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December 31, 2003

well behind

with the blog down for a while there, i had a bunch of ideas for entries that are no longer timely or that have now been covered to death.   but one thing that seems to have not garnered as much coverage as i might have thought is the return of berkeley breathed to the comics page with the "Opus" strip.   perhaps this is because the only paper worth paying attention to in new york city doesn't have a comics section (just one more reason why the washington post is better).

"bloom county/outland" is in the pantheon of the best comic strips of the past 30 years along with "calvin & hobbes", "the far side", and "doonesbury".   and "cathy".   you can try to make a case for a few others - t.s.o.a. is a big fan of mutts for instance - but between bill watterson's salinger impression and garry trudeau's increasing ineffectuality, there exists a need for more strips that aren't simply excuses to merchandise plush toys and horrible movies starring jennifer love hewitt.   "opus" is only produced for sundays and is only available in print, so we can't yet comment on the content of the strip though you have to figure it will take a couple months for breathed to hit his stride.   here's hoping he can.

here's a live chat he conducted concerning the strip and the state of the comics page.

in other news, the official brother of t.s.o.a. made me a t-shirt for christmas that features the head of dolly from "the family circus," which is simply one of the funniest things ever.

happy new year.

December 30, 2003

angels in america

the 2002 world series champion anaheim angels have decided to rename their stadium "Angels Stadium at Anaheim" after edison international decided to opt out of their naming agreement.   while t.s.o.a. applauds any move that results in fewer ridiculous corporate names attached to stadiums and arenas (Enron Field anyone?), issue must be taken with the choice of new names.   the desire to include the team is somewhat understandable, but without the history of a "Yankee Stadium" they're heading for an "Oriole Park at Camden Yards" type situation where everyone just uses the name they like better.   in this case "the big A."

you might be thinking "so you have a better solution, smart guy?" and indeed i do: name the stadium after deceased franchise patriarch and singing cowboy extraordinaire Gene Autry.   "Autry Field" or "Autry Memorial Stadium" has a much better ring to it, n'est ce pas?   maybe book some shania twain shows there on off nights.

(here's more "big A" action for nyc residents).

December 23, 2003

dead letter office #1

so i finally got around to re-updating the style sheet here, so everything more or less looks like the way i originally set it up.   things will definitely be gathering steam after the new year.

at any rate, this will be the first in a series of found items to be posted in this space.   since i am the (very underpaid) IT department in the office, i have the run of the file server.   this can have practical applications like finding files that list everyone's salaries, and it can also lead to tragicomic gold like this piece i found recently while cleaning up some old folders.   all names have been changed as necessary, and some formatting changes were made* but other than that i've left the writing alone.

"Donald:

I can’t believe you – you send me a letter to go fuck myself you have some nerve.   I’m just so upset with you I don’t know what to say or don’t even feel like talking to you anymore.   You can’t make a simple decision your friends or your wife and daughter.   You hesitate giving me an answer I have nothing but been there for you all these years and you keep shitting on me how dare you.

I love you – am I have more then proven myself in every way of our marriage – all you know how to be is mean and I feel very sorry for.

You’re the type of person that only remembers someone only when you need them otherwise you can do without them.   Marriage is not about that it’s about loving that person to the end, caring, being understanding and no secrets behind each other backs.

I’ve love you actually all my life – but you insist of letting other people get in between our relationship.   I’ve been second best to everything in your life.   The bars, women, alcohol, pot, staying out for days, your friends, cars.   Even your fucking job.

I’m sending copies of all your letters you wrote me.   All you know how to do is lie and break your promises – make excuses for the bad things and blame me for everything.

You tell me you’re going to hit me if you were next to me.   You need counseling – yes you do.   Now you can read your letter how you told me if it will take the rest of my life I’m going to make everything up to you.   I’ve been there, I’ve kept my word as much as I could.   But you need help - I will not go back to the same shit that upset in the past you need to look into to head and soul really deep.   And finally without playing me – tell me what you want from me.   I really have to know.   No bullshitting if you’re unhappy being married tell me don’t lead me on with promises of how wonderful things are gonna be and how good you’ll be to me when you come home.

I getting tired of your insane games.   My heart aches every day and you’re not even being fair to God – he has to listen to my tears and I’m sure there’s a lot of people who need his help.

I have so much in my heart, my head and my soul.   But I’m tired explaining myself to a grown man that doesn’t want to do anything with his life except hang out all his life.

I want a man that wants to be there and want and love his family.   I want a husband that loves, faithful, I trust, hardworking, caring, romantic, great in bed, sensitive, respectful, a good father, someone who thinks I’m his everything.

That he doesn’t need anyone because I’m his strength.   Just like he should be mine.   My partner, my friend, and my lover, my protector.

I thought when you started doing this time we were going to make it – now I’m confused and with the things you’ve said already.   Maybe I won’t be strong enough to make – because I’m not going to work, raise my family, get stuck in the woods to listen to ungrateful man on the phone.

These are my feelings so they are not bullshit."

* for some reason the original file was in Excel which, as you may know, isn't designed for writing.   so it took a bit of effort to get it into a usable state.   it was also in all caps, which is highly annoying because there's not a simple command to rectify it.

December 19, 2003

roget's on acid

the following series of words appeared in a piece of spam received offering "Free Cable*TV", which is if course completely legal i'm sure.

"snazzy calendrical herodotus eyebright ameliorate southwest kiva digram mixture dietician biaxial jigsaw idaho wigwam hutchinson tripod diplomatic polysaccharide bald concubine collaborate swag depredate fell bunsen diagonal companion smyrna melinda bedtime betoken basin technetium alhambra wash
petal cosy meritorious sonorous extramarital inhere gillette altair ny pip barnet phalarope rout choctaw streak stuyvesant biaxial afield intolerant jacqueline yosemite tearful wiggly escherichia dally lehigh"

anyone know how to crack this code? there's probably a great poem here just waiting to be written.

December 17, 2003

re-launch test

if you're reading this, i admire your dedication but pity your lack of other worthwhile ways to fill your time.

please check back soon, as things should be back to some vague degree of normalcy here within the next few days.   such is the price of progress. meantime, perhaps a hobby can fill the void.   you could be halfway to the complete 50 state quarter set by now.   have you seen missouri yet? lewis & clark headed straight for the arch.   that's sort of like george washington crossing the delaware for a cheesesteak isn't it?

now playing: Jimmy Cricket by the Starlight Mints