the shrewdness of apes

Bush - We are saddened greatly by the death of former President Reagan. But this administration had no advance warning of his death. Had we known, we would have certainly done everything in our power to prevent this unfortunate event. There may have been a memo that mentioned his Alzheimer's affliction, but if there was, it was produced before we had any indication that his death may have been imminent. And anyway, that memo was simply informational and contained no actionable items. Rest assured that this administration is devoted to seeking out and destroying this evil-doing disease in order to protect this nation and its ex-presidents. I would also like to take this chance to announce that we will be slapping Ronnie's name all over town in tribute to the fact that he was too senile by 2000 to tell everyone what a shit I was during the 80s. The White House will now be called Reagan Manor and will be located at 1600 Ronald Reagan Avenue. Also say hello to the Reagan Monument, Reagan River and Ronald X Park.

Kerry - It's a great tragedy when a nation loses a former leader. But even at a drooling, vegetative 93 years old, Ronald Reagan was twice the president that George W. Bush is. Under a Kerry administration, the health and safety of all of this great nation's former presidents would be our number 1 priority. But we would not act unilaterally, imposing our will simply because their was a rumor that Gerald Ford has a head cold. We will seek to amass solid evidence and intelligence and work with our allies in the UN and elsewhere to ensure the proper support. And we will hold ourselves to a standard of conduct and health that we can be proud to show to the rest of the world. What good is it to cure cancer if we have alienated our friends in Europe in the process? We won no friends wiping out Rubella in Vietnam in the 70s I can assure you. So in commemoration of this day, I would like to outline my rollback of this administration's self-serving tax cuts for the rich: the Ronald Reagan Memorial Fat Cat Tax Hike. Trickle down on this, Ronnie!