the shrewdness of apes

snow? who knew there'd be snow during the winter?

as another round of flakes trains its crosshairs on the eastern seaboard, the Mad Snow Scramble [tm] is already underway, leading me to a couple of questions:

why are we constantly being told that things are "more important than ever"? on the Weather Channel the other night, some woman intoned that preparing for winter storms (or possibly "Winter Storm Events" - see below) was more important than ever without producing any information to verify said claim. couldn't the case be made that it's actually less important in these days of thermostats, snow tires, insulation, and early alerts? with all the bluster produced by well-coifed and smooth-voiced anchorpeople on television and radio days ahead of any potential storm threat (they have to have time to come up with a catchy name for it after all - you think they can produce "The Blizzard of '96" or "Ice Storm '02" in just an hour or two?) only the truly hermitic are left unknowing of the need to rush to the closest store for milk, bread and toilet paper.

it's amazing to me to see - on TV or in person - the people flocking to the stores, stepping over each other, and waiting in Soviet-length lines to stock up on "the basics". certainly several million people aren't all getting caught with only some moldy Wonder bread in the pantry and a half-roll of Cottonelle on the dispenser. only a select few hard-core bachelor types would be caught without enough sustenance to get them through 72 hours and unless you're running a prison, why would the milk, bread, TP triumvirate be the top things on your shopping list? if you're going to be stuck in the house for a couple of days, live it up a little bit or spin the Big Wheel O' Chance with whatever is on hand. 20 years from now are you going to remember the storm when you made french toast and stayed regular or the one when you ate that questionable leftover casserole washed down with a pint of vermouth and hallucinated that you were a member of the Donner Party circa winter 1847?

to flog a different linguistic horse for a minute, why do the networks feel the need to advertise programs as being "a television event" (i know you can hear the voiceover in your head as you're reading that)? does "event" have some connotation beyond merely "something that happens" if it's read by a guy with a deep, vaguely menacing voice? is it related to the way hippies used to refer to things as a "happening"? what it seems to amount to is an attempt by the networks or whomever to hijack the process by which things are labeled as important, leaving us with a never-ending series of "Nissan Event Clearances", "Made-for TV Events" and "Year-end Sales Events". perhaps someone has done some market research that proves that people respond Pavlovianly to the intonation of the word, though i would have to speculate that anyone actually buying into it is also the type who responds to spam for university diplomas and considers H2s to be sensible purchases.

Reagan getting shot was an Event. OJ on the freeway was an Event. the Super Bowl is a captial "e" Event because it has ascended to the level of a virtual holiday with its own traditions and rituals and we know it will be the highest rated program of the entire year. however, a mid-season episode of "Alias" or "24" can not be conferred with event status except by popular opinion, i don’t care who the guest star is or which main character will be held at gunpoint for 45 minutes only to escape in time for next week’s installment.