the shrewdness of apes

on about town

of course, just when i mock the world or marketing and product placement, it turns around to pay out a little bit for turning my brain to mush. yesterday turned into some weird epic day. we sent away for Daily Show tickets months ago, and finally received them a few weeks back. then they called us and said that they had landed a big VIP guest and were arranging a special screening as a result and that we should plan on having our whole afternoon open. long story short, it was Tom Cruise and the screening was of "Collateral" which opens today. things just took off from there. here's how it played out:

11:30am - arrive at AMC Empire Googolplex in Times Square. the wife and I commiserate about how much we hate this part of town while waiting for our companions. some weird guy with a garbage bag gets too close to us, while some teenager tries to innocently butt in to sell us whatever half-assed magazine he's holding 20 copies of. no sale. we learn at this point that Cruise's people have commandeered numerous tickets to the taping later, so only 60 ticket holders will get in. slightly worrisome, but we all quickly agree that leaving the movie early is entirely within reason.

11:45am - as we head into the theater, my phone rings. i've never been that guy before. and it's actually work-related. fortunately i talk the guy through the problem in about 2 minutes, giving me enough time to go the concession stand. other than the burble of conversation, the theater is quiet. no music, no "The 20", no unscrambling actor's names. it's nice.

12:10pm - with 44 oz. Coke on one side and large popcorn to share on the other, the movie starts. there are no previews, just straight into the action. i don't even remember seeing any opening credits. the movie is surprisingly (to me) palatable and despite a few wobbly maneuvers here and there, it's eminently watchable and never drags. Michael Mann's a good director.

1:40pm - the nervous watch-checking begins. no one else seems to have left yet, but we need to be ready to move at the first sign of people packing up. on the plus side, we've noticed an exit behind us that will undoubtedly be faster than queueing up with the rest of the riff-raff. to our detriment, we've lacked the foresight to sit on the aisle, meaning we're headed for the old 'scuse-and-sideways-shuffle routine to get out.

2:00pm - the wife is ready to go, but we're smack in the middle of the climax and i don't want to disturb people during it. finally, we hit a lull and take our leave of the theater. but friend/co-worker John and i have to pee badly. this proves costly when i emerge from the facilities to find a crowd forming around the elevator (i had an inkling when 3 different people opened the unlockable bathroom door within 45 seconds while i was relieving myself. once at street level we rush outside and jump in a cab.

2:20pm - we pull up in front of Daily Show HQ, we end up being among the first 10 people in line. the less said about the line-shfiting shenanigans of the woman behind us, the better.

3:10pm - we've all eaten some semblance of lunch when it is announced that there is free Burger King for everyone in line. the VIPs get first crack at it, but soon we're being herded in 10 at a time to grab some bland, soggy fries and a new Angus Burger (plain, cheese, or bacon and cheese). the burger is cold, but still mildly tasty. grilled onions really have to be done right to have credibility as a burger topping, and these just aren't. no one can eat more than half of it, since we've already eaten, and the inevitable "Super Size Me" conversation begins.

3:45pm - finally we're brought in to the main holding pen and seated according to ticket color. this is true for most studios, but the Daily Show studio is loads smaller than you might think, and the audience capacity is maybe 120. waiting on our seats are black t-shirts that proclaim in white lettering "WAAAYYYTAGOOOO!!" a small box on the back by the neck reveals that these shirts are also courtesy of BK and the Angus Steak Burger, though what the connection is to the "slogan" on the front is not readily apparent. still, more free shwag.

5:15pm - the taping is over. we've been lucky enough to see the taping of that night's full episode featuring Natalie Portman, plus another interview with Tom Cruise (which came first actually) which will air next week, plus we've seen then taping some set pieces for an election coverage special/clip show which will air soon. this includes Stephen Colbert wearing a ridiculous football jersey/sweat pants/fanny pack combo and multiple takes of one piece as Jon and Stephen crack each other up. some select highlights:

after his interview, Tom Cruise walks around shaking hands with the folks in the first couple rows and posing for pictures with them. he is shockingly life-like and girls and women are still swooning and bouncing in their seats minutes after he has left. Natalie Portman comes out next but you can tell half the audience has blown their celebrity worhsip wad already and as the interview starts to lose momentum, Jon says to her "i'm sorry, but i still have a hard-on from when Cruise was out here". we crack up and she moves to the other end of the couch. this will unfortunately be edited out before airing.

then while waiting for the taping of the set pieces, Jon takes questions. the wife (squared) asks him about the correspondents, none of whom we have seen to this point. while Jon cracks a joke or two, the aforementioned Stephen Colbert comes out of nowhere and climbs on the seating area unti lhe is right next to co-worker John and thus about 4 feet from me. in a crazed, high voice he says "you'll never see me over here" or something to that effect and cackles maniacally.

5:45pm - martinis in mid-town!

7:10pm - after a train ride downtown and 45-second rainstorm, the wife (squared) and i arrive at Castle Clinton for Beulah's purported last-ever show. somehow the karma of the day and some generous friends land us in the VIP section which is to the side of the stage, but allows for more personal space and has free fruit, cookies, cheese, etc. when i ask the security guard if it's OK to smoke in that area he asks me "what are you smoking?" there are at least 15 funny repsonses to that question. oh, and the show is brilliant.

9:30pm - another cab ride to the East Village on the way to Hi-Fi lands us at Crif Dogs, which is one of the best places in the city. Helping to make the place are RC Cola and waffle fries and the hot dogs are transcendent, especially when wrapped in bacon, though not everyone agrees on that point. create your own, or i recommend the Spicy Redneck. their action figure collection is sublime but one drawback is that their Ms. Pac Man machine is one of the "slow" version.

10:30pm - Hi-Fi has a nice vibe and a "fast" Ms. Pac Man. word makes it around the bar that there is free Red Stripe (whose "Hooray Beer" commercials i have recently found amusing) until 11pm. i have no idea who or what is sponsoring this, but at this point, it's just the whipped cream on the sundae. Hooray Beer!

12:15am - the cab ride home is, sadly, not free.

Posted by jamie at August 6, 2004 06:54 PM