cup of tea (the mp3 from their site has a bit of Alice in Chains, Tool and Rage Against the Machine in it), but i would like to see them next time they come through town. so keep your ears peeled because this is the only t.s.o.a.-related music you're likely to hear for a while - at least until those Mitten basement tapes get released on CD or i finally get around to replacing that broken string on my guitar.

mpaq_guitar.jpg
my cousin, after pulling a Paul Simonon

July 01, 2004

prospects vs. proven veterans

while everyone in the baseball world has been focusing on the two recent big trades involving Carlos Beltran and Freddy Garcia, i thought it would be a good idea to evaluate a couple trades that were made in past couple years and see how they've panned out compared to what the conventional wisdom said.

before the 2003 season the Braves traded Kevin Millwood to the division rival Phillies for little-known catcher Johnny Estrada. to the world, this looked like a simple salary dump for the Braves as Millwood was coming off a monster season (18-8, 3.24, 178 Ks) and was due for salary arbitation. i don't recall one single person giving Braves GM John Schuerholz any benefit of the doubt despite his track record of 10+ consecutive division titles. so where does the trade stand now? Estrada spent last year torching AAA to the tune of .328/.393/.494 (BA/OBP/SLG) while Braves C Javy Lopez exploded for 43 HR and subsequently was allowed to leave via free agency. this year, at age 27 (the traditional peak year in a player's career) he's continued to spank the ball like a submissive congressman, hitting .339/.391/.502 as the Braves' everyday catcher. Lopez, now with the Orioles, has played well (.316/.365/.474) but letting him leave looks like a smart decision. the fact that the Braves saved about $8M by doing so makes it look even smarter.

as for Millwood, his 2003 numbers looked a lot more like numbers from 1997, 1998, 2000 and 2001 than those from 1999 and 2002. his 4.01 ERA was right about at the league average. his 14-12 record is in line with the fact that the Phillies were just above .500 on the year. now there is value in a guy who can throw 222 IP, even if those innings are league-average. but with each passing year, it looks like his dazzling '99 and '02 will be the aberrations in his career trend line. he's doing nothing to disprove that this year with his 4.93 ERA and BR/9 in excess of 12.5. so this trade certainly deserves a re-evaluation, though it's long-term value will depend on whether Estrada can keep putting up numbers at anywhere near his current clip.

Moving to a more recent trade, the Marlins dealt Derrek Lee, the 1B of their World Series champs to the Cubs in exchange for perennial prospect Hee Seop Choi. the Cubs, having sat through a season in which Dusty Baker refused to give Choi any regular playing time and held him out of the playoffs in favor of Erick Karros and Randall Simon, decided they would go for a proven veteran rather than their young star (whose minor-league track record pretty much indicated his readiness). understandably, the Cubs thought that this trade might give them the push necessary to get into the World Series while perhaps weakening the team that beat them to get there in 2003. but after signing Lee to a 3-year deal in February, it's going to cost them about $25 million to find out. meanwhile Choi plays for about $310,000 this season and is still years away from a big free agency payoff (though he will make more once he's eligible for arbitration). thus many people again saw this move as primarily financially motivated from the Marlins standpoint, if still well short of the type of payroll slashing that went on in 1998 (fucking Huizenga - what a prick).

so how's has the trade looked so far? Choi's .267/.383/.524 (13 HR, 33 RBI) looks pretty damn good, even compared to Lee's .305/.381/.516 (10 HR, 46 RBI). and Lee plays in a better hitter's park to boot. the only thing holding Choi back is the fact that they won't let him face left-handed pitching. but at a significant cost savings, you have to think the Marlins got a better deal by getting the younger player (by 3+ years), just entering his prime. meanwhile the Cubs pay more for the same production and are left with a starting lineup dominated by right-handed hitters. in the standings, the two teams are within a couple games of each other in the wildcard race, with the Marlins tied for their division lead with the pitching-needy Phillies and the Cubs trailing the Cardinals in the Central by 3.5 games. it will be interesting to see how this all plays out by the end of the year.

chapping at chaff

so i suppose on some level i should feel good about the fact that every couple of days some spambot sprays their comment diarrhea on some random posts from 6 months ago. that they've deigned t.s.o.a. worthy of infestation must mean that they think people will see it right? still there's something about it that is disturbing beyond the level that involves me having to delete the comments and ban the IP addresses from posting comments in the future. i don't know how they pick which postings to comment on but i'm guess that there must be some sort of trigger words that it uses. but he strangest thing is the way the comments are written, either complimentary as in "that was interesting" or weirdly philosophical like "man constantly strives for a perfection he doesn't understand with tools inherently flawed." occasionally i catch myself trying to figure out the meaning before realizing that it's all just a trick to lead me to cheap prescription drugs, penis enlargement and pyramid scheme websites. i rarely notice these things on other blogs though. is there some sort of proscriptive blocking mechanism that i'm not aware of?

but do you like what i've done here? now when the bots append nonsensical comments to this post about nonsensical comments in a couple months it will create this seriously meta entry guaranteed to blow some minds. dig.