the shrewdness of apes

while it's hard not to be excited for the long weekend, today's a bit sad since this is the first time this decade that i won't be heading to the Outer Banks for Memorial Day weekend to pile into a house with 15-25 other folks for some good-natured mayhem. i just got off the phone with the few who are still going and i'm really jealous - no lazing by the pool; no riding the waves of slightly chilly Atlantic Ocean; no golf cart races; no grilling; no huge group meals; no pajama day; no pool tables; no refrigerators bursting with bottles; no giant containes of cheez balls; no puzzles; no marathon games of India Rails.

i'm gonna miss it, but at least there's a fun wedding taking its place. and i'll be back next year, as long as the whole place hasn't been wiped off the map.

Posted by Jamie at 04:01 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

i was surprised i hadn't heard any mention of the Siren Festival yet this year until the wife mentioned it last night. this may simply be a testament to my out-of-the-loop-ness. but the lineup is actually enough to make me want to stand around in 95-degree weather all day: Death Cab for Cutie, the Thermals, TV on the Radio, the Fiery Furnaces, Mission of Burma, ...Trail of Dead. damn! my fingers are crossed that there won't be a bunch of overlapping sets and that there will be at least enough downtime at some point to ride the Cyclone. oh, the show is on July 17th for the link averse among you.

meanwhile, the summer concert glut is in its usual full swing this year, as the River to River Summer Festival has plenty going on. some highlights courtesy of ProductShopNYC (in a strange entry that contained a freestyle walking lede for some reason): Ted Leo/Pharmacists on 6/25 @ South St. Seaport; Fountains of Wayne on 7/13 @ World Financial Center; Old 97s on 7/14 @ Rockefeller Park in Battery Park City. there's also Beulah on 8/5 @ Castle Clinton. weren't they supposed to break up or something?

Posted by Jamie at 11:18 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

in more Brooklyn-centric news, the Times has an article today on planned renovations at the Atlantic Center , Bruce Ratner's monstrosity on Atlantic Avenue and potential neighbor of his new basketball arena. it's getting some new signage, some awnings and a new paint job to make it more shopper-friendly and so it will more closely resemble the new Atlantic Terminal project that's set to open later this summer (which, while not exactly the homecoming queen, is far easier on the eyes, though it does block the view of the Williamsburg Bank Building from the south).

t.s.o.a. was sort of shocked a few days back when we noticed that the scaffolding around the Terminal project was largely gone, opening up the sidewalk for the first time in years. more exciting is the revelation that, after years of speculation, Target will indeed be the retail anchor of the building. full disclosure: the wife and i are registered at Target for our upcoming wedding ceremony.

Posted by Jamie at 12:28 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

i don't know whether this will end up being delightful satire or bland liberal hectoring (the caricature of Katherine Harris gives me my doubts), but i've signed up to see either way: Republican Survivor courtesy of the Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee. the tagline* could use a little tidying up, but the image of a naked Dick Cheney playing frisbee on the beach was rather amusing. (thanks to Kristie)

in the good news department, here's some of the latest poll numbers in the "battleground" states. Kerry leads in most of them, in some cases by even more than the margin of error. what the hell has happened in New Hampshire?

* "a destination for Democrats who need a quick break from the serious issues facing the country, who want to laugh a bit at the folks on the other side, and who want to do it by playing around with cartoons and games."

Posted by Jamie at 12:10 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

among numerous advertisements that have been bothersome recently (really, could Applebees possibly get more annoying?) is a billboard ad i keep seeing for Jaguar, the luxury carmaker. next to a picture of one of their sleek but still rather ugly cars it says:

Born With: 390 Hp
Lives For: Mach .21

now i realize that the average person is not necessarily the target for this automobile, but there's a few things wrong anyway, even overlooking that the car is technically not "born" nor does it "live". first off, the measurements are given in units that virtually no one can attach any real meaning too. 390 seems like a lot of horses, sure, but how does that compare to the Nissan Sentra that just cut me off? and i know that Mach 1 is the speed of sound, which must be pretty damn fast, though who knows exactly how fast. but the use of a decimal represents another problem. not only does it mean that people are being asked to adjust the value of something they're unsure of, but they're being asked to do it by a factor of less than 1, which serves to diminish the impressiveness of the feature. if i were to call myself .02 of a millionaire, that would just sound rightfully ridiculous.

so what does Mach .21 mean in everyday terms? a quick Google excursion tells me that it equals 71.4609 meters/second. all well and good, but yet another conversion will be needed - even if we used the metric system - in order to put that into the terms usually associated with car travel . fortunately, the good folks at Iowa State have a conversion table that tells me to multiply by 2.24 in order to get miles/hour. finally we arrive at their intended message: this car wants to go 160 mph (i've rounded the decimal down). that's faster than i've ever gone in a car, and i'm pretty sure the NHTSA would probably frown on enticing people to go so fast, which is probably why they've chosen such a roundabout manner of expressing this idea in the first place. wouldn't a direct approach be more effective, something like "Damn... this car is fast, beeotch!"? why go to so much trouble to play up a feature that most consumers would never be able to take advantage of?

click here for an interesting page about why speed limits should be abolished. oh, the speed of sound is about 761 miles/hour at sea level, and considerably slower at higher altitudes

Posted by Jamie at 06:05 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

a study of two headlines from today's NYTimes.

first, the lead story which should have been run with a sub-head saying "No Shit, Sherlock": Bush Lays Out Goals for Iraq: Self-Rule and Stability.

second, from the Sports section, and a story about Smarty Jones: A Simple Strategy for Smarty: Arrive Early, Win Belmont (nb: the online version has a new, different headline from the print version).

while the similarity is fairly obvious, what is the difference? well those training the horse understand this basic concept: your goals and plan to achieve them should spelled out before you enter into the contest. you know, before the money or people's lives are actually on the line. it took Bush & co. 14 months to come up with this worthless plan and a speech that leaves many questions unanswered? and they're still trying to peddle this whole "[Iraq is] the central front in the war on terror" farce? how arrogant and idiotic can these people be? they make Michael Moore look demure by comparison. it all simply leads to the conclusion that his poll numbers haven't even come close to bottoming out yet.

Posted by Jamie at 12:24 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

kfan pokes some delicious fun at the Olsen Twins today over at The Morning News, while Defamer recaps the delicious poke that Shrek 2 gave to the entire country this weekend.

i ended up not going to see a movie this weekend, but "The Happiness of the Katakuris" was on Sundance last night, which means i saw two great movies last week, having watched "The Straight Story" for the first time on Tuesday.

Posted by Jamie at 04:35 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

last night, the wife and i came home from the local pub to something curious. sitting on the couch, near the crack between the cushions was...well what was it? it was about 5 inches long, an inch thick and tubular, and closer inspection revealed it to be composed of >50% hair. dog hair. our dog wagged expectantly (he had to pee) as we looked at each other and wondered where on earth this...this....monstrosity could have emanated from. amidst the hair was a good amount of gunk - what we could only assume was digested proteins and the like. but it wasn't shit. it was like a hairball, only really, really long. could he have really coughed such a thing up? how long had it been inside him, slowly building up? what did it look like when he did it? is it any wonder he's been so wheezy and pseudo-asthmatic? he must feel like a new man. i should have taken a picture to post, but fortunately the wife decided to preserve it in a Ziploc to take to the vet, so the chance has not been lost. but great googly-moogly it's giving me the chills just thinking about it.

Posted by Jamie at 11:33 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

for those confused by one of the posts from Monday, details and appreciation can be found here. and more pictures can be found here.

Posted by Jamie at 10:42 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

it's been off the air for a couple weeks so now seems like a good time to fill "The OC" void. first, Sports Guy Bill Simmons explains how "The OC" finally offers a suitable replacement for 90210 (he also deconstructs why only women watched "Friends" and why it was not a good show). as usual, his insight is pretty spot on even noting the unspoken disappearance of Marissa's sister halfway through the season.

then, Defamer sneaks an extra "OC"-related tidbit about Adam Brody and Rachel Bilson's off-screen romance into this Rush & Molloy related post about Lindsay Lohan's mammary glands, which have apparently hired their own publicist at this point.

Posted by Jamie at 04:31 PM | Permalink | Comments (11)

today is photo day:

pictures of cicadas (and a heron?) from the DC area. link courtesy of Jim.

the ruins of New England, photographed by Rob Dobi. link via The Morning News.

Marc and Dan have both been busy posting photos recently.

Posted by Jamie at 12:07 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

man are we in some pre-Memorial Day movie doldrums right now. i guess everyone is too busy pushing through the picket lines and fellating Michael Moore at Cannes to release anything worthwhile. not that i'm saddened by the fact that "New York Minute" has made only $10M. perhaps i'll have to go see Super Size Me this weekend.

Posted by Jamie at 05:56 PM | Permalink | Comments (21)

here's something i'm sick of: athletes getting in trouble for making "war" references when talking about an upcoming game. have we reached the point where metaphors are not allowed any more? is this only inappropriate because we have troops fighting overseas right now? i don't recall big stinks being made pre 9/11 when guys talked about "getting ready to do battle" or things along those lines. and anyway, can anyone tell me when the last time there was no war going on somewhere in the world? it would have to be measured in the hundreds, if not thousands, of years. according to this, two people are dying every minute in a conflict somewhere in the world. how about using some of your righteous indignation where that is concerned? chill out, people. we know it's just a game, they know it's just a game, so just get back to stifling criticism and dissent and stop worrying about what's coming out of some power forward's mouth.

UPDATE, 2:20pm: unbeknownst to me, CSTB was already all over this last night.

Posted by Jamie at 12:54 PM | Permalink | Comments (9)

since moving to NYC, i've resisted the urge to ever subscribe to or even read The New Yorker. something about seeing every neo-yuppie on the subway poring over it just seemed distasteful. even the typeface seemed a little too smug and self-assured. but now between the expose on the Abu Ghraib atrocities and this terrific article on knuckleballers from a recent issue, i may have to re-think my position.

then i look at the subscription page, and it falls apart again.

Posted by Jamie at 06:35 PM | Permalink | Comments (10)

since Arsenal wrapped up the Premiership title ages ago, playing the first undefeated season in 115 years, it's high time to have a game that means something. enter the FA Cup final, this Saturday at 10:00am EDT, that pits filthy eternal powerhouse Manchester United against a plucky first division Millwall side whose fans have a history of hooliganism. it could be a blowout but surprises can always happen in a single game, as they did in 1973 when Sunderland beat Leeds 1-0 (check out the yellow ball they used). i would love to root for the upset in person, but this game isn't available live on any channels that i get, so if anyone has plans to watch somewhere, or knows of a good bar that will be carrying the game, let me know.

if you should find yourself in front of a TV tomorrow at 2:30pm, you can also watch the UEFA Cup Final between Marseilles of France and Valencia of Spain live from Gothenburg, Sweden on Fox Sports World. featuring a special appearance by everyone's favorite referee and lead singer of Midnight Oil, Perluigi Collina.

seriously, how scary is this?

meanwhile, the IOC cut the number of cities up for consideration for the 2012 Olympic Summer Games down to 5: London, Paris, New York, Madrid and Moscow. how the hell do you choose between all of those? i'm pulling for NY, even though i know the preparations would probably make things even more of a madhouse around here than usual with all the construction and security. the NYTimes had an article yesterday on an architect who is one of the finalists for the design of the Olympic Village in Long Island City (which would be right near my office, should i [shudder] still be here then). the model on display in the picture looks pretty damn cool.

Posted by Jamie at 12:38 PM | Permalink | Comments (12)

baseball announcers had me seething over the weekend with their misuse of the english language ("see how quick he gets rid of the ball here..."), so i figured it was time to uncover the answer to a question Dan and i had been having trouble with:

4. FURTHER vs. FARTHER

Use farther when referring to distance. Use further to indicate a continuation or extension in terms of time, degree, or anything else other than distance.

of course this couldn't be that easy. Merriam-Webster disagrees:

Farther and further have been used more or less interchangeably throughout most of their history, but currently they are showing signs of diverging. As adverbs they continue to be used interchangeably whenever spatial, temporal, or metaphorical distance is involved. But where there is no notion of distance, further is used . Further is also used as a sentence modifier , but farther is not. A polarizing process appears to be taking place in their adjective use. Farther is taking over the meaning of distance and further the meaning of addition .

basically, as long as you're not using "further" to describe distance, you're fine.

Posted by Jamie at 04:01 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

after over a year of stalling and grandstanding, Piazza moves to first.

"If I had known how I was going to feel after playing first for a few days, I probably would have done it years ago," Piazza told the Associated Press. "I played first a few nights in a row and then I got behind the plate...I felt a lot fresher."

yeah, who knew cutting out 150 deep knee bends per day might have an effect.

Posted by Jamie at 03:23 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

i'll let someone else handle this one:

"thanks again for the phonecall with the news. it's been a weird weekend processing it all and such. we had a little eulogy for him in the house, reminiscing about all his nonsense and tearing up with laughter. it is horribly tragic and bizarre but he was such a crazy person it's hard to not focus on the joys of knowing him instead of just getting bummed out. unlike anyone i have ever met or ever will again."

be careful out there, kids.

Posted by Jamie at 09:46 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

could anyone have predicted that the media sources who would finally step it up against this corrupt and morally bankrupt regime we call a presidency would be The New Yorker and 60 Minutes II? The Washington Post has some 'splaining to do.

Posted by Jamie at 09:30 AM | Permalink | Comments (6)

GMail has been polarizing since it was first announced at the beginning of April, first as people worried about the targeted ads that would be placed alongside messages, and now as the tech community argues whether this really represents a big leap forward or whether it's simply "webmail with a really big quota" (read all the comments for some industry insider sniping and some good counter-arguments).

while recognizing that there's nothing revolutionary here, the more i see and read about it, the more i'm excited to leave Yahoo! and its ilk behind. perhaps shmoo can let us now how her Beta testing experience is going. now comes the hard part - picking out a username.

Posted by Jamie at 05:57 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

not exactly the subject line you want to see on a Friday afternoon, especially from your own brother. but it serves as a healthy reminder that sometimes the two-sided conversations of the real/electronic world should take precedence over the one-sided yammerings that occupy this space each and every weekday. many apologies for being remiss in my correspondence.

Posted by Jamie at 04:02 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

we all know the litany of reasons why Office Space is such a classic movie. now you can constantly remind yourself with the Lumbergh Soundboard, where pithy quotes are just a mouse click away. i'm not sure if distracting yourself from your soul-crushing office job by playing clips from a movie about how soul-crushing office jobs are is ironic or meta, but it should get you through to happy hour.

link via Productshop NYC

Posted by Jamie at 04:26 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Posted by Jamie at 02:49 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

so Jeff Tweedy has emerged from rehab for a painkiller addiction (aka Rush Limbaugh's Disease) as well as depression and all that that entails. while i'm happy for him, i'm worried for the music. the next Wilco album is due out June 22nd so it should be safe, but i'm willing to bet that the next one (if there is one) will be disappointing.

are there any instances of a band or musician kicking drugs and then becoming better? all i can think of right now are the numerous legendary drug-addled blues and jazz artists; the Beatles who got more interesting (if a bit self-indulgent) when they started dosing; Aerosmith who emerged from the haze of the 70s clean & sucky; and Huey Lewis & the News who finally hit their stride with "I Want a New Drug".

Posted by Jamie at 01:18 PM | Permalink | Comments (5)

when you have a fairly uncommon last name (at least in the US. in Canada it's everywhere, from companies to streets) you get excited when you see it on the front page of the NYTimes. and then you realize that the article is about shooting fish. for sport. and while i'm sort of morally neutral to the whole endeavor - though it does represent another ridiculous use of an AK-47 - it would have been nice to see the name attached to someone curing a disease or bettering humanity or starting a new diet craze or something. if you were wondering, i am not related to the family in the article as far as i know except in the sense that we're all related.

in a side note, Craig Paquette is stuck on 99 career home runs. can't some GM pick him up long enough for him to clear the century mark? thank you.

Posted by Jamie at 02:04 PM | Permalink | Comments (6)

while we're pimping new blogs, we'd be remiss not to point you to Jim's new endeavor. you could even help give it a clever name, like Blogostar Gallactica or, my personal favorite, the Jimstown Flood. either way, he's actually been paid to write before so the quality is top notch.

Posted by Jamie at 12:57 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

courtesy of Gothamist comes a link to something that just about everyone can appreciate: Manhattan Waiter, a blog about waiting tables featuring interviews with waiters from all over NYC. just reading a couple of entries brought back my own memories of what it's like to serve for a living, and i know there's lots of you out there in the same boat. all i can say briefly is that it's fun but not fun - some days you're walking out with a wad of cash and other days you're spilling a Diet Coke down the back of some poor unsuspecting wonk's lightly starched oxford.

Posted by Jamie at 06:21 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

for some reason, i was recently thinking about the Matador Records back catalog. after sifting through it, i've managed to come up with my 11 favorite releases since their inception in 1990. this doesn't count albums distributed by Matador in Europe (Sleater-Kinney, etc.). albums are listed with their catalog numbers and release dates. mmmm....1995.

1. Pavement - Slanted & Enchanted (OLE-038 4/20/1992)
2. Guided By Voices - Alien Lanes (OLE-123 4/4/1995)
3. Chavez - Ride The Fader (OLE-200 11/5/1996)
4. Yo La Tengo - Electr-o-pura (OLE-132 5/2/1995)
5. Helium - The Dirt of Luck (OLE-124 3/21/1995)
6. Interpol - Turn On The Bright Lights (OLE-545 8/20/2002)
7. Thinking Fellers Union Local 282 - Strangers From The Universe (OLE-109 9/6/1994)
8. Liz Phair - Exile In Guyville (OLE-051 6/24/1993)
9. New Pornographers - Electric Version (OLE-551 5/6/2003)
10. Cat Power - Moon Pix (OLE-286 9/22/1998)
11. Belle and Sebastian - The Boy With The Arab Strap (OLE-311 9/8/1998)

bonus trivia: the last album matador ever released on cassette was the Arsonists "As the World Burns" on 8/24/99.

Posted by Jamie at 04:24 PM | Permalink | Comments (14)

hey, '86 Red Sox fans, it's the sorta bizarre and thoroughly out-of-date Unofficial Rich Gedman Web Page. if you've some time to kill, read the history and background section which reads like a strange, fairly dull stalker diary.

link via fitted sweats

Posted by Jamie at 03:19 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

if you live in New York (hell, even if you don't), t.s.o.a. urges you to send in your support for the Renewable Portfolio Standard (RPS) which "would require New York state to draw 25 percent of its electricity from clean renewable resources such as wind, solar and fuel cells by the year 2013." the Natural Resources Defense Council has already written the letter for you, and comments are due by May 14th.

Posted by Jamie at 02:33 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

next Wednesday and Thursday are supposed to be sunny and pleasant. time for some outdoor happy hour action. Soda anyone?

Posted by Jamie at 01:48 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

sometimes things don't work out how we've planned. sometimes we don't know why things happen as they do. sometimes the abject lack of control we have over events, over our own existence, can be horribly frustrating and terrifying. viewed from our individual perspectives, the world isn't fair, not one bit, as it sets out to attack us systematically and for that you have my deepest sympathies. if i could change the system, i would and i hope you're doing OK.

none of this is new or revelatory, but it was on my mind. i shouldn't have watched ER last night.

Posted by Jamie at 12:41 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

too many rants and not enough raves today, plus real work is rudely intruding on the week with no signs of stopping before the weekend. which is too bad because this would have been a great week to recover from a weekend that included: over 24 hours spent in a car; meeting numerous in-laws and being relentlessly attacked by nephews aged 7 and 10 with no respect for the groin region; a shower that smelled of sulfur when turned on, rendering any therapeutic effects null and void; mayonnaise consumed at every meal.

rants: disney sucks (and they're dragging ESPN down with them); i must now refrain from seeing Spiderman 2; the Red Sox and Yankees are now tied atop the AL East.

raves: the new Defamer blog (Nick Denton's entry into LA) has some promise; i'm going home.

bonus UPDATE rave: CVS slightly less evil than originally thought

Posted by Jamie at 06:48 PM | Permalink | Comments (10)

ESPN Classic was showing Roger Clemens' first 20 strikeout game yesterday and t.s.o.a. was immediately struck by how different (read: skinny) the man looked 18 years ago. everything about him was slimmer, from his head to his legs. everyone keeps pointing to the way Barry Bonds has filled out over the years as a testament to the hormones everyone "knows" he's been taking, while completely ignoring the fact that this is the way bodies react as they get older, especially when you abide the strict training regimens that these two gentlemen use to turn the excess mass into muscle. i don't believe there's been a single accusation of steroid use for Clemens even though his transformation is remarkably similar to Bonds' (the pictures below don't do the best job of showing it, but if you saw that 1986 game yesterday you would understand), so allow me to make the first: if Bonds is on steroids, then so is the Rocket Man. at the least it explains the bat throwing incident if not his obsession with children whose first names begin with K, one of whom is named similarly to the wife. but wouldn't the steroids have withered his genitals? hmmm......

a bigger asshole or just bigger?

[Update, 5:15 pm] in today's Under the Knife on Baseball Prospectus, Will Carroll says: "Yes, steroids would help pitchers. It's always been my understanding that steroids, used properly (and yes, there is a proper way) would benefit pitchers MORE than it would hitters. Not only would they increase strength, but the drugs could be used to assist recovery, something pitchers definitely need to worry about." watch out, Roger, the evidence is mounting.

Posted by Jamie at 05:22 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

it may be bad form to return from a vacation-induced hiatus with a commerical, but whatever - i can eat Doritos again! in recent years, i've developed some annoying if not life-threatening allergic reactions to MSG, which most of the Dorito flavors are swimming in. couple that with the fact that they were also dense with the dreaded partially hydrogenated oils, and my diet had been Dorito-free for some time (Tostitos, with their very short ingredient list, are another story).

enter new Naturals from FritoLay, made with natural ingredients - even organic ingredients in some cases - and so clear of MSG and trans fatty acids. i found these on the way to the in-laws in Ohio this weekend and ended up buying the White Nacho Cheese flavored Doritos. i was worried and half-hoping that they would be disgusting just so i could cross them off the potential purchase list for future lunches and road trips. but no. the taste was dead on; not as piquant as the regular variety but suitably salty and cheesy. gone was the devilishly orange color of the old guard which, while pleasing to the eye, tended to end up crusted on one's fingertips and under one's fingernails until tended to by toungue or napkin. there was still some residue left behind by each handful, but it was certainly less obvious. and the price seemed to be right in line with the rest of the options, so there was no sacrifice to be made there. they tend to test market these things in the Midwest, so i haven't seen them in NYC yet, which is the only thing preventing me from buying some tonight on my way home.

no word on them from Taquitos.net yet, but i'll certainly add my $.02 there when the opportunity arises.

more info on why trans fatty acids are really bad -which is scarier when you start looking at labels and realizing how many things they are actually in - and MSG allergies.

Posted by Jamie at 04:26 PM | Permalink | Comments (7)