the shrewdness of apes

think of it as Master's Degree meets AwfulPlasticSurgery.com

the awards and nominations are being handed out, the year-end lists are coming fast and furious and as usual, the paucity of movies i've actually seen (as opposed to simply pre-judged) means i don't have much to offer on the subject. i am going to try to see as many as possible between now and the Oscars if only to feel like my righteous indignation at what actually wins is justified. lord knows it's not going to help me from finishing in the basement of the Oscar Pool. and i may submit a list too, though time will continue to be a factor for a few weeks.

but we all know there are the proverbial assload of scripts that never get off the ground and which most of us are never privy to outside of that one friend who keeps talking about how his glorified "Scooby Doo" episode of a short film is his ticket to the big time. so fortunately there's Query Letters I Love in which some Hollywood type posts the bad, ugly and incomprehensible pitches that he gets on a constant basis, such as the one reproduced below.

"Query - "Black Virtue"

"Two arch-enemy schoolgirls and their spur-of-the-moment prank save their Catholic school from closure in a most unusual way.

Genre: Edgy Teen Comedy

Laylor and Khaki, natural opposites, have always hated each other. They meet again at their high school reunion, and are surprised at each other's life choices, and reminisce about the fateful prank that set their course.

A motorcycle stunt that went wrong made the two girls crash into the sacred Virgin Mary statue on school grounds. Surprisingly, the statue comes to life and tells them how to save the school with the help of a motorcycle-riding nun and an obscenely handsome Hollywood male movie star.

But miracles can come at an unexpected cost, as "no good deed goes unpunished."

Posted by jamie at January 26, 2005 03:11 PM